The Letter of No Return

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, I was never meant to leave.

I'll take you back to where it all started -- to me and my twin brother. We were as close as any siblings could be. There were never any secrets between us. Because we were born into the royal family, interaction with the villagers was unheard of. From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a warrior, fighting alongside people who I could call my equals. Ethan’s destiny, however, was decided for him at a young age. The first male to be born into the family would be the next ruler to take over from my father.

Ethan always had something to complain about -- how I had so much freedom to fight and do things a princess shouldn't. But they focused so much on him that they had no time to bother me. Mother and I had an arrangement that if I finished all my tasks and lessons for the day, she would allow me to get one on one combat lessons. On my 5th birthday, they gifted me Trooper, my horse, and he's been my escape from the chaos in my family ever since.

My favourite part of the day was when I finished my lesson. I jumped on Tropper, and just go off into the forest. Trooper has been my horse since before I can remember. Every day we went for a ride, and upon returning I pampered him with treats and a wash. The wind in my face, my brown silky hair flowing behind me, I urged Tropper to move quicker. Birds were chirping as they flew from tree to tree and squirrels clambered up trees, grasping their nuts and vigorously eating them down to nothing. To the side of me, there was a blur of green, as I inhaled the moss and grass, which smelt even better than my mother’s fresh bread. I felt connected with the nature around me, my horse galloping and leaping through the air, picking up speed to find our favourite place in the whole entire kingdom. Even better my ride with Tropper was a place I liked to call my secret garden. It was a space enclosed by willow trees, where overgrown shrubs decorated the entire area, and flowers peaked up in every growth of grass - colours so vibrant, I wished I could hold onto them. A little river lay by the side, with rocks and water flowing down the current. I dipped my feet in the cold water whenever it was hot out. The best thing to do was to lay on the blades of grass, feeling the life all around me, grasping at the green, and breathing in the rich smells-- of recently fallen rain, the earth below me or the newly spurting flowers. The pine trees had a sweet smell and the animals jumping around me peaked Trouper’s curiosity. This was my special place, where I went when I was mad, or just aggravated. Sometimes I went here just to be calm with nothing but myself, Trooper and the nature that enveloped me. I did say that Ethan and I had no secrets, and though he had no clue of my secret garden’s existence, it wasn’t really a secret -- more like a slight withdrawal of information. At least that’s what I tell myself. The forest was where I most felt I belonged. Not amongst the people, or in the castle, but in nature, where I could do what I wished, with nothing holding me back. Nothing but a curfew. 

As I emerged from the trees, I was greeted by my brother, with a very serious look painted on his face. “Mia,” Ethan said with a condescending tone. “You can't just go off for two hours, now that I’m in charge around here, and you have your responsibilities. We need to rely on each other,” he sighed a little disappointed. “Sorry, I just got caught up in all of it. If anything you should be happy I wasn't gone for longer,” I chirped. He didn't seem to be pleased with my remark. He prepared a speech.

 “So what's the big rush anyway, you look a little grumpy '' I said in a silly voice.

“Well, if you're up for it, I have a job for you-” 

“Yes, yes I will go, please,” I begged. “I can do your trading thingy, finally! I'm so glad you are in charge now, I can go out and visit the other kingdoms by myself.” I basically shouted with joy, jumping up and down on the spot, like my energy tank just automatically refilled to 100%.

“Ok, I’m glad you’re up to it, but you will be going alone. So i need to know you will be okay, otherwise dad will kill me. '' he pleaded. By that time I was nodding my head at him and walking off with a grin spread all across my face.

“I have a guy up in Thesal Kingdom and he told me he had some weapons for trade. I need you to go negotiate with him. And be nice- I don't need you to end up in a fight with him. Are we clear?!” he demanded. 

“Crystal”, I smirked. “When do I leave?” I said a little too energetically and a bit too excited.

“Now,” he laughed, as my gaze followed his hand pointing at the gear I needed, and the money for the trade. Ethan told me that I'm looking for a Mr Walker, an oldish guy with a younger son who might be doing the trade for him. Apparently, he was known around Thesal Kingdom and I could ask anyone for his whereabouts. I know that my brother told me to be cautious, but I was too excited, the thrill of riding in the rain, the smell of fresh grass, and the wet filled my nose with something, you could just not put a price on. It was just me and Trooper, us against the world. I thought we were invincible.

As I saw faint lights in the distance, I knew we weren't far from our destination. I slowed Trooper down to a trot. There was no big entrance sign saying “Welcome to Thesal Kingdom”, just a kingdom surrounded by forest. If I wasn't in admiration of the nature-filled land they nurtured, I would have seen how vulnerable they are to attacks. A patrol of soldiers could be a better line of defence. They would even see the enemies coming, not with all the trees blocking their sight of view.

As I entered from the greenery around the kingdom, I saw a bustling area, with people all around selling and buying goods. It was so much more chaotic than I thought. Making my way through the crowd I asked a woman where I could find a Mr Walker. She looked at me dead in the eyes before pointing to a little hut in the distance. Standing tall and sturdy I approached the hut with Tropper’ss leash in hand. Knocking on the wooden door, I heard heavy footsteps from inside, slowly coming to answer it. As the door was creaking open, I felt a light tap on my back. “Hello, how may I help you?” said a boy as if it was a rehearsed line. In front of me stood a boy, of my age, and just a head taller, brown scruffy hair and sea blue eyes. I was about to respond when I realised there was someone answering the door for me as well. I turned to see what I guessed to be Mr Walker looking impatiently up at me. He was small! A couple of inches smaller, with a long mane of hair and an overgrown beard. “Oh, sorry. I'm here to do a trade on behalf of King Ethan of Udais I said, almost cautious of their reactions. Mr Walker nodded at the boy as instructed for him to deal with me.

 “Hey, I’m Landon, Walker. Sorry my dad was in a bad mood --he doesn't like doing handoffs or trades, so I usually do it for him. Right this way are all our inventory, so just pick the ones you like and pay up, I guess” he said a little nervously and uncomfortably. I couldn't believe when he said he was Landon Walker, I mean I didn't see any resemblance between his father and him. “You can loosen up, I’m not going to hurt you,” I said playfully, as he meekishly giggled. “My name is Amelia, but you can call me Mia if you want,” I said with confidence.

In the weapons room, there were swords, bows and arrows of all kinds, and small daggers, easy to conceal under clothing. My instructions were clear-- to get enough weapons, but not to go on a shopping spree with all the gold he gave me to trade with. There was this one sword that just called to me, and I knew I had to get it, hoping Ethan wouldn't get too mad.

After my great trade, Landon walked me out, only to find us in a rainstorm. Stuttering he managed to utter “If you don't want to ride back in this weather, you can stay overnight in our house.”

 “Oh no, I don't want to burden you or your father. Anyway, I made my way here in the rain, what's the big deal?” I said. Grabbing Troopers leash, a sudden bolt of lighting lit up the sky sending Trooper hysterical. As I tried to calm him down, Landon reoffered to let me stay, and I agreed.

The sun painted the sky a caramel colour, and as I sneaked out of the house, trying not to make a sound, I made my way to Trooper. As I packed my bags full of the weapons I had traded for, I mounted Trooper. Positioning myself on his back, I turned at a noise behind me only to realise it was Landon. 

“Leaving so soon?” he said. 

“Yeah I should be getting back soon, otherwise my brother will be sending a whole battalion out to find me” I laughed. 

“Your brother is King Ethan, so you're the princess. Oh I’m so sorry, should I bow or something” he spoke with true concern. 

“No, don't worry. I don't even act like royalty, because I guess I don't want my life to be like that. You see, I want to become a warrior, and fight almost everyone who doesn't recognise me and tend to my every need like my mother wants.” I said. “Your kingdom does not seem to be well protected, maybe I could help with that. But I really must go.” I said in quite a rush. 

“That would be nice, I'll send a letter to you if any more trades come up. You know you can come here whenever you want to just I guess explore somewhere new. But you're probably busy

“I'm not that busy, I will hold you to that promised letter and a free pass to come here. I would like that very much.” I said. 

I came back so delighted that it was such a successful trip. I could not believe I hadn’t done this before. I stormed into my brother's room to tell him of my adventure only to find him in his usual brooding state sitting on his bed, lost in his thoughts.

“Helloooooo, anyone home” I shouted at him waving my hand in front of his face. He took my hand and lowered it

 “I need to tell you something, it's my grand plan. I will rebuild Udais and I need your help” he said with all seriousness. I thought he was joking, but clearly, he wasn’t.

 “Umm, okay, then what is your grand plan?” I sat on his bed while he explained the whole thing to me.

Ethan told me of how he hated how our parents forced him into leadership, and how they oppressed not only him but everyone in the whole kingdom. I had an urge to defend our parents, but I didn’t want to end up upsetting him. His plan was based on his rage, and his destructive tendencies. He plans to burn everything to the ground, all houses and places in which his parents treasure so much, and rebuild the kingdom from its ashes. Like a phoenix, it is reborn once it burns to ashes to emerge better than before. His plan came from a place that hit home in his heart. I knew from basically the beginning of when he started his plan that I couldn’t let him do this, and I tried to point out to him that I would tell our parents, but he seemed to believe I was bluffing.

As I left his room, cautious of his every move, I made sure he didn’t think I would tell our parents. Then I ran to their room to tell them of Ethan’s plan. I knew my mother had concerns about putting him in power and was looking for one little slip up to remove him and put me in his place. I rushed into their room to tell them of Ethan’s plan. They knew exactly what to do. It was like they were waiting for this day their entire lives, a reason Ethan would be unfit to rule. That was the first time I really understood what was going to happen, and I couldn't believe that I just outed and ruined my brother. Before I knew it, my parents had dragged me to the council of 5, 5 people appointed to give punishment to fit a crime one has done. 

“In this special case, we would like longer to look over the case. Meanwhile King Ethan- um, just Ethan, should be obtained and locked up in the castle's dungeon.”

“Mia, please talk to me,” my mother begged as I tried to shrug her off of me and walked away. I wanted so bad to just run away, forget ever betraying my brother.

 “Amelia, talk to me right now” she demanded. I jumped, scared of this sudden force, which I had never seen this face on my mother before.

 “What is there to talk about? Huh!” I said with a little too much force. 

“I'm sorry you had a bad day. We all have, but we need to start talking about your place in the kingdom now that you are next in line” she explained. Anger surged through me, and I nearly exploded in frustration. Instead, I ran off, and she didn't follow me.

I slowed down as I neared my destination, the royal jewels, the gold and silver sparkled against the sunlight, the gems a certain glare I had never seen. In the middle, propped on a glass-encased stool stood the crown. Admiring it, I wondered what it would mean to walk into my brother's place, how he must have felt all those years, where I was just free to do as I pleased. The great honour of ruling Udais, but at what cost. At the cost of my freedom, my happiness, my dreams? Do I do what I must for the sake of this kingdom, or do I go to Thesal Kingdom, I fantasize about that every day. Leading an army, going places no one would recognise me. I could start a whole new life there, no judgement, free of the burdens of leadership, free of the duties I must perform. Giving up the crown is easy, but when I think about what that actually means, the consequences that would come with it.

It came. The letter. I could start a whole new life there.