Would You Like Worms With That?

This story is from my series "Joseph 3-in-1 Superhero as Chicken Man, Pickle Man, and the Rat of Justice." Please note that the other story I submitted to the contest is based on my series but hasn't been published anywhere. The following story however has been published. I figured that would be okay since I'm not actually submitting it to the contest but just posting it for free. The fulfillment of the prompt is unconventional.

Joseph, aka Chicken Man, is enjoying a fast-food value meal at McHenald’s with his dear friend Hen-rietta.

           “Mmmm! This lentil cheeseburger is absolutely divine!” he exclaims. “And the French worms are really good too. I just love dipping them in maggot sauce. And there’s nothing better to wash it all down that a glass of Dr. Squawker soda. This restaurant is the best!”

           “I totally agree,” replies Hen-rietta. “My Big Soy is especially delicious.”

           Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our hero and his friend, a very peculiar lifeform is spying on them from the depths of space.

           “Those chickens look absolutely delicious!” says King Soyward. “It’s been way too long since I’ve sunk my teeth into a juicy chicken. And considering what they eat, we will have the perfect cover to infiltrate their world and catch them off guard. Loyal subjects, come to me.”

           All the citizens come promptly.

           “My dear Lentilburgians, I have a real treat for you,” says King Soyward. “I’ve discovered a planet full of chickens, called Earth. What is unique about this planet is that the chickens like to eat a particular food called lentil burgers, which happen to look just like us. These lentil burgers are served at something called a fast-food restaurant, and more specifically, a chain of them called McHenald’s. We shall infiltrate these restaurants and pose as the main food item for their value meals. As the chickens prepare to eat us, we shall turn the tables and devour them instead!”

           The Lentilburgians all cheer.

           “Hip, hip, hooray!” they all chant. “Long live King Soyward, ruler for life of planet Beanpiter of the Tofu Galaxy!”

           The king and all the Lentilburgians board a spaceship and blast off towards Earth. They arrive a week later.

           “Attention!” calls out King Soyward. “Upon my observations, I found out there is a hero to poultry kind on this planet named Chicken Man. He is the only one who could possibly pose a threat to our plans. So for now we shall put all our focus on the McHenald’s restaurant that he frequently visits, which is located in a city called Avesopolis. Once we successfully devour him, we can continue our planet wide feast unhindered.”

           The army of evil fast-food sandwiches make their way to the restaurant. They place themselves in the delivery zone, and King Soyward writes a fake note.

           Meanwhile, Chicken Man is relaxing in his chicken coop watching the show “Henname: Chicks in the next Coop.” The episode’s title is CHICKEN SANDWICH, which is code for:

           Chronically

           Hotheaded

           Insidious

           Criminal

           Keenly

           Employs

           Never-ending

           Slaughter

           And

           Nefarious

           Demise

           Which

           Involves

           Chicken

           Handling

           “Ah!” thinks Chicken Man. “This is the episode where the Poultry Devourer plans on making a bunch of chicken sandwiches. The way he ‘handles’ the chickens as he preps to make them into patties is quite horrific. The Chicks really have to face their worst nightmare in this adventure!”

           Just then his henphone rings.

           “Hello?” answers Chicken Man.

           “Chicken Man,” says Hen-rietta, “I just found out some exciting news. Some benefactor who has chosen to remain anonymous has donated a large number of lentil burgers to our local McHenald’s. In celebration, the restaurant is giving every citizen one free burger. I’m already here at the restaurant, and I was wondering if you’d like to join me.”

           “I’d love to,” replies Chicken Man.

           Our hero heads over and finds that the entire population of Avesopolis has gathered there. The restaurant is packed full, but fortunately there are just enough seats for everyone. The restaurant employees distribute the Lentilburgians disguised as delicious fast-food entrees and then each get one for themselves and sit down with everybody.

           As the excited hens prepare to chow down on their burgers, a strange voice can be heard.

           “Wow, all you chickens look especially plump and delectably juicy!” says King Soyward. “Well, except for Chicken Man. He looks really lean but would make for some great tasting chicken jerky.”

           “What’s going on, Chicken Man?” Hen-rietta worriedly asks.

           “I don’t know,” replies Chicken Man.

           Suddenly, all of the “burgers” reveal their eyes and open their mouths wide, baring their horrifying fangs. All of the chickens begin frantically running around squawking in terror with the Lentilburgians in hot pursuit.

           “I always knew that fast food was bad for you, but this is ridiculous!” one of them screams as his burger manages to bite off his tail feathers. “And I now realize that my doctor was talking quite literally when he said that my habit of going out to eat too much would come back to bite me one day!”

           “My my!” one of the Lentilburgians says as it chows down on a chicken. “This poultry is simply bursting with flavor!”

           “There’s nothing better than peppered chicken!” says another as he sprinkles pepper on his terrified prey.

           “I can’t wait to sink my teeth into a prime grade A chicken!” says another as it holds the chicken who is trembling in horror. “Oh, don’t be afraid, you silly little bird! This will only hurt for a little while!”

           It is utter chaos as the Lentilburgians make quick work of all of Chicken Man’s friends. Feathers fly all about, and chicken juice is splattered everywhere as the evil fast-food entrees wickedly cackle as they get their chow on. Soon only our hero is left.

           “My, I’ve had way too much fattening food,” says King Soyward. “I think I need to go on a diet of low-fat lean meat, and I think I’ll start by eating Chicken Man!”

           The king of fast-food entrees proves to be too fast for our hero, and quickly catches him. He binds him up in tofu rope and sprinkles him with lemon pepper and paprika.

           “This will truly be a meal fit for a king,” he cackles with sadistic derision. In a mighty chomp, he devours our hero with a single bite.

           “Wow!” exclaims King Soyward. “I already feel the benefits from that massive amount of protein.”

           Chicken Man finds himself swimming in an ocean of lentil beans, ketchup, mustard, and pickles.

           “Okay, don’t panic,” our hero thinks to himself. “This isn’t the first time you’ve been eaten. I just need to figure out a way to escape. You know, I really hate these types of predicaments!”

           Chicken Man brainstorms.

           “Normally, I would just down some ghost peppers so I could blast my way out with grenade eggs,” he thinks to himself. “But unfortunately, I don’t have any with me. In fact, I don’t have any food with me, so I can’t rely on an egg power.”

           Chicken Man continues to brainstorm.

           “You know,” he thinks “these Lentilburgians really do look just like lentil burgers. They even have organs that look like onions. Wait a second! I wonder…”

           Chicken Man manages to swim over to one of the onion-like organs and takes a bite.

           “Just like I suspected!” he exclaims. “This tastes just like an onion, which means it should be acidic.”

           Chicken Man lays a bunch of acid eggs. King Soyward shrieks in agony as he’s quickly dissolved into a puddle of fast-food nastiness.

           “King Soyward! NOOO!” cry all the Lentilburgians.

           Our hero proceeds to shoot acid eggs at the rest of the Lentilburgians. Soon, all the nefarious sandwiches are just puddles on the ground. Chicken Man’s friends are bruised, frazzled, and traumatized, but okay nonetheless.

           “Chicken Man, thank you so much for saving us all!” says Hen-rietta. “That was very scary. Although I’m sad to say that it wasn’t any scarier than the other threats we seem to constantly face.”

           All the other chickens cluck in agreement.

           “Attention everyone!” calls out the owner of the restaurant. “I feel very bad that we were expecting a time of celebration enjoying some decadent lentil burgers and instead suffered this. So in gratitude to Chicken Man for once again snatching us from the clutches of doom, I'm going to give everyone a free lentil burger. Don’t worry, these are from our stock and not a mysterious donation.”

           Chicken Man and all his friends cluck and squawk in excitement. Soon everyone is once again sitting next to a deliciously juicy lentil burger ready to get their grub on. The celebration is epic and the feasting unforgettable. When it’s all said and done, everyone heads home with full and satisfied bellies.

           Chicken Man himself heads home. He plops into his recliner and turns on the TV to the show “Cluck Tales.”

           “Life is like a tornado

           Here in Cluckberg

           Squawkers, cluckers, bawkers

           It’s a cluck-blur!

           Might solve a yolkery

           Or rewrite chickory!

           Cluck tales! Ooh ooh ooh!

           Every day they’re out there squawking

           Clucktales! Ooh ooh ooh!

           Tales of bawking-do

           Bad and good cluck tales

           H-h-h-hazard! Look behind you!

           There’s a chicken out to find you!

           What to do, just squawk onto some

           Clucktales! Ooh ooh ooh!

           Every day they’re out there squawking

           Clucktales! Ooh ooh ooh!

           Tales of bawking-do

           Bad and good cluck tales. Ooh ooh ooh!

           No squawkingtales or bawking tales, no

           Clucktales! Ooh ooh ooh!”

           “This is definitely a silly show!” thinks Chicken Man. Goose McCluck is filthy rich with his vault containing mountains of bird seed, yet he always seeks more riches. I’m not so sure if he really is such a good guy.”

           Our hero relaxes to the zany show after another hard day of heroics. It seems he and his friends are always facing unexpected threats of being eaten. But fortunately for his friends, they have the Mighty Poultry and Clucking Crusader to protect them from the daily threat of mass consumption!