Farewell to a professional

“Today we bid farewell to the best of us.”

All around the room, glasses raised to the ceiling, in reverence for the moment. “John was a man like no other. A creative mind, fiercely dedicated to his craft, and known to us all as a kind and caring friend. Agreeable nodding began to circulate around the banquet room. “And who can forget our fine man’s sense of humor? Lest we forget the Prague Fair fiasco,” the speaker said with a sly grin. Disparate laughter broke out across the room among the older attendees. The younger people in the audience looked confused by this statement.  “John, above all of us, was a professional, and this strange little world of ours loses one of its best and brightest.” The man smiled and looked across the sea of faces in the banquet hall as he set the microphone down. Clapping erupted and quickly dissipated, as a new speaker rose to the mic stand. “Thank you all for joining me today. I’ve had a long and successful career, which grows increasingly hard to say in our line of work. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, sharing this time surrounded by my closest friends, family, and compatriots. Thank you for all the memories, and don’t forget to enjoy the food!” Some light clapping and laughs could be heard. John set the microphone down and went back to his seat and began speaking with a guest who came over to greet him. 

As everyone sat back down, the waiters came around bringing out trays of food and refilling drinks. The guests were given a choice of roast beef or salmon, but there were plenty of side dishes to fill up on for the few who weren’t keen on the main course. There were 15 circular banquet tables in the room, each adorned with a thick white tablecloth and crystalline flower vases. Each table was categorized by number and letter, with letters ranging from A to C, and numbers ranging from 1 to 5. The food was distributed from front to back, starting with table A1 until reaching table C5. Before long, the crowd's voices died down as they began to eat. 

Table C3 was populated with a younger crowd of three, with the exception of one rugged-looking old-timer sharing the space with them. The man wore a black eyepatch, and had a mouth filled to the brim with gold teeth. He had an aura of Marlboro that you could smell if you even looked in his general direction. His age was indeterminable – as is the case with many lifelong smokers. Sitting across from him was a young man wearing a checkered gray business suit. The young man, after intently focusing his energy on his bread roll and side of pasta, looked up across the table to a tall, slim woman sitting across from him. “Hey Jessy, do you know what they were talking about when they mentioned the Prague fair thing?” The old man’s eyebrows twitched with piqued interest, but didn’t make it known. “No – I was wondering the same thing.” The old man let out a quick, huffy chortle. “You kids need to learn your history,” he said as he scarfed down the final bite of his roast beef. “There’s a reason John made it as long as he did. He was ruthless, cutthroat…but he always had a sense of humor. Ya’ gotta have one in this. Otherwise ya’ get bitter, disenchanted, and that’s when you slip up.” The young faces around the table perked up listening, ready to hear a new legend about John. 

“Well you have to understand the way business was in the 1990’s. When the Union dissolved, everything was up for grabs. Naturally, the need for our particular occupation rose considerably.” The gold-toothed man picked up a bread roll and tore into it through the middle, chewing vigorously as he continued his story. 

“In the 90’s, there was a carnival fair that traveled mostly through Eastern Europe, similar to the ones we got over here. There were games, prizes, food, y’know all that. Well it just so happens this particular fair was a front for a large-scale smuggling operation. From country to country they hopped, smuggling intelligence operatives around Europe. Providing ‘em with papers, clothes: the whole deal. Quite a package, eh? And the best part about the whole front was the carnival itself. Usually the best place to hide is in a sea of people…plus nobody expects the guy running their carnival game of ring toss to be a spy.” The gold-toothed man smiled wryly as he came back for the other half of his bread roll. “Well, the operation went smoothly for a few years, until one of the operatives got mixed up in some business with a Czech politician. I never got all the details, but I know it didn’t end well, and the whole thing really caused some internal headaches for the politician. He didn’t take kindly to the embarrassment, and that’s where John came into the picture.”

“The politician reached out to the organization, and John made his way to Europe. The carnival was doing the last leg of their Czech dates in Prague, and the next day they were headed up to Leipzig. John showed up to the carnival early that morning, and walked around all day, eating carnival snacks and playing the odd game every couple of hours. About one hour before close, he hopped in an empty barrel that had been used to store prizes from the fair. I still chuckle thinking about old John sitting in a barrel filled with teddy bears.” The others at the table chuckled. “I’m not sure what got into him that day, but when his heart gets set on something he doesn’t let that go. Must’ve been in a playful mood.”

The gold-toothed man finished up his side dish of potatoes and let out a sigh of fullness. “Y’know this dinner was something, eh? Ah yeah…so John is hidden in the barrel right? And when the fair closes up for the night he sneaks out, and one by one John takes out every single carnival employee. He had a Silent PSS, a switchblade, and some razor wire. For a guy like John that’s all you really need. But here’s the kicker…after he was done, John spent hours meticulously setting up the bodies at the carnival booths, as if they were all still operating their games. The next morning…people start showing up to the god forsaken carnival! At first they all think it’s a gag or something...but it became pretty clear this was no joke when the bodies started to smell!” The listeners busted out laughing. “That sounds just like him,” Jessy said, smiling and shaking her head. The gold-toothed man continued, “All of Prague was bedlam for weeks. They had all the roads blocked, airports filled to the brim with police and federal agents…like something out of a movie. Of course John was long gone by then, comfortably on a private plane back to the land of opportunity. After the incident, fairs in Prague lost much of their former popularity. Even today, some parents still tell their children stories of the carnival ghost of Prague. Our good John has become somewhat of a myth.” The gold-toothed man grinned proudly, and looked over to table A1 where John sat with his wife and two children. Above him was a banner wiggling slightly from the overhead air conditioner. The banner read: “Happy retirement John! World’s greatest assassin, and world’s greatest friend.”