Dead again

Note: The words in italics represents the point of view’s thoughts.

***

‘Beep! Beep!! Beep!!!’ I opened my eyes to the noisy sound of the alarm clock which I had set to 8am today because it was my lecture free day. I slept late because I was working on my manuscript. 

  The sun was out early and it was like it had risen to blind my eyes with its morning rays, I closed my eyes. I reached out my hand to the ringing alarm clock with was on the table beside my bed, I brought my hand down violently to slap the alarm clock like I usually do because the power button doesn’t work anymore.

I sat up and I placed my palm on my face, covering my eyes as I walked to the window which was just few steps from my bed and I closed the curtain halfway reducing the sunny reflection that had let itself into my room. 

I stretched and yawned at the same time as I tried to shake off the sleep remnants in my body, my arm joints crackling as a result. I walked to my dining table which was few centimeters from the window. I had always loved the view from the rooftop room especially if I’m eating, it makes me feel like I’m having a meal in a five-star restaurant. Weird right? I sat on one of the two old squeaky chairs. I grabbed the bottle of water placed on the middle of the table, placed it in my mouth and gulped down its contents till I was satisfied.

As I returned the bottle to its position, like a stone dropped in a peaceful well, a gnawing thought found its way into my head uninvited. I’m going to die today. 

     “That old woman was right.” I smiled sadly at the realization.

My mind flew to when I met the old woman six months back. My girlfriend had taken me to her to check our compatibility. At first, I ignored her because I didn’t believe in those type of things but she started whining saying that I didn’t love her and all sort of shits. After much persuasion coupled with some threats, I decided to follow her there.

      “You two are very compatible” The old woman had said after saying some gibberish while wiggling a very noisy__ I don’t know what that is. She then asked me to wait for some minutes when I and Betty were about to leave saying she wanted to have a word with me alone.

      “You want to know when you will die?” She said as I sat down after Betty had left the room. 

       My heartbeat quickened as I stared at the mysterious woman with wide eyes. She just asked me about the question that have bothered my mind for years. I always wondered if a person could know the day he would die.

      “How did you know?” I asked.

      “You have been doubting me since you came in here.”                

I just continued to stare at the woman wondering how she could just do what she just did. Did she just read my mind? I asked myself.

  “Do you want the answer or not.” The woman asked in a quavering voice that I had gotten used to since I arrived there.

I let my gaze caress her face searching for some clue. I have nothing to lose even if she’s a quack, let’s find out. I thought.

   “Don’t worry, you will find out soon enough if I’m a quack or not. come find me when that time comes”

I tilted my head, unable to understand the wrinkled faced woman sitting in front of me. 

    After few seconds, I sat upright. “Okay tell me, how will I know when I will die.” I finally said.

She studied my face. “You will know when you will die, you will wake up that day feeling it.”

I smiled inwardly. She’s drunk. I rose up. “Thanks, ma’am for telling me this.” I said sarcastically. I didn’t even wait for her response before storming out. She’s absolutely crazy.

  I stood from the dining table and moved to the window, I drew the cotton aside. Now, the sun had risen high up in the sky. My eyes met its rays and I stared at it intensely. I’m dying anyway, I have nothing to lose. 

  The sun didn’t back down and I didn’t either, I continued to stare with my eyes wide opened at the wicked reflection that may make my eyes go blind.

  Justin Bieber and David Guetta’s ‘To You’ suddenly started playing and soon filled the room. That’s my ringtone. “I’m not giving up, I have a call.” I said at the sun but inwardly sincerely thanking the person that made my phone ring.

  ‘Betty’ with two love stickers at the side was sprawled on the screen of the phone when I picked it up from the bed. I tapped on the green call icon and slid it up. “Hello babe.”

  “Chris, let’s go on a date today. We haven’t gone on a date in two weeks.”

   I thought about her offer for some seconds. I should not go out today. But I changed my mind split seconds later. Fuck it it’s my last day, I should have some fun. “Okay, what should we do, movie? Coffee? Or we should go to that restaurant you love?”

  “Can we do all three?” Betty asked reducing the tone of her voice, it sounded hopeful.

  I thought about it for a few seconds. If it was the me of yesterday, I would have refused immediately because I have a novel manuscript to complete. “Yes, we can do all three Betty.”

  “You serious?” she squealed.

  “Yea, let’s do everything you want to do today.”

  “Thanks Chris, I love you, I love you, I love you so much.” She said with excitement.

  “Yea, me too Betty.” So bad I’m dying today. “So which time are you finishing with your lectures.”

  “I’ll be through by four.” There was some sort of shuffle in the background. “Gotta go, the Lecturer is here.” She ended the call.

***

The time clocked 12:45pm when I stepped out into the afternoon sun from my apartment. I placed my cap which I had in my hand on my head. There was only one thing I hated about this city. During summer, it was usually too hot and during winter, it was usually too cold.

  I contemplated going out because I only felt that I’m going to die, I don’t know how or when. that I should at least see my favorite spot of the city before I die. The beach. I loved everything about the beach, from the feel of its sand on my feet to the color of the sea to its smell mixed with the cold air it generates and its never ending length that ends up meeting with the sky at some point.

  I stood at the edge of the busy road. Should I flag down a taxi or not. A car accident death would be painful. I will just walk. I shook my head sadly. I would avoid everything now.

***

  I took a sip of my coffee and I stared at Betty, she was fiddling with her phone. “Betty.” I called to gain her attention. She dropped her phone on the table. “I have something to tell you.”

  “Okay, tell me.”

  I took a deep breath. “Let’s break up.” I finally said. I could see a mixture of confusion and shock written all over face.  

  It took about a minute or two before she could talk. “So this.” She pointed to the coffee cup on the table. “The movie, my favorite restaurant was all compensation for what you are saying now?”

  “You can’t understand Betty.” Should I tell her or not? “I have something going on.”

  “Like what?” She crossed her arms. “Tell me, I’m listening.”

  I grabbed the coffee cup in front of me and I fiddled with the handle. I dropped my head, I sighed. I raised my head and I stared right into her eyes. We didn’t say anything for few seconds.

“I’m waiting Chris. You don’t love me anymore or you have another girl or you are leaving? You have to say something for me to be able to do something.”

  I sighed again still staring at her face. “I can’t do this again Betty, something have changed. I don’t feel the same way anymore.” I finally said.

  She continued to stare at me, expressionless. After some seconds, she closed her eyes and she opened them. “So what was today for Chris, last supper? This? Us sitting here across each other like this?

  I couldn’t reply. I didn’t want to make the matter worse.

  “Answer me Chris, don’t just drop this on me and stay silent.”

  “I’m sorry Betty. I really am.”

  She just stared at me. It was a surprise she didn’t cry, knowing how emotional she was.

  She grabbed her bag and stood from her seat. “Goodbye Chris, Let’s not meet again. Ever.” She left the table.

I closed my eyes and placed my palm on my face.

  “Chris.”

  I removed my hands from my face quickly on hearing Betty’s voice. “What are you-” She grabbed my coffee cup from the table and threw its contents on my face.

  “If I didn’t do that, I won’t sleep tonight. I hope you die Chris.” She dropped the cup, turned and walked out of the restaurant.

I sighed as I grabbed a hand towel and I dabbed my face with it. I also picked up my phone from the table and cleaned the coffee drops smeared around it. I pressed the power button. The time was 8pm. “Maybe it was a joke after all.” Truth be told, I avoided everything. I had not taken any taxi today, at the beach I steer clear the sea. One side of me hoped that I would get past 12am today, tomorrow and the next.

***

“Oh, fuck it.” I said drunk as I flagged down an oncoming taxi. I opened the backdoor and entered.

  “Where to sir?” The middle aged male driver asked me.

  I handed him my phone. “This address.”

  He collected the phone from me, stared at the screen for some time and he entered the address into the navigation system and he glanced at me through the rear mirror as he accelerated off. “Had a little to drink?”

  “Yea, I’m allegedly dying today.”

  The driver squinted his eyes and he shakes his head. “Don’t worry buddy, you ain’t dying tonight. I’ll get you home safely.”

  I just closed my eyes without responding. I should call mum. I brought out my phone. I searched for a number saved with ‘Mum’, I dialed and I brought the phone to my ear.

  “Hello son.” 

  I shut my eyes tight. She is going to lose her only child. “Mum, I love you so much.” I blurted out

  “What’s wrong Chris?” she said in a worrying voice.

  “Mom, I…I…” I stopped when I heard a wild screech of the tires, I looked up to see a gas tanker just inches away from our car. I closed my eyes. I don’t want to see my death. I knew this was coming, I couldn’t shake off the feeling all day. Maybe I really wanted to die was why I got on the taxi. That thought left me wondering what would have happened if I had not gotten on the cab. Would I have gotten past today? Would I have gotten home and slept the day off? That I would never find out. There was a big crash and that was the last thing I knew.

***

  I opened my eyes to the sound of the loud alarm. I sighed with relief. It was just a dream. I thought. But how could a dream be so vivid. I could feel everything that happened to me there. I closed my eyes when I realized the morning sun rays where blinding my eyes and shielded my eyes with my palm. I hit the alarm clock to stop its violent ringing. With my palm still blocking the violent rays, I walked to the curtain and I shut it.

  Suddenly, I had the feeling that I had in that dream. “No! no! no! This can’t be happening.” 

  I walked to my bed, I picked up my phone and stared at it intensely. Please don’t ring. Please Betty.

  After about ten minutes the phone didn’t ring, I dropped it back on the bed hoping and praying.

  My phone lighted up as the ringtone started. My prayers were not answered. I thought as I saw Betty sprawled across the screen.

  Reluctantly, I slid up the green icon on the screen of the phone. “Hey Betty.”

  “Chris, let’s go on a date today. We haven’t gone on a date in two weeks.”

  I froze. So it wasn’t a dream? It was all real?

  “Hello Chris, are you ther-“ I severed the call and I sat down on the bed and breathed slowly to ease my pacing heartbeat. I’m going to do this differently this time. I told myself. 

***

  I opened my eyes to the sound of the loud ‘Beep!!’ my alarm makes. It happened again. I decided to stay at home and not go anywhere hoping for a different result but here I am again, repeating the day of my death for the third time. I remembered dying with a heart attack even after I resolved not to go anywhere. An idea popped into my head. I will just go to the beach. I stood from my bed immediately I won’t go near the water, I would just watch from afar.  

***

  The sound of the loud alarm waked me. I sighed. What am I going to do to escape this frustrating loop of the day of my death which seemed to be different every day I woke up? 

  Even as I had gone to the beach, I died again. Another accident. I didn’t even know what to do than to continue living repeating day. It’s getting stressful.

***

  My death day loop went on for more than 20 times and I had died different types of deaths in all. Murders, accidents, my organ failures and so on. I was so stressed that I even started wishing not to wake up again. At first, I thought maybe God was showing me a way to beat death but now, I don’t even want to wake up anymore.

  After my 25th death, I went in search of the old woman who told me I would get the feels that I was going to die on my death day. I remembered she told me to come find her. When I got to her place, I was told she died a day earlier.

  Now here I am, waking up the 508th time or is it 509th? narrating my ordeal, living the same day differently trying to break myself free of the cursed blessing that I was bestowed with. I hope the world ends one day and I hope everything just stops as the rumors say. But it’s just all hope, I don’t know if I would spend the rest of eternity living the same day or one day maybe after my 100,000th or 110,000th time living the same day, the world would stop existing and I would finally get to rest. But it’s just all hope, all hope.