12 comments

Fiction

just a heads up i'm not trying to be professional



"Chloe" mom calls from the kitchen "breakfast" ugh another day of soggy oatmeal and mushy raisins oh how I wish we could have something good for breakfast just once.


"Chloe" mom calls again. "Coming" I yell back but I take my sweet sweet time pulling on my leggings and blouse, combing my hair though I wish I could just wear one of my hats they are so much more comfortable.


by the time I get to the kitchen i'm ready for school and mom is giving me the evil eye

"what" I complain with a hint of sass.

"The one time I make pancakes for breakfast and you don't even bother to come down here."

"You could have told me you made pancakes" I yelled at her.

"Chloe" mom scolds "you'll wake your brother"

"I still don't see why he doesn't have to go to school" I huff.

"he isn't feeling well." mom tells me.

"I know" i'm yelling again "he threw up all over my clothes yesterday" I scream at her purposely loud enough for Sam to hear.

"that's it young lady go to school I when you get home your grounded."


fine I turn around and stalk out making sure to slam the door behind me and that was the last straw.


most people say I have anger management problems but I don't know what they're talking about.


when I got home after school I saw mom and dad sitting and the dinner table with the computer open and I immediately new something was wrong.


"Chloe" dad said I could hear every bit of sadness in his voice.

"what" I snapped

"don't get mad but we are sending you to Saint Helena's boarding school for young women" he told me.


No I thought they wouldn't but I could see every bit of seriousness in their eyes they weren't bluffing they had already signed me up.


The last few weeks of middle school dragged on summer went even slower I couldn't stop thinking about saint Helena's boarding school. Before I new it mom had packed my bags into the car. I was so mad I didn't even say good bye to Sam or dad.


The car ride took forever but when we finally got the Saint Helena's boarding school for young women a stiff girl about 16 walked out to greet us she help my mom get my bags out of the car and showed my around the school she showed me to the dorms where I dropped my bags off then she showed me the dinning room and class rooms


after dinner I went to the office to get my schedule for the next day but when I got there there was blood a knife and ropes on the floor I went to take out my phone and call 911 but mom took my phone away apparently they're not aloud.


Not wanting to get caught up in whatever is going on here I went back to the dorms found the girl who had shown me around told her there was no one in the office which wasn't really lying. She told me to just wait in the office so I didn't really have much of a choice but to go back.


By the time I got back to the office there wasn't a sign of what I had seen just minutes before instead there was an old woman sitting behind a desk I figured I was just seeing things trying to make this boring school more interesting mom always said I had a big imagination when I was little.


after I got my schedule and uniform (tights, tall socks, shiny black shoes, a knee length skirt, a white blouse, a blazer and necktie) I went back to the dorms and crashed on my bed though it wasn't very comfortable all night I dreamed about the blood knife and ropes on the floor of the office and why they were there.


The next day went so slow I almost ripped my hair out of my head the day started at 6:00 in the morning I never got up that early back home. Classes didn't end until 6:00 pm.

after dinner everyone had to be in their dorms by 8:00.


Over the next few weeks every time I passed the office would peek in the little window but i never saw anything suspicious.


We were 4 weeks into the school year and I already felt more pristine and proper yuck at lunch a girl about my age 14 or so sat down next to me and mumbles something.

"What did you say" I ask her.

"Meet me in the bathroom at 8:45" she whispers.

"But no one is aloud to leave the dorms after 8" I whisper back.

"Then don't go to the dorms" she says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.


The rest of the day I wonder how to sneak into the bathroom without anyone seeing me.


7:59 I slip in to the bathroom hide in a stall making sure the door stays open and my feet aren't visible just in case the hallway monitors check the bathroom. As it gets closer to 8:45 I hear noise in the hall. I hear the bathroom door creak open and footsteps walk over I peak out of my stall and see a bunch of girls including the girl who showed me around the first day.


I find the girl who I talked to at lunch.

"Everyone she says we have a new member"

"what?" I say surprised.

I've seen the way you look in the office window she tells me I know you saw it

"saw what?" I say defensively.

"The blood knife and ropes" one girl cuts in.

"I saw a pistol too" says another girl.

"I saw chains not ropes" complains another.

"So all of you saw something in the office on your first days here too" I ask

"No" says the girl from lunch "well kinda I saw it when I got detention

anyway i'm Piper she says that Anne she points to the girl from my first day Camilla is the girl who saw the pistol and Mia saw the chains we all think something is going on here and we need your help to find out what it is"


to be continued...

October 21, 2020 19:29

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12 comments

Charles Stucker
16:53 Oct 22, 2020

. coming i yell back but i take my sweet sweet time pulling on my leggings and blouse combing my hair though i wish i could just wear one of my hats they are so much more comfy- period at the end. capitalize the I's and coming. Are you deliberately channeling e e cummings by not using capitalization or punctuation? After the beginning, you have only quotation marks. This makes it harder to get a grasp of whether something is a deliberate sass of writing formalisms or a mistake. There instead of They're? did you intend it, or... Everyt...

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Claire Huettl
18:54 Oct 22, 2020

i'm a 13 year old girl who is just trying to find a way to share my stories so i'm not trying to be professinal (i can't even spell half the time) the end was supposed to be a cliff hanger but i'm not going to be able to right more so i might go back and change that mostly i'm right for my friends on a google slide show and the stories on there are barely 200 words

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Charles Stucker
19:11 Oct 22, 2020

Alright. If you post "To be continued" at the end, we know it will have more later. If you start with "I don't use normal grammar/punctuation so don't correct them" then you won't get someone saying you have poor spelling/grammar. I enjoyed it enough I want to see the end, but I like to help those who are trying to make pro sales. So I try to respond with what I know. From my side of the keyboard, you could have been a graduate school English major trying to make a statement. So now we both know where the other is coming from.

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Claire Huettl
19:17 Oct 22, 2020

ok will do

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P. Jean
17:03 Oct 22, 2020

Your story while very creative, was painful to read. If the form you chose was for a reason, I haven’t figured that out yet. I get yelled at all the time for miss placed commas but I write like I speak so maybe correct grammar and punctuation is as, or more, important that “the story” itself. I’m too new to know. A few wrong words also. I.e, but mom took my phone away apparently there not aloud. THEY’RE NOT ALLOWED not there not aloud. Read it through again. Really look for errors. And keep writing. I wonder where this story was g...

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Claire Huettl
18:56 Oct 22, 2020

again i'm 13 and not trying to be professional i don't want to win and my mom doesn't even know i do this

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P. Jean
19:35 Oct 22, 2020

Yes the contest is a distraction, I agree. My meaning was 13 or 80, the story, the imagination, the colorful way you describe the natural world or the feelings your words convey...those are the important things. The rest can be learned. Or pay someone to do your housekeeping when you are famous. Keep writing...be happy!

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Claire Huettl
19:49 Oct 22, 2020

I definitely won't be cleaning my own house when I'm famous LOL thanks for understanding y'all

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P. Jean
21:10 Oct 22, 2020

You are very welcome.

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Orenda .
16:06 Oct 22, 2020

I saw you followed me, so I thought of sharing my views on this. It's pretty well done for a first story. I enjoyed it, but I dont know if you noticed it or ignored it, but you have no punctuation marks. The periods and inverted commas are missing in most of the story. And you haven't capitalized the pronouns. These are just very minor errors that you edit with just a quick review. I'm not acting rude by any means. I'm sorry if I sound like it, but these are very obvious mistakes and you have a great plot, so good luck with your other stori...

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Claire Huettl
18:49 Oct 22, 2020

thanks for the comment yes my teacher (and dad) say I have that problem i will try to go back and fix that

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Orenda .
18:52 Oct 22, 2020

My pleasure, and yes, sure do! Have a great day, please :D

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