Perfidiousness To Reminisce

I gazed at the pretty reflection on the dressing mirror. I didn't look less than a princess and I wasn't as pretty as the stars either but I was beautiful.

Today wasn't one of the days I could get away with the impression that I wasn't pretty enough for my groom. Despite he never welcomed my idea on resorting but I did see that spark in his eyes whenever I looked pretty sheen.

The glimmering look of his eyes was all I could imagine. It wasn't definitely going to be a dim glow because today was special. Special enough to thaw a frozen heart or to lube a hard smile.

Jason wasn't the perfect description of the groom I always dreamt about, he wasn't either the flawless prince I always craved for or the proficient man I admired but he was going to be my husband in thirty minutes or more.

I was delighted, pleased and exceedingly excited. Who wouldn't be?

It was my special day, my very own wedding, getting married to the prince charming who was waiting and expecting me soon.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I quickly remembered that Jason was definitely waiting.

The timepiece was indicating I needed to hurry on, was everything perfect?

Was I pretty enough for my groom? Were they guests I couldn't interact with?

I quickly called my cosmetician and asked for final touches. I needed to be perfect for Jason, maybe I was going to earn his admiration today.

As I walked out of the door with my bridesmaids, I was anxious, nervous, angstful, careful and uneasy. Did I need to see Jason before the wedding?

Halting abruptly, I asked my bridesmaids to wait while I headed towards his room. The wedding wasn't going to be kicking off soon if my mother was still applying layers of make up on her face.

What was he going to think of my dress? Was he going to kiss me? I wouldn't mind risking the makeup just for him. I was really nervous but I had to see him.

As I pushed up the door with a bright and full smile, something hit me hard in the chest.

There I stood, eyes fixed at the improbable situation. I didn't seem to get myself right or maybe I suddenly needed spectacles to see pellucidly.

There was my Jason with another woman wrapped up in his arms and her lips pressed to his. That was no other woman than Veronica, my mother. The woman who was supposed to lead me to my groom.

My throat was throbbing, my eyes were hurting really bad and my lips twitched. There was no way this was happening to me. I could only lift my cold gaze to Jason who had disentangled himself from my mother, and then to my mum who I had never seen so ashamed before.

I didn't think it was right, it didn't need to panic but it felt right, I knew I wasn't supposed to do that but the huge effort I was making to keep my emotions together wasn't really paying off.

It happened within a moment and I was running off bawling like a hurt rabbit.

Jason ran after me hollering my name which definitely attracted huge attention from lots of people. I have never been so humiliated in my entire life.

Humiliation wasn't what I felt, I was hurt, my emotions were toiled around with and my feelings were neglected. How long had they kept this from me? Was this their little secret or was it just a one minute mistake?

I needed answers to my questions and I had more questions but I wasn't expecting them from both of them. But who?

I was really crying hard, I needed to escape this moment or probably wake up from this super terrifying nightmare because I couldn't bear it one more second.

I dashed into my dressing room and luckily, I was alone. Oh, where I could cry away from all the pain, Away from all the humiliation, the heart ache, and the shame. Who on Earth would believe me if I ever told the truth?

I couldn't have a minute alone to myself before Jason was banging hard on the door.

"Josie, please open up the door baby" he said in a low husky voice. I knew that voice, the voice of sadness and disappointment.

I should be disappointed, I deserved to slit his throat right now but I wouldn't, maybe not right now.

"Josie, in the name of God, please open the door." He kept banging the door, "oh holy shit."

I knew him for his bad temper, he never accepted his flaws even when it was so obvious.

He never admitted or accepted his mistakes and would rather get pissed off if you talk about them.

Well, his temper wasn't part of why I was opening up the door, i needed an explanation but I knew I wasn't ready to receive one.

I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes as I pulled the door knob. He came in and took three strides towards me which I obviously returned with my backwards steps.

He froze at the spot, staring hard at me. He was either trying to find a white lie to buy me off or trying to tell me the truth falsely. Either ways, he was definitely not going to be honest.

"I'm..I'm sorry Josie..I really am", he said with a sad depressed look. That wasn't going to buy me off, it wasn't doing anything or Changing my emotions. The sweet Josephine was gone.

"Sorry?" I asked cheesed off, "For what exactly?"

"For..."

"Don't bother doing that", I interrupted him, "I didn't let you in to hear anything from you".

I was getting myself psyched up to face any consequences. I had the choice to make now, I had the balls in my court, not him, not anyone, not even my mother.

He was standing between me and a huge choice and I was trying to make it quick. Tears filled up my eyes again but this time,not out of pain or heart break but out of anger, shame and disappointment.

I couldn't make out why I ended up with him in the first place, he wasn't sweet, he wasn't Caring, he wasn't in anyway the description of a fiance but I loved him. I hoped to change him but now, I could really see how far my change went.

Disappointment struck me hard, I couldn't feel my head anymore. Why was my mother so heartless and shameless?

She was making out quite cushy and cozy in his arms without the slightest or negligible consideration of my feelings.

"I know I messed up big time but it wasn't really my fault", he said taking a step forward resulting to a reflex from me. I took steps backwards to avoid him. He wasn't even apologizing, he was trying to push off the blame. To who?

"I should have never thought you deserved me because you are...", I caught a deep breath of the air because the environment was strangling me, "How could you?"

"Josie, please let's go through with the wedding. I will explain everything later but I am sorry." He was really pissing me off or I was already pissed off and was like a ticking time bomb about to explode. "I am really desperate Josie, I will do anything. Just forgive me".

I wasn't considering his apologies, I could only think of one possible possibility. It was going to be bitter-sweet but I had my mind made up.

"Anything??" I asked him taking one little step forward. I saw the slight glimmer in his eyes. What exactly was he expecting?

"Yes Josie. Anything".

"I want a divor...." Words ran out of my lips as I remembered that we weren't married after all. Instead, I took out the cheap piece of metal I had on my fingers and threw it on his head. I didn't care if it hurt or not. "That's what I want".

He staggered back trying to make out what just happened but I took that as my escape time and quickly shoved myself through the door and as his hands tried to grip me, I shoved them off.

"Its over".

I took off, running and crying. Running to where I could find peace but I didn't know where. I just needed an escape, the air around the hotel was too poisoned and cold to breath in.

Everyone was staring, I heard people calling to me but I didn't want to listen. I ran as fast as my legs could carry and pulled out my heels just outside the hotel and dashed off to no where.

Maybe I would find peace but I would never obliviate my proposed wedding. The day I lost my heart to my mother and my fiance.