I wish I could travel back into the past and change what had happened that day but, I know it’s not possible so I gave up on that dream a while ago. I still wish and pray for it to change, for it does haunt me.
I woke up to screams or what I thought was screaming. There was no screaming, it was all in my head. Sometimes I get flashbacks of that day or dream about what had happened. The dreams are so vivid and surreal it makes me think that I’m back at where it all happened.
I get up covered in sweat and am shaking so badly I have to sit back down. I got up after a couple of minutes and decided to take a shower to try to wash away the dreams and my thoughts with it. The shower usually helps but today is different. A year from today is the day my life fell apart. I get out of the shower and head back to my room. I didn’t look at the clothes that I put on. I went down the stairs that are right across from my room and into the kitchen. My moms cooking something on the stove and everyone else is scattered around the house. I live with my mom, dad, my sister Megan, my brother Raven, and my other brother Jake. No one has talked to me since that day. I haven’t talked since that day, either. I’m basically a mute. They all think it’s my fault. They don’t need to say it. I can see the accusation in their eyes or the way they don’t look at me. I wish they would listen to me, hear me out, but they won’t. They never will.
Instead of stopping and getting breakfast I walk past my mom and out the house. All without anyone looking or saying anything to me. I don’t know where I’m going. I just need to get away from them, from that house, from everything. I wander around for hours, not even knowing where or what I’m doing. I finally look up after what had seemed like a century and I’m standing in the middle of the woods. I looked around to notice a cabin. I walk closer to it and notice that it has two doors. That’s strange. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Two doors? I walk right up to them and note that they have symbols or maybe words carved into the wood above each door. I stood there for a good hour just contemplating what the symbols/words mean and which door to go in. I know, if you see a creepy cabin in the middle of the woods you’re supposed to run away. Well that’s not me. That’s never been me. I’m the cat that got killed by curiosity.
I have finally decided to go through the door on the left. No, I still haven’t figured out what the symbols/words mean. I opened the door and as I went through the door a peaceful sensation went over me. It’s as if this was the right thing to do or the right choice. I walked through the doorway. Everything is black. Then like a blink of an eye, I ended up at my best friend’s house. I don’t understand this. My best friend should be dead. I shouldn’t be here.
My best friend, Casey, walks up to me, “Hey, there you are, I’ve been looking for you. How do you like the party?” She asks. I can’t talk and I don’t feel well. I walked away slowly at first, then turned around and ran. I know this house like the back of my hand, as this was my second home.
I was up the stairs in less than five seconds. I ran into the room where Casey’s sister, Poppy, sleeps. I stop when I see her. It’s like nothing ever happened. It’s as if she didn’t die. She was like a sister, my sister but when she died everything ended. I watched as her chest rises and falls as she breathes. I ran to her to pick her up and hug her. She wiggles in my arms.
“Let me go, Davey!” She groans and tries to wiggle her way out of my grasp. I held her for a couple more seconds as if I may never be able to hug her again. As I let go Casey came up into the room. Now they are both staring at me. I don’t know what to do. I stare back.
“What’s wrong with you, Davey?” Casey asks. I don’t think I can tell her. Not after everything that has happened. So I shrug. “You have been acting so weird lately. You haven’t said one word since I found you.” I just look at Casey. I sit down on the chair next to Poppy’s bed. Not wanting to be too far away from her just in case it is a dream or something happens. “Can you please say something?” Casey begged. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. After six years of not talking, one day is not going to change that. Although I wish it did.
Poppy walks over to her bed and lays down but doesn’t go to sleep. She just looks at me, as I look back at her. It’s like she knows everything. I get up and go over to the desk that’s right next to the door. I picked up a pen and a piece of paper. Then write down what I needed to say. I gave it to Casey. She looks at the paper then at me and takes it.
“I love you too, Davey.” Casey walks over to me and hugs me. I haven’t felt a hug in six years. It feels so foreign. I’m not used to this but I could get used to it. I needed a hug like this the day I came home from the accident. I needed a hug only a mother could give. But that never happened and it never will. My mom never wanted me which is why I lived with my best friend for years till the incident.
I hugged Casey back. “How come you don’t speak? It’s only been like a couple of hours.” Casey handed back the pen and paper. I wrote down on the piece of paper, then gave it back. She took it and read from it. The letter wrote “It felt longer than that.”
“I promise you that we won’t be apart that long again.” Casey states.
Six years ago
It had started out as a normal day. I woke up with a hangover from partying with Casey and other people I don’t know, all night long. I take a shower, get dressed and go downstairs. I usually make breakfast for the both of us. We would usually go out and explore or watch people being stupid. But today was different. It was Casey’s birthday. She’s now thirteen years old. So we’re going to throw a party today at her house, again. First we have to go and buy everything.
We go to the store and buy red solo cups, paper plates, food, and drinks. Later on Casey’s boyfriend is going to bring the adult beverages and the really good high quality weed. We go home and set everything up then let everyone in. Yes it took the whole day to go shopping. Most of the time we just fantasized about everything we wanted but couldn’t get. When the house was filled up with random people we took out the weed and vodka. We lit the bong and passed it around in a circle. Casey first, then Matt, her boyfriend, me, Jeremy, a kid from school, Sam, and other people I don’t know. After that we packed some more and it went around again. Then the vodka was next. It went around in a circle. I took a good cup size amount. Then that’s when things got crazy. We all were about to go outside and fool around near the pool. But then there was a blood curdling scream that came from Casey. She was outside next to the pool and there was her sister’s body floating on top of the water. Casey runs over and picks her up but Poppy is already dead. There was a gash on her head and she was a blueish purple color. I was in shock till the police came and took me to the police station to question me.
I get to the police station and I’m still out of it. I don’t know if it was because of the drugs or the shock of seeing Poppy’s body floating on the water. They asked me questions but I couldn’t answer. All I could see was the small body on the water and hearing Casey fall to the ground screaming and crying. After a couple of days I got a call from Casey’s mother saying Casey committed suicide. They said she shot herself in the head. I know why she did it. She couldn’t live through life knowing that it was her fault that Poppy died. Knowing that her parents told her to watch Poppy. I usually would help take care of Poppy when they left her home but I didn’t know she was in her room. If I had I wouldn’t have partied. They brought me to a correctional facility for a couple of years but I never spoke after that day. That was the incident. The accident. That is what I wish I could change. That is what had messed me up for life. Even if I was able to go back into time to fix it, it wouldn’t take away my memories of that night.
For you people out there who wish that you could go back and change something like I do, you will still carry those memories forever even if you do change the past. Memories are something that you live with and get through but they don’t go away.