The Betwixtmas Escape Plan of '22

The Betwixtmas Escape Committee Meeting Minutes of '22

Attendees: Charlie Potts, Head of Operations; Rachel Huffington-Hill; Strategic Planner; cousin Charlotte, junior Family Representative (minute taker); Aunt Matilda, elder Family Representative (Chair).

Apologies: Royston Rockall, Head of Delivery.

Venue: Back Room at The Old Chimes Bar and Grill.

Date and time: the evening prior to Betwixtmas.

The meeting was declared quorate by Aunt Matilda with apologies from Royston Rockall noted. AM welcomed the Committee members present and asked if anyone was aware of the reason for RRs absence. Charlie Potts quickly offered that the circumstances leading up to the eventide past were perhaps a contributory factor. Enthusiastic libationing had occurred in the Front Room at The Old Chimes, due in no small measure (no pun intended) to RRs generosity of conviviality and a good win on the horses. CP further noted that the runner suggested to him by RR had fallen at the first. AM thanked the clype, CP. 

Aunt Matilda called for the first item on the agenda. Immediately, Charlie Potts raised his hand and the concern that everyone had been worrying about but decided not to be the one to actually say anything about, for fear of looking like the weakest link. If Royston Rockall had sent his apologies, who, in the name of Great Odin, would be filling in his role as Head of Delivery the very next evening? CP felt that the entire event was at risk with the absence of an experienced pair of hands at the helm. CP held this in very grave concern and requested that the minutes note that this issue was of the very gravest concern, that he couldn't understand how unconcerned everyone else appeared to be about it and that no doubt every other member of the Committee were indeed just as concerned but were clearly too feeble to make mention of it. Aunt Matilda thanked CP for raising the point. AM reminded CP that his fellow Committee members were neither feeble nor unconcerned and requested that CP reign himself in, settle down and focus on this first item on the agenda and matter in hand, namely, electing a depute Escape Committee Delivery Officer.  

After an unanimous show of hands, cousin Charlotte was duly elected as depute Delivery Officer. cC thanked the Committee for the opportunity but queried her ability, skills and experience for the role. Further, cC felt her appointment could bring reputational risk to the Committee, citing her recent involvement with the local constabulary after her accidental misappropriation of several hundred shillings that remained unaccounted for, to this very day. cC further highlighted her inability to turn up on time for anything; this being so well documented that her habitual lateness was universally known as "running on Charlotte-time". The Committee dismissed all allegations as irrelevant and inconclusive and agreed that members were willing to take the risk. cC was advised that she would do the job just fine and no amount of whining or moaning would get her out of it. cC capitulated, thanked the Committee and muttered indistinguishable comments quietly under her breath (struck from the record).

Item 2 on the agenda, finalising the details of the partakers of the main event. The Committee were required to put the finishing touches to this most unconventional yet thoroughly traditional proceeding, The Betwixtmas Escape Plan - the exit strategy warmly welcomed by festive failures everywhere and those of a less than merry disposition. (The trumpeter was thanked for his splendid, if impromptu and unexpectedly loud, salute to The Plan and was advised to return to the Front Bar.)

Rachel Huffington-Hill gave a slide show of the list of this years' Betwixtmas candidates - the usual suspects; each good, solid candidates. Well qualified, time served, ripe to be busted out and delivered to their rightful and relative (but no relation) compadres.  

Slide one - The Twenty-Something's. Having dutifully returned to their parents home for the family feast, now desperate to be elsewhere having washed down turkey meat as dry as the desert and cremated vegetables with one glass too many of the parents house, house red. An over-subscribed category.

Slide two - The Dutiful Daughter. Dishes done, her aged mother now dozing contentedly by the fire. The television comedy show jokes, slowly being drowned out by ever less gentle snoring and landing on deafened ears. Good to go.

Slide three - The Unexpected Guest. The one who decided they could wait no longer and this was the year to confess their true feelings to their secret love. The one who imagined a requited reaction rather than the passive aggressive response they received. The one who arrived unexpectedly and unbidden and who now wished to bid their misjudged misadventure adieu and leave in a similar manner - rapido.

Rachel Huffington-Hill put it to the Committee that there was limited places in the perambulator and a decision was now required on her recommendation that three Twenty-Somethings and the Dutiful Daughter should be scheduled into The Plan for the Escape of '22. 

Charlie Potts suggested that the Unexpected Guest was still a worthy candidate and should be considered as a substitute for any Twenty-Something that appeared over-inebriated, as the clean up after perambulation was often extensive and beyond any reasonable expectation of duty. 

Cousin Charlotte asked what time the perambulation pick up route began. The Committee was in general agreement that the hour of commencement would be 7 chimes. 

Aunt Matilda reflected that previous years had seen poor weather affect the perambulation timetable and preparations should be made in the event that similar conditions be encountered this season. The Weather Stone had been off it's game in recent times and was not to be entirely relied upon for accurate forecasting. A finger in the wind would provide a more trustworthy report. 

Committee Decision: after careful consideration, there would be a perambulation seat allocation for four; the Dutiful Daughter and three Twenty-Somethings, pending sobriety. Should any require and fail the intoxication test, an immediate dispatch to rescue the Unexpected Guest would be made.

Although collection would begin a 7 chimes, cousin Charlotte's call would be 6 chimes. Just in case. 

Final item: AOB. 

RHH informed that this would be her last year on the Committee as she was undertaking a permanent sabbatical with the undertaking company. The Committee wished her well and agreed that there was an assured future ahead for her within a consistently buoyant market. 

cC was reminded that the call for her tomorrow was 6 chimes. 

Aunt Matilda thanked the Committee for another year of hard work in the face of adversity. There had been little let up in the decline of seasonal goodwill and it was accepted that the circadian rhythm was considered an old fashioned beat. However they had prevailed, the light was, as ever, now returning and the Betwixtmas Escape Plan of '22 was sure to be one of their most needed yet. And needed now, perhaps more, than ever before. AM had every confidence in the Committee and wished everyone a very Happy New Year and very best of luck for tomorrow.  

Date for next meeting: the evening prior to Betwixtmas '23

Addendum - from the evening post-Betwixtmas. Due to the lateness of cC, RHH stepped in to the role of Delivery Officer and having enjoyed the ride so much, has withdrawn her resignation and will be joining the Committee next year after all. 

Postscript - CP has requested no further tips on the races please and advises that no one listen to any of RRs future "sure things". 

THE END