Having His Baby Dialogue Piece

“What’s wrong with you? Are you still having morning sickness?”

“Yes. I can’t keep anything down, except raw eggs. Eggs are easy. But I can’t lay them. 

“Sorry, I know I promised to get some. I can go to the variety store. They’re open all night.”

“Oh, no, you can’t. You look a mess. You’d freak Sam out. Where have you been all night? Again?”

“I’m really trying, Anka. I was looking for a job – all day and all night. In my condition, it’s not easy.  Not like I could ever work in an office again. I put in my application at all the gas stations in town.”

“How’d you get around? The car was in the driveway all night.”

“You know I have ways.”

“Maybe you could work in a zoo. Inside a cage.”

“That’s cruel. I can’t help what I’ve become. Useless to society.”

“You’re not useless. Not to me Paul. It’s like having a husband and a pet all in one. Have you had breakfast yet?”

“I don’t know how to answer that, darling.”

“Don’t bother. I can see schmutz on your face.”

“I guess I missed some spots cleaning myself off.”

“Looks like you were in a hurry to get your shirt off though. Or did Ramona do that?”

“No. You know she got hit by a car.”

“But she didn’t die. She just bounced right back. She’s like a bloody bouncing ball with sharp teeth.” 

“You really wish she did die.”

“Now who’s being cruel? No.  By the time I bought her a Get Well card, she was healed. 

Have you seen her since the accident?”

“Yes. You know I did. I told her you’re having my baby. You understand she means nothing to me. It was only the one time.”

“All it took was once to link you to the bitch.”

“She’s out of our lives, Anka. The bitch has left for better hunting grounds.”

“Both her legs were broken. She managed to crawl into that basement she’s living in. I could see how much pain she was in.”

“You saw her.”

“I should have told you. I was with her when she had the accident. Paul. She was just opening the door to her place.  I was out looking for you. I was sure you were with her. Thankfully there was nobody on the street. I was livid. The jealousy – it was my monster. I called her names. Bitch. Dog-breath. Hell Hound. Kitty Litter. I knew that one would really rile her.   She cursed the baby. Threatened to rip out the seed inside me.”

“She wouldn’t have done it. You have to believe that.”

“I screamed. Actually, I howled, Paul. I went to boot her.  I kicked the air and missed, but she backed away, into the street. The oncoming truck couldn’t stop. The brakes squealed. I screamed. And the baby kicked, for the first time. The truck hit Ramona and she fell to the ground. You told me nothing could hurt her and I believed you, because Ramona just got up as if she’d only been tapped. She convinced the truck driver she was OK.   But you were wrong. By the time she got to her door, she crumbled. She looked so pitiful and vulnerable. I tried to help her. I held the door open, and she crawled down the steps to her apartment. I couldn’t just leave her there. And the baby kicked again, as if it were trying to get at her.  She collapsed onto a rug. She had no furniture. Just a rug. No, it was a dog bed. Extra extra large. And what did I do?”

“You cleaned her up.”

“No, before that. I searched around the apartment for you. I was sure you were hiding in some dark corner. The place was so dark and gloomy. But you weren’t there.”

“It was only the one time. You have to believe me. You have to let go of the hatred you feel for her.”

“She was whimpering. Oh Paul, I felt compassion for her, not hatred.”

“You brought her food and water. She told me. That was very kind of you.”

“You saw yourself then, how quickly she mended. But it was you who licked her wounds.”

“Yes, I visited her, only once. She told me she only needed you. You helped her heal.”

“I let her feel the baby kicking. But I’m still angry with her.”

She’s gone to better hunting grounds. Let it go, Anka. My head is beginning to hurt.” 

“I shouldn’t have gotten you worked up. Go to your room. Lock the door and sleep. I’m going to get ready for work, Paul. As it is, I’m this close to being fired.”

“Not quite close enough. Just another step, closer to me.”

“No, sorry. You stink. You need a shower.”

“Take a sick day. Tell them you have severe morning sickness.”

“That doesn’t help pay the mortgage. Or electricity, heat, water.”

Quit. We can live just fine without all this luxury.” 

“Sounds terrific. At least I wouldn’t have clean up after you anymore. Which reminds me… your aim missed the toilet again.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Think about it. We have no commitments, except to each other.”

“And in a few months, our child. My family has pretty much ostracized us. You terrified my mother when you ripped apart the ceiling in the recreation room.”

“She said she couldn’t stand the mice mucking about between the floors. I caught two of them. And… I made sure she didn’t watch me get rid of them.”

“You were drooling, Paul. My mother is terrified of you.”

“I was being a good son-in-law, that’s all.”

“That’s another reason I can’t quit my job. We have to pay for the damages. Why are you panting?”

“Anka. My head is pounding. I am trying to hold it inside, but this emotional arousal is too much.”

“Breathe with me. Slowly. One… two… three… keep going… four… five… six… yes, that’s good. Seven… eight…”

“Wohhhh. It’s helping.”

“Let me feel you forehead.”

“Wohhh….Don’t touch me!”

“I need to see if you’re burning up.”

“Keep counting.”

“I forgot where I left off. One, two, three, four, who are we for? Rah, rah, RAW. Paul. A shower might really help.”

“It’s too late for that. Keep counting. Nine… Ten... Anka, it’s not working. Leave me. Go to work. Just get out.”

“You need to get into your room. I’ll get a pail of water for you. And some steaks. We still have steaks. They’re frozen, but they’ll thaw. But you already ate. What did you eat, Paul? Oh my God. What did you eat last night? I think I going to be sick. My head is pounding. Why is my head pounding?”

“It’s passing. Deep breath. Wohhh. Yes, I’m coping, calming down – all me a calmed, collected human.”

“What’s happening to me? My head is pounding. It’s like a lead ball is banging my head. No. Hammers. Like evil goblins are throwing hammers at my head. Chopping my head off my shoulder. The baby is kicking too hard. It’s trying to get out.”

“You should have gotten rid of it.”

“No. Never. It’s a lovely way of saying how much I love you.  Is the baby wearing combat boots? My brain is on fire. Hold me, Paul. No. Get away. Don’t come near me. Call work. Tell them I can’t come in.”

“It’s too late for that. You’ll never be going back. Ever.”

“Pregnancy doesn’t suit me.”

“It does. I’m happy you’re having our baby. You were right.   But this could be too much for you. The seed inside you has become a monster.”

Am I going to die?”

“No. You need help, right now. Your face is glowing. You’re going into labour.”

“But it’s …. owwww…. it’s too early. I’m having contractions. Is that what the pain is?”

“Yes, the baby’s ready. Gestation period is 60 days not two hundred and… nine months. You are, after all, having MY baby.”

“I need Ramona. But she’s gone. We’re on our own.”

“Turns out her hunting grounds is just a block away. With your brother.”

“No. She’ll turn him too. The pain!”

“Breathe with me. One…”

“We’ll never get rid of her now. We can’t sweep her out of our lives. Oh, please… get Ramona.”

“She knows. I can feel her. She’s near.”

“I feel her too. And my poor brother, Brad. I need Ramona.”

“I promise she won’t hurt you or the baby.”

“And what will the baby be? A Puppy Love? I’m having another contraction. Wohhhhhh! Get the door. She’s here.”