For you, my love

I stared at Julian, feeling like my chest had been caved in. My best friend, my world…

He looked like he was sleeping.

I knew better. I knew what my cousin was about to tell me, the moment I looked away and asked him what was next.

My grip on Julian’s hand tightened, and I forced myself to breathe. Julian is alive. His body is broken, but he was wearing his helmet when he was smashed into the boards. He’ll be himself.

Probably.

That in mind, I finally looked at Derek.

Sympathetic dark eyes met mine. I throttled the sob rising in my throat.

Because the Prince Healer Derek Veratos, the highest ranking healer in the Empire since his mentor had retired, was telling me that Julian wasn’t okay. Not really.

“How-” I swallowed, and tried again

“How bad is it, really?” He sighed, running a hand through his hair and using the crystals in his watch to project a replay of the game footage, before he replayed it showing Julian’s skeleton.

“Thessalos wasn’t trying to hurt him, he crashed after his magic suppression amulet backfired, but he still sent Julian into the boards hard enough to crack his pelvis and snap his spinal cord. I could fix that kind of damage, normally.” Derek’s expression darkened before he continued

“I spoke to a colleague at Princess Alice-Sarah Memorial. Magic injuries are different, and this counts because his magic suppression amulet was broken. He would have tried to use his magic to avoid Julian- which enhanced the hit and left an impression that means it can’t be healed normally.”

I noticed, finally, that Julian’s fingers were white. I was cutting off his circulation. Consciously, jaw clenched, I uncurled my fingers from his hand one by one.

I couldn’t think about this as someone who was in love with Julian. I counted breaths, three of them, before I asked

“He’s not coming back from this, is he?” Derek’s lips tightened, before he sighed and admitted

“There are treatments that can be tried, but he’s likely two or three years away from that. He’s going to need a lot of care, Luc. Medical magic has come a long way since it awoke, but we still have to do a lot of hands on care. He’ll need to be diapered, at least until he’s recovered enough to be mobile, and then he needs physical therapy to keep him roughly in shape in the hopes a treatment to address the damage can be found. His family will be recommended to oversee his care in a private facility, but I took the liberty of asking Destiny about it.”

That… gave me pause. Derek is the ranking healer in the Veratos Empire, yes. His eldest sister Destiny, despite being adept at the healing arts, is serving the city of Grey Haven (which was once San Francisco) as ruling its’ Princess. If Derek had consulted Destiny, instead of their sister Divinity, who is training as a neuropath healer, then he’d been asking about logistics. And probably attempting to trip Des’s foresight.

“What’d she say?” He swallowed, nervously.

“There is no real room for him, at the Haven. She can recommend live in nurses, set a teleportation schedule, add him to the regular rotation, but in the end, they don’t have the space or personnel to make him a priority. Not the way you need.”

I stared at Julian’s face again. I needed him to be okay. I needed a plan to bully him into because I didn’t need Destiny’s foresight to tell me what would happen to him if he went ‘home’ to his parents.

I needed to talk to my Aunt. I got up and ordered

“Take care of him. I need to go talk to Her.” Derek nodded, but I didn’t really see him.

-

As much as I wanted to barge into my Aunt’s chambers and beg her for help, that wasn’t how it worked. Not even for beloved nephews. I bathed, changed into the mode of formal dress most common for athletes- a breathable suit, comfortably sleek boots, expensive watch- and made sure I draped the cloak she’d given me for my Captaincy over my right shoulder. My suit was all soft black, the better to set off the champagne silk embroidered with my teams mascot- the Grand Constantinople war hawk. My hair had been combed, my clothes were good, but I was still nervous.

I was more nervous when I realized another hockey player was waiting in the ante room to my Aunt’s throne room.

Boston’s Rian, Ethan Hyde, looked like a splendid bastard in a shiny black suit and a black cloak embroidered with the golden unicorn of Boston’s Unicorn Saints. He looked a little concerned when he saw me, which was maybe good? I thought he was here as Thessalos’ captain, until I remembered that Ethan is just an alternate.

We spoke, briefly, before my Aunt’s herald called me in.

I stepped through the door quickly. Yes, I’m the Captain of the local hockey team. Yes, I descend from the same- I think it was grandmother? But she’s still Shina, Empress of the Veratos Empire, and head of our house.

On this specific day, I walked into her throne room and realized she was wearing the maple crown. I had to bite back a curse. The maple crown is worn by the monarch for only the most important purposes. For family.

She knew.

She knew I was here to beg her to break whatever she had to to ensure Julians’ care.

I strode forward anyway. Her knowing only made it simpler.

“I need him cared for. How do I make it happen?”

Shina narrowed her eyes at me, before scooting out of her chair and gesturing for me to come with her. I went, a lump in my throat.

She led me to the map on the wall showing me her Empire. The map is pretty, but I know that’s not the point.

She gestured to my father’s territory and pointed out grimly

“He’s only getting older. Your mother’s magic only does so much. We need you on the east coast. It’s our only weakness, right now, since your uncle and cousins cover the west and the south.” I swallowed, the lump in my throat painful as I pointed out

“My father isn’t nearly old enough to hand off Grand Atlantis, and my mother would murder him if he tried to do that now.” Shina nodded and pointed to another spot, not far north of my fathers’ island. Sault Saint Marie had retained it’s name after the return of magic, but that wasn’t important.

That the locks had survived the centuries wasn’t the point.

No. What mattered was that my Aunt was asking me to hand over my Captaincy, my title as Prince of Grand Atlantis, any chance at something with someone who wasn’t Julian to assure his care.

I know the laws of the Empire. I know that once I wed the land and sea as my father did, I will be bound to it. I will be bound to they who are my consort- but not they to me. I could pledge to love and support Julian and the land we called home till the day I breathed my last- but he would never be beholden to the same.

I drew in a breath quickly and firmly. This wasn’t about me. Or if Julian could ever return my affection. This was about ensuring the person I loved most got the care he needed. I turned to my aunt and asked

“What do you need?”

-

The ceremony was quick. Considering I’m a hydrokinetic that ranks higher in power than my father- our strongest water mage since his mother- there was no need to sit the qualifying exam.

As I wasn’t after a leadership position, there was no need to have it ratified by the court.

I literally walked in, shed my beloved Captain’s cloak, repeated the words my Aunt asked me to say and shrugged on the heavy pirate’s coat modelled on the one my father had worn since before I was born. My parents had teleported in because my Aunt had notified them that I was taking a holdfast, not the one sided marriage they knew to be happening once they got here.

My father’s eyes were sad. He knew, I think, that I was sacrificing my own desires for someone who just- couldn’t fathom what it meant.

Not then. Not ever, given I couldn’t tell him what I had done to protect him.

The upshot of all this was, Julian was still sleeping when he was transferred to my new residence. Derek had kindly extended the sedation so that he could be transported without jostling him awake.

While I waited for him to wake, I fretted. I paced and checked paperwork and told everyone and there mother how to improve their performance and it wasn’t enough. He was sleeping off who knew what damage and I was okay.

I was okay.

Julian’s body had been broken and all I’d been able to do was watch. All I could do now was watch.

I swear to the gods, the first time he opened his eyes after the accident, I sobbed like a baby.

He fell back asleep, and when he finally awoke for good, he realized what was wrong. How he couldn’t feel a lot of his body.

I held him while he screamed and raged, and I prayed I’d made the right choice. That choosing a lifetime of Jules’ pain and eventual hatred would be worth the payoff. Because he would hate me, when he realized loving him had cost me everything I could have had with someone who returned my feelings.

But I didn’t want that ephemeral something with someone else. It hurt like hell that I wasn’t the person he wanted everything with, but I would make this choice as many times as it takes if it means he’s healthy.