Baby By My Side

                                   BABY BY MY SIDE   

         For weeks I’ve followed him, always just behind him, always

just out of my reach with our baby by my side. It is the baby he

does not know we have – born only a few weeks ago while he was

gone. I did not understand it when he said he must leave, for a

time, so many months ago, so many nights away.

      His name is Hector – a noble name – a hero’s name.

      Swimming through black swampy water I make my way

blindly into the jungle further and further. It is dark and I have

been rushing all day long, half running, determined,

persisting. Many days have passed.

    Earlier I had run into a group of aborigines who claimed to

have seen a traveler pass by only hours before. The description fit

Hector’s perfectly. Their direction sent me to a swamp and then

into a forest.

    The air around me is chilly, ominous. I stumble every few

steps from the thick undergrowth. Huge trees loom above me as I

weave in-between the dense trunks. I imagine the trees are alive,

inspecting. The vegetation is so thick and endless and seems like a

barricade. I can only cut through small patches with a knife the

aborigines gave me. Forest creatures peer at me, blinking in

wonder.  Their night eyes are fluorescent, amazed at my hurry. I

haven’t the time to pause in my journey. I must go on. I must

continue despite my weariness. I must go foreword. I do not sleep.

    Sometime later I reach the end of the forest and step out into

brightness. The morning is upon me. I am again determined,

hopeful, vibrant, alive. Hectors face is clear in my mind, so happy,

so serene. I drive on. The baby cries but I persuade it to be

quiet.                                           

    The going is easier in the clearing but after a few steps it

seems the ground beneath me starts revolving in the opposite

direction my travel – as if a gravity change has taken place. I feel

light footed and bound foreword running, covering the ground in

giant strides, making up for lost time. I barely notice the tiny

flowers growing about the countryside. I barely notice passing a

small stream, the water tinkling as it flows around rocks near the

water edge. I barely notice the sweet breeze caressing the grass,

buoyant, carefree. I am again racing, intent.

     Suddenly I slow down feeling the hot sun overhead. The sky

is white. I know I need cool air. I  know I need a drink. I know I

need a rest.

    The terrain slopes upward and I find myself nearly

climbing. My legs are heavy. The ground is rocky and jagged and

my feet slip. I gasp for air. A hilltop is just a little further on. I have

to push myself to reach it, for Hector’s sake, the baby’s sake, for

our sake. I am desperate as I reach the top. Momentarily I am

blinded by the sun, dizzy from the struggle.

    When I reach the top of the hill I straighten my body up. I can

hear my heart beating within my  chest. Then I see what is before

me - an endless dust bowl. The sand is blowing, skipping across

the ground like a thrown rock bounces across the top of a pond. A

bird in the distance fly’s soundlessly away from the me. Soon it is

so far away I cannot see it anymore. I wonder if it knows where it is

going. I wonder if it has a home. I wonder if it is lost in the desert,

so huge, so overwhelming.   Then I see something that jerks me to

my senses.

 At the bottom of the hill lies Hector’s traveling hat. 

I scramble down the hill, rushing to get it. In my confusion I trip

and fall. Sand gets in my face and in my hair and on my clothes as I

finally slide to a stop. I am too weak to move but I see the hat a few

inches from my out stretched hand. The baby cries just as I drop

into unconsciousness.

      Much later I wake up. The first thing I notice is a low sucking

sound coming from inside my inner ears. At first the sucking sound

is barely audible but slowly it gets louder. Then a low moaning

noise surfaces from somewhere deep within the recesses of my

mind. With a sudden snap both sounds come to an abrupt stop and

I seem to be lifted out of my strange slumber.

     When I open my eyes I find I am no longer in the desert

where I fell, but in semidarkness. Then I notice that there is no

wind, no movement of any kind. The silence around me is eerie.

Pulling myself up I feel thin and know that I have aged. It seems a

long time has passed since my fall down the sandy hill, possibly

years. When I look around I see that I am on a flat piece of granite

looming in outer space. 

    At first the sky is empty and dark except for a moon that is

apparently illuminated by a sun that is out of my view. I look over

to the edge of the granite. Below lurks unending space. I am

trapped in a surreal world.

    I again glance toward the dark sky and see stars beginning to

form. At first I am confused and thought my eyes were adjusting to

the darkness. It occurred to me that the stars were forming at that

very moment in time. They were in groups. Some were elliptical

and some were spirally shaped. Each group had smaller cluster

within them and each group belonged to another larger

group. They were all expanding outward.

  Then I remembered that it took light years for projections of

such occurrences to reach other galaxies. Had the formations

actually taken place eons prior to this time reality to be able to

reach the point at which I was now standing? Was I looking down

upon an entire universe? It seemed impossible and

incomprehensibly vast. Was I witnessing the beginning of all

creation? Could I, a mere human being, be allowed to experience

such an incident? Was I suspended outside of time, away from

reality? Had God put me here for a reason?

    When I turned around Hector was a few steps in front of me.

I tried not to gasp.

    I could tell there was something strange about him,

something different in the way he looked. He was wearing his usual

blue jeans and tee shirt attire. However, I could not bring myself to

welcome him as much as I had wanted to earlier.

   As he approached me I noticed his hair had thinned and his

smile was not what I remembered. Tiny lines around his eyes and

mouth that indicated that he had also aged. Even in the semi-

darkness I could tell his once brown eyes were blue and he carried

himself almost mechanically, a man taller than my Hector. I was

torn between pretending to know him and turning him away. It

seemed my worst fears were before me- a Hector I did not know, a

dream gone bad, a hope gone sour. I was confused and felt

paralyzed. I did not move or breathe in my fear of this stranger.

    “Where have you been, my dear?” He said, looking at me with

a sickenly fake smile, a degrading mimic. His voice was wrong,

unfamiliar. Someone else was in Hector’s body, some foreign being

trying to imitate the Hector I once loved, the father of my child.

    Then he reached toward me, seeming to want my

embrace.                                                                                                 

   I was speechless, unable to respond. When I did not

reciprocate his manner turned sinister. His fake smile

faded. Suddenly he lunged toward me like a madman, grabbing for

my neck, an evil spirit out of control.

    With all my strength I twisted him away, pushing down,

avoiding his blows. He stumbled backward, unsure, losing his

stride. For a second he balanced on the very edge of the granite

structure, horror in his eyes as he looked over the edge into

oblivion, his arms flagging. For an instant our eyes met as he

looked toward me. I wondered if he was really a demon in Hectors

body or the lover I once knew.

    Then he slipped down into the darkness and was gone. The

air was empty where he had stood.

    As if to bring me back to my senses the baby let out a low cry

and I pulled it to my breast.

 THE END