Justice Screams
Chapter Five from my unpublished manuscript “A Brilliantly Scathing Life”. Part One of the book features chapters alternating between characters adjusting to life with the wagon train and time before joining the wagon train. Leroy was thrown from a horse and killed in the first Chapter (see Trampled Dreams and Trampled Dreams Part 2 in my profile).This chapter is some of Leroy's backstory.
Shortly after Pappy passed away unexpectedly, Leroy decided the remaining Potter party members would be fine on their own. Their wagons were well supplied. It wasn't in his nature to be responsible for other people. Three ex-slaves and an unforgiving wife would hinder him too much. Let them grieve on their own time. He needed to reach San Francisco to escape the authorities he was sure were looking for him courtesy of his supposedly good friend, Rene, the Captain of the steamboat.
The following morning Leroy packed the horse and slipped away before anyone else was aware. He made it as far as the next town where he found a bank and arranged a transfer from old man Potter's bank account into his own.
He stopped at a saloon for a long-needed drink and was shocked when he spied Rene, his boss and mentor from the riverboat he'd spent nearly his whole life working on, coming out of an upstairs room still kissing the buxom barfly hanging onto him. Leroy seethed. This was the man who bastard bred his beautiful new bride before Leroy had his turn on the night of their wedding after placing the highest bid for her virginity in an impromptu playful auction. This was the man still expecting him to deliver luscious 'Lena back to his steamboat to fulfill his depraved fantasies. Why was Rene, the one-eyed monster, so far inland? Now what?
Leroy was about to hightail it out of there before Rene saw him but two official looking gentlemen were entering the door he needed to get out. He melded into shadows in the back wall as he heard Rene slapping the woman on her rump and saying, “Now you get dressed and meet me downstairs for a drink but first I'm meeting a couple of gents.” He tromped down the stairs.
“Bonjour, bonjour, Monsieurs. So good of you to meet me.” Shaking their hands. “I have what you need right here.” Patting the pocket of his long jacket. “Sit, sit. What will you have to drink?”
“Still a little early in the day for drinking, I'm afraid, let's get to business.” said the rougher looking fellow. “Heard you have some information about this guy.” He pulled out a rumpled copy of what Leroy was sure to be the wanted-poster of himself.
“Oui, oui. But what I meant was I could take care of what's on there. You see, I don't exactly know where he is right now but he is a friend of mine and he has something I would very much like to have returned to me. He won't return it as long as that little misunderstanding is out there.”
“That 'little misunderstanding' involves the death of a very prominent man's adolescent daughter. He is furious and demanding justice.” Rough Guy.
“But it was an accident. No one's fault. Very unfortunate. Tres tragique!”
“It needs to go to trial and be proven as such.” This from the one who looked like a lawyer. “What kind of proof do you have?”
“For one thing I saw what happened.” Rene countered.
“How come such a crucial fact never came out before?” Rough Guy. “What happened?”
“That's still for a court.” Lawyer.
“You gents look honest. What do you say we make a deal. Let's play a courtroom right here. You can ask me all the right questions. I tell all I know. You be the judge. If it sounds like my friend is in the clear I pay you the amount on the poster and you make sure her daddy's happy with the facts.” Rene reasoned.
The underpaid honest gents looked at each other and agreed. “Okay, tell all.”
“Don't you want some drinks before getting too far along? Barkeep, set us up. What do you want to know first?”
“Well, we have heard the story about her falling down steps and breaking her neck but some things don't make sense.” Rough Guy scratched his head.
“Like what?” Rene took a sip. Motioned for them to join in.
“This guy, Le-Roy Polter, was caught carrying a very disheveled, scantily clad, very dead young lady close to the side railing on your ship with no stairs nearby. How are those facts explained?” Still scratching Rough Guy questioned.
Rene gave a dramatic pause then offered, “Can only say what I witnessed first hand.”
“Which was...?” The other two in tandum urged him on.
“Well, as Captain of the vessel, I often attend parties my guests throw. This prominent gentleman, a Colonel, I believe, was throwing what you call a 'coming out' party for his fifteen-year-old. She was now declared to be the proper age for young gentlemen to start calling on her socially in hopes of winning her hand in marriage. And he indeed assembled a fine cast of suitable suitors. All very verile, very handsome and very, very eager. Some in cadet uniforms. You know how women can't resist a man in uniform.” He ran his hands along the front of his own kapitan chest and yanked down the bottom of the vest trying to camouflage the paunch growing there destoying what was once probably a fine physique.
“But of course, there were other mademoiselles there as well. All very tempting. Still she was the main attraction. As she deserved to be. Naturellemont, her father afforded her the most beautiful gown. One aptly showing off the decolletage, tres bon. So enticing, you remember, to excitable young men.” He actually put his hand on his throat, his eyelid a flutter. The creep was recalling the climatic moment as he 'accidentally' straggled the ingenue, her eyes undoubtedly full of the terror for which he hungered. She became his for eternity like others before her.
He collected himself and continued. “Do you need a refill?” He snapped his fingers toward the barkeep. “Now, these young men being so inexperienced themselves were quite clumsy on the dance floor. And added to the rocking of the vessel, there was the normal bumping back and forth and so on in the confined space with so many young bodies. It wasn't a ruckus at all, them just having a good time learning dance moves perhaps for the first time. But her gown was stepped upon and badly ripped. She was distraught but didn't want to miss out on the fun. Being such a child only the day before she thought nothing of wearing simpler apparel. She wore plenty of petticoats so she slipped out of the frock to keep it from being damaged more. I believe her father was aware of what happened. But by this time he was not paying as much attention to his precocious daughter as he was to the generously endowed female he had on his arm. A beautiful woman to be sure but not his wife. He'd hired one of our saloon sirens to sing for the party and what a capable set of lungs she possessed!” He cupped his hands far out from his chest for emphasis. “The Colonel was freely plying her with refreshment and helping himself to even more. He seemed intent on studying her ample cleavage. Wouldn't have minded such classwork myself, oui, Monseiurs?”
“Uh, feeling a might dry. May I have another?” the rough guy uh-ed.
“How about bringing a couple of bottles over, Barkeep,” Rene wanted a happy audience.
“All very interesting but how does she come up dead?” Lawyer being lawyer.
“Well, once the dress is off and Daddy's three-sheets to the wind lusting after the madam, the fine young suitors kept finding new ways to touch and explore. A kiss on a bare shoulder, a nibble on a tender earlobe, an innocent tickle here or there during a slow dance. All still very discreet. Some of the other young femme fatale were getting the same type of treatment. They seemed not to mind. Now it wasn't an orgy by any means or I would have put a stop to it. But these young people these days have no shame, no shame at all. Wouldn't you agree? Drink up, now, don't be shy about helping yourselves.
“By this time I think our little debutante had picked out her 'Mr. Right' or at least her 'Mr. Right Now'. She seduced him, as women, young or old, are prone to do 'cause its not their fault the good, Good Lord made them so irresistible; so, yes, she convinced him to follow her out to gaze at the stars. Her attire was reduced to a bustier and a lacy petticoat atop pantaloons. I liked what I could see and I am sure the young man was thrilled and very excited. Well, I don't know how much more she lost under the stars, but at some point she must have panicked and ran for Daddy. From the top deck there are steep narrow stairs, at times slippery due to the mist, and she had on high-heeled shoes she was probably not accustomed to...and so...the tragedy happened. Tres tragique, no?” the storyteller told a story.
“She's still not into your friend's arms.” Lawyer persisted.
“While the lovebirds were out, imitating the birds and the bees, let's presume, the party dispersed and everyone left. Those stairs are close by my cabin. So I actually saw her there first. Such a sad crumpled heap so soon after being so full of life and gaiety.” He took a huge sad sigh. “Le-Roy was coming toward me and I often ask him to help out. Looking back I guess she never should have been moved until authorities arrived but we weren't at shore and for her father's sake I wanted to handle it discreetly seeing how she was dressed, or should I say wasn't dressed. I asked Le-Roy to carry her to her father's cabin. He did throw his jacket around her for the sake of propriety. Maybe forgotten? Alas, no one was there at the stateroom. Le-Roy knew where the woman her father took a great interest in was chambered so he was carrying her on a short cut toward the passageway when discovered. Remember the Colonel was coming from there.”
“Why didn't you speak out before?” Rough Guy being rough guy.
“Didn't know it'd gotten so serious for him. Thought it was understood it was an accident.” Rene lamented.
“Why didn't the boy speak out?” Rough Guy persisted.
“Oh, come on, a young boy, probably a cadet, messing with a Colonel's daughter! Scared half out of his wits, I'm sure! Would you have confessed anything? His future would be ruined! I couldn't recognize him again. He looked like all the others. It wasn't his fault she fell. They were only having a little fun. You guys ever have fun?”
And as if given her cue Miss Buxom Barfly made a grand entrance descending the stairway in her Barfly Best Fashion which consisted mostly of decolletage with ample pushed up cleavage and a dose of properly gartered net stocking thigh thrown in.
“Aah, Mon Cherie, won't you join us. Another glass, s'il vous plait. Here sit on my lap. You look delectable. Don't you gentlemen agree?” Rene kissed the back of her hand then trailed the kisses right to her neck, tilted her back on his arm, cradled her jawline with his other hand and took a sloppy open-mouth kiss.
“Oui, oui!” they managed with their dropped jaws.
“Mm, mm! Now where were we?” He smoothed her opposite shoulder as he pulled her toward him making sure they could get a full view down her bustier. “How do you see it, Judges? All in the clear? Nicely rounded out?”
He fumbled trying to get to a pocket so picked her off his lap and landed her on Rough Guy's knee. “Oopsie, here you take the pleasure while I get something out of my pocket.”
He pulled a fat packet out of his jacket while tipsy Rough Guy tried to keep from dropping her and accidentally grabbed a handful of nicely rounded out, soft, firm flesh.
“Ooh! I see what you are thinking and I think I like it.” She clasped the sides of his face and burrowed it into her cleavage. “You like see this?”
“Uh,uh. Clearly. May I have another?” Rough Guy uh-ed some more.
“Before you get too far gone in there did I hear you say you clearly see? Gotta sign this paper saying so.” Rene slid the paper under Lawyer's hand.
Droopy-eyed Lawyer answered for them, “Yeah, yeah we see it your way. We'll get charges dropped.” He held out his hand to accept the packet after signing the pardon. He was already cozying up to Barfly from the other side and his a hand was running along her netted stocking thigh.
“Don't forget to have a little fun.” Rene threw some money to the barkeep and exited the door.
Well, don't that beat all! Leroy breathed a sigh of relief from the shadows. Couldn't believe no one noticed him! Couldn't believe Rene really may have gotten the charges dropped! But he kept his vigil as the two drunks hungered after Miss Buxom stumbling up the stairs and disappearing into her room. Still if Rene was somewhere outside it was too soon to slip out. He knew Rene expected a certain favor from him he wasn't gonna be able to fulfill. Rene was still expecting Leroy to deliver the temptress 'Lena to himself for his unfulfilled pleasure. Yet Leroy probably needed the signed document Rene had. Could he risk it? He searched around 'til he found the back entrance and was gone.
He didn't get far. “This the horse you rode in on, Son?” Rene sneered.
“Yeah, it is, and you are exactly the person I wanted to see. I believe you have a document I need. You should go into acting. Quite the show you put on in there. Merci beau coup, now hand it over.”
“Think it's all so easy, huh? We have a little unfinished business if you recall. I take care of the charges, you bring me candy. I don't see my candy.” Rene licked his lips and twirled the end of his mustache.
“Looks like you helped yourself to a big dose of sweetness from Miss Buxom Barfly. Take her back to your boat. She's more than willing.” Leroy reached for Charger's reins. Rene yanked them out of his reach.
“As tasty as she is, she won't be good enough. Guess I'll have to ride along with you and help myself to your sugar stash. But I'll ride the horse and you can walk. By the way, how's the old man? You refuse, I'll fix you as easily as I did him and those two saps inside.” His hand was in a pocket with a pointy object angled toward Leroy. “You'll never know when...” He put his high-heeled boot into the stirrup but Charger, distressed by this time, reared and, living up to his name, charged down the street with Rene dragged flopping and flipping along beside and under and under and beside; ending and unending...
Leroy chased after him but how do you stop a runaway horse? Townspeople witnessed what was happening. The sheriff jumped onto his horse, caught and reined in the rampant horse. The doctor declared the bloody remains beyond mortal help. The mortician accepted cash from Rene's pocket and promised to do him up fine.
Leroy cleared all the details with the sheriff and suggested the two men at the saloon have their stomachs pumped. The sheriff recorded the pardon and gave Leroy the rest of the contents of Rene's pockets including a small weapon. Leroy asked the riverboat company be notified and left some more of the cash for the task. He rode away.
Alone, out of earshot he shouted to the hushed universe, “I'm free!”.
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27 comments
This is first time I have read any part of your book. In fact, first time I have read. I like your style, the pace, your descriptions are raucous, it has an edgy feel. It makes for a good read.
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Thanks.happy you liked it.
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I enjoyed reading "Justice Screams" from your manuscript "A Brilliantly Scathing Life." It’s a fascinating chapter that gives a lot of depth to Leroy’s backstory. You've got a great cast here. Leroy’s complex nature, Rene’s sleazy manipulations, and the other characters all add to the richness of the story. The dialogue feels authentic and helps drive the plot. It’s engaging and fits the time period. You’ve painted vivid scenes in the saloon. I could almost smell the whiskey and feel the tension in the air. You keep the suspense high throug...
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Thank you so much for commenting on this one. I have been so wrapped up in Reedsy I have not been focusing enough on this manuscript. I need to follow through with getting it into the right hands to get it published. I have gotten a few rejections so am wondering if it good enough. Thanks for the encouragement.
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I do teach a creative writing class. I really could help you with a few criticisms if you would like. I could post on here or if you have an email you wouldn't mind sharing. What I have read is really good. Don't get discouraged.
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Thanks. I keep saying I need to take a break from Reedsy as others do to focus on the book. I spend a lot of time reading other people's work which is wonderful and interesting. I make only brief comments because I don't think I have the critique gift. I tried the circle for a while but felt I was short changing the writers. I will consider sharing my email.
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Hi Mary, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy! What an interesting fella. I loved one specific line right at the beginning because it was so very telling of his character. Let them grieve on their own time. I think it’s interesting when someone wants to actively turn away from their loved ones during a hard time. And grief seems like one of those times so the fact that he’ll just bounce out of town is so very telling. Nice job on this chapter, it sets you up well for the next one.
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Thanks for the positive feedback.
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First, it's nice seeing something from Leroy's POV, as we only had other people's opinions of him - and those opinions were shabby. Well, he might well still be a shabby person, but perhaps he was partly trying to protect his wife too, from Rene. The "court" is amusing, particularly in how corrupt it is. He presents a plausible scenario and definitely-not-a-bribe, and things just kind of progress. So Rene's sudden death is a bit of a shock, though incredibly lucky for Leroy, especially since he already has the signed paper. Incredible luc...
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Thanks for the feedback. I had the premise of a young female suddenly thrust in the position of leadership in an unlikely time and place and the rest flowed forth good or bad.
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Clarity? Yes Can I step into this chapter and have never had read the Mormon wagon train? Yes. Did you overcome the hateful problem of the novelist in the SS section (whereas theme/character are different time speeds, etc, etc)? Actually, I think so. What worked? Narration voice What was fuzzy? The constant use of adjectives to describe characters (as their names) seemed... like the story was emotionally distant (pure comical for no thematic value) after a time. Maybe after...10 uses. "buxom, lawyer, rough guy, ...charger, etc). Did ...
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Thank you for this in-depth look. I appreciate all your insight. I honestly didn't know we shouldn't take excerpts from novels. I am usually a rule follower and don't remember seeing that mentioned. I looked again and still didn't. Maybe only assumed? I saw others doing it so gave it a try. Sorry. Maybe I'll concentrate on getting the novel out and not do these SS's. Not that good at them anyway. I did wonder if I needed to explain more about 'Lena. Maybe he wanted her to be his Cajun queen on his steamboat 'Cajun Queen'? I added more ba...
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Pardon to sound so rough. It is totally understandable that the internet is full of novelist that don't/can't do a 5:1 ratio of reads:feedback. It would be a full time job. People bring novel excerpts all the time. Often/usually they lose the audience because: -how can we tell if you have changed our lives with a novel if we are only seeing part of it? -the theme and characters are completely spaced different in a novel. The goals are different. -maybe like sprinting and 2 Mile runners.... Different crowds though both runners. You are ...
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Once again thank you for your time. And thanks for the vote of confidence on a podcast.
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Another terrific (and bawdy) episode! This is all going to make a fascinating novel!
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Thanks! Means a lot coming from a writer like you. Tweaking then want to try getting it to a publisher. Think this is about as bawdy as I got. Well, maybe?
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Thoroughly enjoyed this Mary! Any chance there is somewhere to read the whole book? I am invested in these characters now. :)
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Thanks for the vote of confidence. Other than the excerpts I have up on Reedsy I have not created another link to the book. Still tweaking then will try a publisher.
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Mary, such a dialogue story is difficult to do. Kudos. Well done. Development through dialogue is the hit this week. You are on point with your story. Applying something already written to a prompt is definitely demonstrating talent. Thanks for the good read, Mary. LF6
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🙏 thanks so much, Lily.
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An Authoress Rolade Berthier has also applied stories from her memoirs into Reedsy. It isn't easy to do. This comment is made by someone before. It's true! Well done. Love westerns.
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Rene's character is definitely shown through dialogue, but we don't really get a sense of him as a person in ths chapter. However, in term sof this being a small part of a larger work, I think that's perfectly fine! Very captivating and a really promising manuscript.
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Thanks for taking another look.
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Why, thank you, M.G. Since you are one of the first ones reading it, mind if I ask you a question? Do I need to describe Rene more in this chapter. He was introduced in a previous chapter as extremely devious but may not sound so much in this chapter. Believe me he deserved his demise!
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Thanks. Think I will try to fit more in. As far as being smart about making a story fit a prompt I didn't have to do much to this one. I had originally ended "He rode away a free man." I just needed him to say it to fit the prompt. I also fill in a bit more connection at the beginning. I found this week prompts challenging for me and wanted to do something more but it wasn't happening. I took the easier way out, I'm afraid:)
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