Why Me?

I’m quite sure that many adults have heard of Men In Black or at least the three movies. In popular culture and UFO conspiracy theories, men in black are supposed to be men dressed in black suits who claim to be quasi-government agents who harass, threaten or assassinate UFO witnesses to keep them quiet about what they have seen. It is sometimes implied that they may be aliens themselves. The term is also frequently used to describe mysterious men working for unknown organizations, as well as various branches of government allegedly designed to protect secrets or perform other strange activities. The term is generic, used for any unusual, threatening or strangely behaved individual whose appearance on the scene can be linked in some fashion with a UFO sighting. Several alleged encounters with the men in black have been reported by UFO researchers and enthusiasts.

Collectively, the businesspersons, politicians or government officials who make important decisions behind the scenes but who are unseen and unknown by the public. It's easy to get disillusioned as a voter when you know most decisions get made by the men in “Gray Suits”. Those who wear gray suits are people working in politics, law, etc. who have power but are not known to the public.

I decided to take the job as Kayne West’s Campaign Manager for the 2020 Presidential race. Comedian Dave Chappelle signed a sworn statement under marijuana duress he would be Kanye’s running mate. In truth Dave was Kanye second choice. He would have preferred Snoop Dog. Snoop declined because he was being brain washed and misled by the marijuana salad maker Martha Stewart in and out of her herbal garden if you get my drag from the chronic.

Presidential Candidate Kanye West had missed the filing date for independent candidates in many key states including Indiana, North Carolina, Texas and New Mexico (June 25th), per the candidate website Ballotpedia.

Nevertheless key battleground state deadlines, however daunting, are still ahead, including Michigan (filing date July 16th), Maine (July 25th), New York (July 30th), Pennsylvania (Aug. 3rd), Wisconsin (Aug. 4th ) and Arizona (Sept. 4th).  

I knew we were fighting an uphill battle with only 61 days left to the November election. I was so confident in my ability to get him elected. I would of campaign managed for Dick Gregory aka Richard Clayton Gregory an American comedian, civil rights and vegetarian activist and conspiracy theorist. He spent the last decade of his life speaking regularly about numerous conspiracy theories. Who ran for the presidency in 1968 or Shirley Anita Chisholm who was an American politician, educator and author?  In 1968, she became the first black woman elected to the United States Congress and she represented New York's 12th congressional district for seven terms from 1969 to 1983. In the 1972 United States presidential election, she became the first black candidate for a major party's nomination for President of the United States and the first woman to run for the Democratic Party's presidential nomination or Former U.S. attorney general William Wirt who was America’s first third party presidential candidate to run under the banner of the Anti-Masonic Party in 1832 or Victoria Woodhull who in 1872, Victoria Woodhull became the first woman to vie for the presidency, when she ran as the Equal Rights Party nominee against Ulysses S. Grant or Horace Eugene V. Debs Socialist icon Eugene V. Debs ran for president five times during the early 20th century, but it was his final bid in 1920 that proved to be the most surprising. Just two years earlier, the pacifist labor leader had been charged with sedition, stripped of his citizenship and sentenced to 10 years in prison for giving a speech calling for resistance to the World War I draft. Debs received the Socialist Party nomination despite the charges and proceeded to campaign from the Atlanta Federal Penitentiary under a variety of slogans including “From the Jailhouse to the White House.” Though restricted to just one public statement per week, he netted over 900,000 votes in the general election, finishing a respectable third behind Republican Warren G. Harding and Democrat James M. Cox. President Harding would later commute Debs’ prison sentence and set him free in 1921, but his U.S. citizenship was not restored until 1976 some 50 years after his death.

I would have gotten all of them elected president of the United States had they agreed to pay me 2.5 million dollars in cash and a record deal, that Presidential Candidate for President Kayne “Totally Insane” West agreed to pay me.  

Now I would have turned down presidential candidates William Dudley Pelley because in 1936, as the Nazis tightened their grip on Germany, a fringe religious mystic and Adolf Hitler acolyte Pelley launched an unlikely bid for the American presidency. Pelley made his White House run on the upstart Christian Party ticket, campaigning against Roosevelt’s New Deal and arguing that, “the time has come for an American Hitler and a pogrom (an organized massacre of a particular ethnic group, in particular that of Jewish people in Russia or eastern Europe).” Despite giving numerous speeches, he only succeeded in getting on the ballot in the state of Washington, where he received fewer than 2,000 votes or Kansas-born Earl Browder who ran as the Communist Party’s presidential candidate in both the 1936 and 1940 elections and once appeared on the cover of Time Magazine as the face of American Marxism.

They haven’t printed enough money in the world for me to campaign for the two of them.

We arrived in Maine around 3am July 25, 2020.

Kayne had forgot to take his 300mg trazodone pills and was talking about The Poor People’s Campaign: A National Call for Moral Revival is uniting people across Maine to challenge the evils of systemic racism, poverty, the war economy, ecological devastation and the nation’s distorted morality of religious nationalism.

I asked our press secretary to hand him the coffee I had gladly spiked. In minutes he retired to his suite bedroom at the Dragonfly Guess House.

I had gone out for a walk to smoke a much needed fat joint when I was suddenly approached by two large men wearing gray suits. One grabbed me by the arm while the other insisted upon putting hand cuffs on me. The one on the right boldly stated that I was being arrested for treason. Supporting, helping, aiding, backing, encouraging and abetting in getting elected a first class nut into the Oval Office of the White House.

If it wasn’t for me having a black belt in taekwondo I truly believe I wouldn’t be writing you this updated fable from the depths of my mind like Aesop.