Though It Breaks Our Hearts, We Grow Strong

“Are you sure about this, your highness?”

Princess Rosalyn kept staring out the window, chewing her lip as she thought the plan over. “No,” she said at last with a sigh. “But I can’t see that there’s any alternative. We have to do it. Don’t we?”

“I’m sorry, your Highness, but for this the final decision has to be yours.”

“No, of course not. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be putting you in this position.”

“I live to serve, your Highness. And it is a privilege to do so.”

Despite the knot of anxiety in her chest Princess Rosalyn smiled at that. Hugging herself she turned away from the window to look at her advisor, and friend. “Thank you, Cole. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”

“There’s no need for that, your Highness.” He smiled at her as well, but just like her the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Neither of them liked what they were planning, but neither of them had thought up any other solution. If she was honest with herself, Rosalyn had stopped trying to think of any other way out weeks ago. It took all her energy to steel herself for this.

“I mean it, Cole. I don’t know where I’d be without you, even before all of this. I owe you so much, and–” Her words were cut off by a coughing fit. She scrambled for a handkerchief as she bent double.

“Your Highness!” Cole was at her side in an instant, as ever, arms around her shoulders to hold her as the coughs racked her body. When she stopped and pulled the handkerchief away, it was covered in blood, far worse than last time. “It’s getting worse isn’t it?” Cole asked softly.

“Yes. But I can last until tomorrow. We stick with the plan.”

“Are you sure? I can try and move it forward–”

“No. I don’t want to upset Ffion. We go tomorrow, as planned. I’ll be fine.”

Cole nodded, and being so close to him Rosalyn saw that there wasn’t the same worry in his eyes as was in his voice. That was only fair though; he was in charge of most of the plan, and if he got any of it wrong his life was at stake. He needed to be focused on the details, not the emotions. She was safe from execution, but it would’ve been pointless anyway. She only had a few weeks left.

The thought sapped the last of her energy, and she sunk into Cole’s shoulder. “I have to do this,” she whispered, more to herself than to him. “It’s the only way.”

“I know, Rosalyn. It’ll be all right, I swear.”

The use of her first name made her smile. She wished he’d use it more when it was just the two of them, though she understood his fear about slipping up in public. With the safety of a title it was too easy for her to forget how much etiquette still meant to her parents.

“Thank you, Cole.” She allowed herself one last squeeze against his shoulder before she stood upright and pulled away. As close as they were, and always had been, no one would accept it as just that if they were seen hugged. Not since the death of her husband all those months ago. “I should go and find Ffion, and get her things ready.”

“Will she be all right to go like this?”

“No, I doubt. I just hope she can understand one day. Besides, it’s not like she can never come back. One day she can come and visit.”

“In theory yes, your Highness. But travel between the Magus Orbis and the Patet Orbis is difficult for everyone. I’ve spent a lot of years researching this, and a lot of resources to make it possible. And that’s with the help of magic. I… I don’t know that you would be able to come back.”

Princess Rosalyn rolled her shoulders back and stood tall. “Then I’ll have to have faith. One day my daughter will come back to the world that is her home. But for now we must leave, before it kills me.”

This time the smile was only in Cole’s eyes, but Rosalyn was too busy holding back another coughing fit to think about it. He bowed deeply. “Yes, your Highness.”

---

“Mama, where are we going?” Though she was running as fast as she could, Ffion’s tiny legs couldn’t keep up with the nervous energy driving her mother on. As she stumbled for the twelfth time Rosalyn shuffled the bag higher onto her back and crouched to look her daughter in the eyes.

“We’re going on an adventure. We’re going to go somewhere new, and do all sorts of wonderful things.”

“When will we come home?”

Guilt stabbed Rosalyn in the heart. All of the wonders of the Magus Orbis were her daughters to see, and one day rule. Was it really right to drag her away from all of that? Would she be happier left here?

“I don’t know,” Rosalyn said. “But it’s really important that mummy goes. You know how mummy’s been sick, ever since daddy left?” Died, but she still couldn’t bare to use that word so freely. Ffion nodded, for once thankfully not asking if he was really gone for good. “Well, I have to leave this place. I have to go and find a new home.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s this place that’s making me sick. All the magic in the air is hurting me, and I won’t get better until I leave.” Some twisted plot from one of the other powers in the court, but Rosalyn couldn’t fight this one. Cole had looked, but turned up nothing. But he would keep looking when she and Ffion were gone, and if he could fix her he’d bring them back.

Until then she had to try and protect her child without any magic. That thought alone had kept her up every night, more so than fear over what they would find in the Patet Orbis. She had no framework for what a world without magic would be like; she had no idea where to start with the nightmares that awaited them.

“So if we leave you’ll get better again?” Ffion asked. She was chewing at her hair again, but for once Rosalyn didn’t tell her off, just stroking her daughter’s head instead. Why did her eyes have to be so like her father’s?

“That’s right. I’ll be better again, and we can play games like we used to.” That brightened Ffion’s face, and Rosalyn prayed on the magic she was about to lose that it would be true. “Come on. Let’s go find Uncle Cole and go on our adventure.”

“But what about the party? Won’t Granny and Grandad be waiting for us?”

The occasional sound of the party drifted across the lawns to them, but the sounds just made Rosalyn sick. So many parties, and for what? The kingdom was a mess, she was dying and her daughter was about to become homeless. While no one else back there knew about two of those things, the third should’ve been more than enough to get them to stop drinking and dancing, just for once. The kingdom would be in a far better place if those in charge spent half as much time in the meeting rooms as they did on the dance-floor.

“It’s okay,” Rosalyn lied. “I’ve told them where we’re going. They understand.”

“Will… will I see them again?”

Make or break moment. Was she a worse mother if she lied, or if she told the truth?

“I don’t know. But I hope so, and either way, they love you very much, and they know you love them very much as well.” Not enough to have taken Rosalyn’s condition seriously, or maybe they were just hoping they could bypass their daughter and get someone more manageable as heir to the throne. But that would leave the kingdom without an heir for thirteen years, until little Ffion came of age.

And if there were going to be tensions over the succession, there was no way Rosalyn was leaving her daughter undefended in the middle of it. The monsters of the other world were a better choice than that.

“Come on then,” Rosalyn said. “Off on an adventure!”

Ffion wasn’t buying it as much any more, but she let her mother pick her up without issue. Though the weight of the bag and Ffion was making her tremble already, Rosalyn picked up the pace and jogged across the lawns to the wellspring.

Cole was already there, and the tightness in Rosalyn’s chest lessened. Tears welled in her eyes at the thought of losing her one true friend, but it was too late for regrets now.

Symbols danced and flashed in the air around him and the pool, and the tingling taste of magic was thick on the air.

“Is it ready?” Rosalyn asked.

Cole jumped at the sound of her voice, almost dropping his book. “Just about,” he said as he cleared his throat and straightened his robes. “Are… are you good to go?”

“Yes. I’ve got everything we’ll need, I hope.” Rosalyn’s voice caught as she spoke, and she couldn’t fight back the tears any longer. “I’m sorry–”

“It’s okay.” Cole was already by her side, hand cupping her cheek. If it weren’t for the fact that she’d never see him again she’d marvel at how forward he was being. But he knew this was goodbye as much as she did. “This is for the best. I know it might not feel like that just now, but I’m sure–”

Whatever he was sure of was cut off by a bout of Rosalyn’s coughing. It was far worse now, and soon she couldn’t see and couldn’t breathe.

“Ffi–” was all she could manage to say as she held her child out, terrified of dropping her.

“Mama!”

“I’ve got her, it’s all right, Rosalyn. Just take deep breaths, okay?”

Rosalyn tried to nod but that made the spinning of the world worse. There were noises in the air, or so she thought. Over the pounding of her heart in her ears it was hard to tell, but her daughter’s crying cut through all of that. I’m here, sweetheart. I’ll be okay. The words couldn’t come out though, and when she tried to reach up all she found was empty air.

A push on the small of her back sent her staggering forward and she splashed into the shallow edge of the pond. Each step lessened the strain on her breathing, and soon she was wading in hip high water, gulping down air again.

Then she heard the sounds again. It was chanting.

Rosalyn spun round, to see Cole standing on the bank, reciting the spell to open the gateway between the worlds.

But Ffion was still clutched to his side.

“Ffion! Come to mummy, come on!” The magic in the air was glimmering now and the water started churning. “Cole, wait! She’s not in, she’s not with me!”

Cole broke off his chanting, the power vibrating in the air as it waited for the final words to finish the spell. Sweat had beaded on his forehead from the strain and his face had already hollowed as the magic drained him. But it was his eyes that scared Rosalyn the most. They were hard and cold.

“She’s not going with you, Princess.”

Rosalyn’s blood ran colder than the water she was stood in. “What do you mean? Cole, what are you doing?”

“I’m making a place for myself in this world. With you gone I’m nothing, but with Ffion at my side I still matter.”

“Cole, don’t…”

“I’m sorry, Rosalyn. But I need her for insurance. Besides, your will lists me as her legal guardian. I’ll protect her until she comes of age, and then I’ll marry her and become king.”

Rage flared in Rosalyn, her only way to keep a grip on the panic gripping her. “In name only! She’ll have all the power!”

“I don’t care. I don’t want power, I just want safety.”

“You think it’ll be safe as her guardian? You’re not the only one who’ll want her as their own.”

“I can handle assassination attempts. Being your friend has given me a lot of practise at that. I don’t want to be arrested for some stupid infraction. I want immunity from all the petty formalities. And also, I don’t want her to die a stupid death, just because you can’t admit your time is up. She has safety and friends here. Why in the world would you take her to Patet Orbis? You’ll get her killed, and you know it!”

“I’m her mother!”

“So that let’s you choose when she dies? No, Rosalyn. I’m sorry, and I hope you do well, but this is for the best. Ffion stays here, where she belongs.”

“That’s not your choice.”

Cole raised his hand amongst the symbols around him. “It is now.”

“Ffion!”

“Mama!”

Cole said the last words. The water gaped open, and Rosalyn plummeted through to the other world. The last thing she heard from her homeland was her child screaming for her.

---

“Are you ready for this, your Highness?”

Princess Ffion crossed her arms and glared out the window. “You know this is stupid, right Cole? You’re family to me, like a damn brother. This is wrong, on so many levels.”

“I can assure you, I have never thought of you as family. And you knew full well that this would be coming one day, yet you still thought of me as your… ‘brother’. You only have yourself to blame, I’m afraid.”

“You say that as though a five year old would've know the difference,” Ffion spat back. There was a time when the sight of Cole had made any day brighter. In the last few years though the sight of him had turn the day sour, a problem made worse by the fact that he was everywhere that Ffion went. But long ago she’d cared for him, and that hurt the most. She sighed. “Do we have to do this today? Couldn’t it wait until next week?”

“Do you have any idea how much effort goes into organising a royal wedding?”

“We can just turn it into a birthday party. Just one day, to celebrate…” One day of being eighteen without being married to the man who had controlled her her whole life. That was all she’d wanted. “I won’t complain, I won’t fight. I just, you know… want a day to party.”

“Young and single?” Cole was already in his wedding finery, and Ffion had to admit that he scrubbed up well. She would’ve been proud to walk down the aisle with him giving her away. But not this.

“Something like that.”

“Well there’s no need for that. Everyone knows who you are anyway. It’s not as though you’d have a night of escapism. Now hurry up and get dressed. The ceremony starts in two hours.”

“Yes, Cole.” There was no point in fighting him. There never had been.

Two hours flew by, and before she knew it Ffion was at the alter, fighting back tears and waiting for her lines. Her hands kept stroking the silk of her dress. No, not her dress. Her mother’s dress, as had been. It was what her mother had worn when she married her father, and Ffion wished one of them could’ve been there. It had been so long since her father died and her mother left that she struggled to imagine them. When she did think of them all she could bring to mind were the paintings around the palace, dull and lifeless.

What little she could remember of her mother was nothing like that, and Ffion felt guilty that she had given into Cole’s wishes so easily. What else could she do though?

“And do you, Princess Ffion of the Kingdom of Primis, in the Magus Orbit, take this man to be your husband?”

Do or die.

Wed or fly.

“I–”

The ground shook and the air started ringing. The guests were on their feet in a panic, and the priest turned to Cole.

“It’s magic of some sort,” Cole said. Another shock wave sent him staggering. “It’s powerful as well, almost like–” The colour drained from his face and his eyes went wide.

“Like what?” Ffion screamed as chunks of the castle started falling down. “Like what!?”

The priest screamed as he fell over backwards. “It’s like someone’s tearing the world apart!”

Ffion went to scoff, but another look at Cole’s face sparked a memory. “No…” In all her wildest dreams, this had never happened.

“It isn’t,” Cole snapped, confirming everything Ffion was daring to hope. He tried to grab her, but she ducked away.

The earthquakes stopped, leaving nothing but after-tremors and a hall of moaning and crying people. Then there was a crack as the world was split open and a large metal box landed in the middle of the aisle. People fled from it and the long tube thing on its front.

A small dome in the top flipped open and a person came out.

A woman.

She stood tall on her box of death, which whirled its barrel to point at Cole. She stood tall and beautiful, even in her bizarre outfit of speckled trousers and sleeve-less top. Her hair was wild and just as Ffion remembered it in her dreams, dancing like petals, but her voice was hard as iron.

“Well, Cole?” she said, flinging her arms wide. “I made it back. I had faith.” She drew a strange short L-shaped device out of a sheath at her side and pointed it at Cole. “And now I want my daughter back.”