Two Left Feet

It was my freshman year in high school and right away there was two things or maybe three things I was awfully frighten of. First it was the seniors who appeared to be giants over me and second high school girls. Lastly and most importantly the annual Freshman Class Spring Dance. I had a lot of friends who were transferred to the same high school I was attending. My best friends being Dorky, Elaine and Unfortunate Ray. I don’t quite know how he got that name unfortunately, but it seemed to fit him.

I was nominated as the class president of the science club back in the 8^th grade. We even took second place at the Massachusetts Science & Engineering Fair (K5-8). You could call me a nerd or geek in which many of my fellow students also called me Young Sheldon of The Big Bang Theory. I was taking college courses as well. My mother made the school hold me back at least until I experienced one year of high school. She felt that I wasn’t ready to attend college on a full time basis at 11 years old. I had already received a full scholarship from MIT. The Massachusetts Institute of Technology is well known for its dedication to science and technology. In my opinion it has the best programs in engineering and the physical sciences in the world.

I must have been pushed and shoved at least 9 times before I got to my assigned locker. No sooner than I lifted the handle I heard a knocking sound coming from the locker next to mine. There wasn’t a combination lock on it, so I opened it. Inside was Unfortunate Ray. I was starting to understand how he got that name. The bell sounded as students rushed to their classrooms. I helped Unfortunate Ray out of the locker as we raced down the long hallway to our science class. Mr. Pennypacker had all of us freshman introduce ourselves. When it was my turn he told everyone that we sort of have a celebrity here. I looked around to see who he was referring to as two or three spit balls whizzed past my head. I’d like you all to give Albert Einstein Bennet a round of applauds. Only one person clapped and that was Unfortunate Ray. I was never so embarrassed in all my life. Unless you discount the time my brothers pushed over a porta potty down a steep incline with me in it. Mr. Pennypacker meant well, but it wasn’t the type of attention I needed on the first day of school. Right away I knew I would be a target for all the bullies in this school. To make matters worse Mr. Pennypacker kept asking me to solve every problem and formula he wrote on the chalk board. On my way out of the classroom someone had tried to put Unfortunate Ray inside of one of those desk. To my surprise he wasn’t even upset. If I didn’t know better I could truly believe that Unfortunate Ray enjoyed the attention.

When I stepped out of the classroom there was Dorky and Elaine waiting for me. They both complained that they weren’t liking this high school experience. I said come on guys give it a chance we’ve only been here for one class. The next thing I know is that two big football size players grabbed me from behind and took me to the boy’s restroom. Four of them struggled to ducked taped me upside down in the bathroom stall door from a hook on the door. I hung there until Elaine had the courage to come inside the boy’s bathroom and unhang me and untape me. What those bullies were about to find out is that Albert wasn’t going to stand being punked for an entire school year. I had been mentally and semi physically tortured by my 3 older brothers since I was five years old and they learned how devilish and vindictive I could and will get. During the entire summer break, I read tons of books on how to handle bullies. My favorite book titled: Bully Busters and Beyond. I would immediately go from victim to victor and from reactive to proactive and from suffering to succeeding. The past three years I had taken Marital Art classes. I received my black belt in Taekwondo three days before the start of the new school year. I was short for my age, but I was stocky and well built. I could bench press over 170 pounds.

We all made it up to lunch time without personal tragedy inflicted upon us. I told the three of them to follow me to the cafeteria. I walked up to one of the bullies who duct taped me upside down and without any hesitation quickly punched him right in his solar plexus. It was a direct blow to his diaphragm in which caused a lapse in his breathing. I knew he would be feeling as if a bolt of lightning was going through his muscular body. He stopped breathing for a few seconds as I say. If you or any of your goons ever bother me or my friends again I’ll do things to all of you that you only seen in one of the Grudge movie trilogies. The entire cafeteria of students stood up  and clapped as I headed for the food line. What the bully didn’t know is that two of my 6 foot 5 inch senior twin brothers were waiting in the wings if he happened to recover quickly and retaliate.

Word traveled around that school fast to leave the four of us geeks or losers alone. Unfortunate Ray looked disappointed to me. There were only a few minor hiccups up until the Christmas break. Elaine had started dating a junior who just wanted to take her virginity on a bet from one of the bullies. That weekend I invited her over my house to watch that movie MA.

Dorky was videoed after gym class wearing colorful Green Hornet briefs. The video slowly showed Dorky putting on his pants in the corner of the locker room wearing what looked like girl panties went viral on the internet. He never returned back to school ever. His mother thought it would be best that he home school until he graduated.

Unfortunate Ray got locked into the library over the weekend. What I found odd was that no one missed him but me and Elaine. The janitor let him out early Monday morning. Now there were only three of us to take on the entire high school.

During the break I thought it would be a good idea if I took dancing lessons. I knew that the Spring Dance was only a months away. Although it would be more than likely I would be attending stag.

I enrolled at The Dance Complex. The first thing Mrs. Butterworth said to me is that I have two left feet. I asked her what did that mean? There was no books I’ve ever read that would confirm anyone having two left feet. She looked down at me while laughing and said the meaning of one having two left feet. She had tears in her eyes now. Albert she says, your priceless. It means when someone says that you have two left feet it is to say that you are clumsy or awkward, especially in regard to one’s foot work while dancing or trying to dance. That idiom is usually used to refer to a person’s inability to dance well, Mr. Albert. I understood clearly what she was saying. She also stated that in a matter of weeks I’ll be dancing better than Fred Astaire. Whoever he is. I just wanted to learn how to dance better than Steve Urkel of Family Matters. Coming back to school from the Christmas break I had grown 3 inches. I now stood at 5 feet even. That was a far cry from my brother’s height, but I was catching up with the high school girls.

I got myself on the spring dance committee. As a stagehand. I had some pretty good ideas as to how I wanted this Spring Dance extravaganza and decorated gymnasium to look like a movie set from Hollywood. While being the leader of the crew I often quoted from Lawrence Welk: I have a tremendous desire to learn, and to grow, and to develop whatever I have that will make for any kind of improvement in me. I actually stole that line from Mrs. Butterworth while she was teaching me how to tango. I built a stage just like the one in Saturday Night Fever with the flash colorful light dance floor with a crystal ball hanging in the center of the gymnasium like the ones you see at times square on the beginning of a new year. The placed looked great and was almost completed. Now all I had to do is get a date. I had been turned down 22 times.

Then one day May Lansbury asked me if I would be kind enough to take her to the Spring Dance. In most cases I would need time to analyze, ponder, contemplate and brood over a new and daring situation. I immediately say yes, I would be honored to escort you to the dance. May was over 6 feet tall.  I said can I have your phone number so that we may talk and find out what we might wear that matched. I’m leaning toward wearing bright yellow with matching Florsheim Lexington shoes. May said call me as she put her number in my cell phone and walked away. I had a date I thought. Then my spider sensors when in alert mode and I got to thinking was this some kind of prank on behalf of the bullies. I had to talk to Elaine about such concerning matters. She would know since she got played by that Junior who we dismantled his car only leaving him with the body frame. Just as I suspected it was a set up. There would be hell to tell the captain now. When something went wrong and was unfixable, there would be Hell to tell the Captain, who had the power and privilege to maim or even kill you over mistakes or perceived lack of attention to details. Paul says in verse 19, “Leave it to the wrath of God.” Then the wrath of God is defined further as God’s vengeance, “Vengeance is mine.” So, wrath is connected with God’s response to something that deserves vengeance. I was livid!

I rigged a hidden microphone in the girl’s bathroom. I recorded all their silly deceitful comments on everyone in school, especially May Lansbury comments.

There was only a week left until the dance. The pickings were slim now.

At the assembly hall meeting I hooked up a speaker system. With almost everyone in attendance I started playing the bathroom gossip recordings. That was the last day any of the student body ever seen May and her gossiping crew. They all transferred to another school.

On my way home from school one day I bumped into an old friend of mine who moved into a new school district. She was in the area to visit her grand mother who lived three doors down from my home. I kiddingly asked her would she like to attend the Spring Dance with me. To my delight she said yes. I asked her did she have enough time to get a dress. Rosemary smiled at me and said that I been waiting two years to wear the yellow prom dress my mother made for me. Rosemary was a sophomore. The stage was set in two ways. I had a date and that gym looked great. Okay, that was kind of corny, but you still have to remember that I’m no ordinary geek! When I went to pick Rosemary up with my brother driving the family’s BMW. Wouldn’t you know it. Someone in Rosemary’s home who had just returned from China of all places had contracted something called the Coronavirus and her entire family were quarantine for 14 days. Why didn’t she tell me sooner I thought?  I got a call from Elaine and she said would it be a bother if I picked her up and let her piggyback with Rosemary and I too the Spring Dance.

I wasn’t a big believer in fate, but I had my brother zoom to her home before she changed her mind. When we got there Elaine was dressed in a yellow chiffon full length evening gown. I almost didn’t recognize her. She was stunning. While I opened the back door to allow her to get in. She whispered that she had something she needed to share with me. Nothing she could ever share with me could ever take away how I felt when she was seated. She said that she knew that Rosemary was on house arrest. It was all over the news. The family was placed in total isolation. No phones, no internet or any contact with the outside world. You had your head so far up in the clouds that you didn’t even know everyone was laughing at you behind your back. Why didn’t you ever think to asked me. I have been in love with you since the 3^rd grade you idiot. I was speechless as I handed her the yellow corsage. Dorky didn’t know how to tell you nor did I. It doesn’t matter now because I got me a real date and I’m going to show them all what a great couple we are and a great dancer I am.

It was like when the president of the United States enters a ball, except for the theme song “Hail to the Chief” wasn’t playing or that everyone was just to astonished to see how much our yellow attired matched. Every single boys and some girls there wanted to dance with Elaine, and no one asked me. Until the DJ played the Hit Crew Electric slide song. Boogie, woogie woogie! I stole the show. Mrs. Butterworth would have been proud of me for showing the world what two left feet could do on the dance floor.