Proclamation Parchments and Scandal Sheets

Not even Malory Tennyson knew what was in the wooden box in the back room of his Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies. And not even Sir Lancelot du Lac had been daring enough to open it. Lancelot had very unpleasant memories of the macabre contents of a very similar box he had cleared out from the vault in the Dolorous Tower after he defeated its evil overlord, who practiced the black arts.

But Psycho Motor Dabrowski, one of the five overexcitable Dabrowski Dog companions of Little Plump Jo, the current Artisan in Residence in Cloudbank Cabin, had no such qualms. A simple bounce on the lid had sprung the lock and revealed a great treasure within.

Jo considered that she had found a gold mine! The box contained rolls of parchment and slabs of birch bark. On these were letters and the mediaeval equivalents of newspapers. There were two news titles – Proclamation Parchments and Scandal Sheets.

Proclamation Parchments gave serious coverage of the news, including details of wars and rumours of wars, abductions and rescues, announcements and results of tournaments, announcements of births, deaths, betrothals, hand-fastings and marriages, and classified advertisements.

One issue contained an article welcoming Chrétien de Troyes as a recent addition to the editorial staff.

There were some sections which appeared to be place holders in case of late arriving news. These spaces read:

Lorem ipsum, Lorem ipsum, Lorem ipsum

Blah Blah Blah

Lorem ipsum, Lorem ipsum,

Rhubarb, Rhubarb

Blah Blah Blah

Scandal Sheets contained all the gossip and scandal of the court. This news source did not attempt to adhere to the truth and contained regular feature columns such as Ballads of the Bawdy Bards, What the Lady’s Maid Saw, and What’s Cooking in the Kitchens. It carefully avoided being sued for sedition or libel by the appendage of the statement to every article:

‘Long live His Majesty, King Arthur, Rightful King of All Britain and his gracious Sovereign Lady, Queen Guinevere, the truest wife to her husband!’

One issue of Proclamation Parchments brought news of a glorious victory for King Arthur on behalf of King Bagdemagus against Galehault, Lord of the Distant Isles, who had previously conquered thirty kingdoms.

An unknown knight fighting for King Bagdemagus had been the main instrument of the victory. There were speculations that the unknown knight was the handsome young man clad in silver armour, who had been presented to King Arthur by the Lady of the Lake. He was knighted by the king the following day and had immediately set off on quests.

In Scandal Sheets, the feature Ballads of the Bawdy Bards told another version of that story in which Galehault, Lord of the Distant Isles, fell in love with the unknown knight and surrendered to King Arthur at the request of that unknown knight.

In another issue of Scandal Sheets the column What the Lady’s Maid Saw hinted at a love affair between Sir Lancelot du Lac and Queen Guinevere, the wife of King Arthur Pendragon.

The article was titled “The Queen and the Heir to the throne of Benoic”

It read:

A palace insider tells us that Queen Guinevere, daughter of King Leodegrance of Cameliard, the beautiful young treaty bride of that silver fox, His Majesty King Arthur of Camelot, disputed King of All Britain, has been spending extended periods in the company of Sir Lancelot du Lac, the handsome young heir to the throne of Benoic, who is being treated in Camelot by the King’s Physician and by the Court Advisor, Merlin.

He is said to be suffering from black out episodes which are said to be the result of Wyrm Dragon poisoning. His condition has now been revised from serious to convalescent. We ask, do all visiting princes have the royal hand soothing their brow or have her fingers running through their curls?

And we ask, is this convalescence lasting rather longer than expected?

‘Long live His Majesty, King Arthur, Rightful King of All Britain and his gracious Sovereign Lady, Queen Guinevere, the truest wife to her husband!’

This article had apparently caused much consternation; as there were private letters between Merlin and Nimue relating to it. The concern was not about Queen Guinevere’s rumoured lack of fidelity to King Arthur. Scandal Sheets was known for creating salacious fictions and it would be counter productive to ask them to retract the story on that account.

What was disturbing was the linking of the name Sir Lancelot du Lac to the mystery of the lost heir to the throne of Benoic. Just as King Arthur had to draw the sword, Excalibur, from the stone to be declared Rightful King of All Britain (and even now some disputed his claim) there were various tests and tasks that Lancelot would have to perform in order to stake his claim to Benoic’s throne. As he had not done these things at that time, the announcement was not only premature but could make the process much more difficult and dangerous.

Some of the letters outlined the worries:

Merlin,

I am most alarmed by the article which appeared in Scandal Sheets. I am not so concerned about the suggestion of a love affair. That was bound to happen. And asking for a retraction would do more harm than good.

But have you mentioned Lancelot’s true parentage to anyone in Camelot? I thought we had agreed not to say anything until his identity was verified!

What should we do about it?

Nimue

Nimue,

How could you even think that I would do such a thing? I hid and protected Arthur and arranged for his recognition at the appropriate time. And I know exactly how to conceal the identity of the Benoic heir and recognize him when the time is right.

But the time is not right yet and it could put him in danger of seduction and assassination attempts.

As far as anyone knows, the young man in silver armour that you introduced to the court is your son and no one is calling him Lancelot. They call him The Red Knight, The Black Knight, The Knight of the Three Red Bands. Even the physicians at Camelot do not know his name. They call him Jenner Sapper because they misheard when he answered “Je ne sais pas” to the question of his name.

Could you perhaps have boasted to someone about ‘your son’ being the lost heir to the throne of Benoic?

Merlin

Oh, Merlin!

I am so sorry. Perhaps I did cause this. I wanted to ensure that some writers had the proper history from the start; so that they would be watching his career from the beginning. I told the full story – how I witnessed the sacking of Benoic by King Claudas and saw his men throw the infant prince into the lake. I told how I had saved him from drowning and taken him into my care. So the common belief is that the little prince drowned. But some people saw me carry him away through the mists on the lake. They said that I was a water fairy and took him to my kingdom under the lake. And everyone thought that was just another poetic way of saying that the baby drowned. But there have been rumours that the heir to the throne is still alive and will reclaim his kingdom.

I told Chrétien de Troyes, Walter Map and some undistinguished monks. But none of them write for Scandal Sheets. When Chrétien speaks of him he calls him the young man in silver armour.

Nimue.

Oh, Nimue, Nimue, Nimue!

Do you not realise that Scandal Sheets is a subsidiary of the same news group as Parchment Proclamations?

Merlin

Little Plump Jo knew she had struck gold!