So You Won’t Be Alone

“Alice, I’m popping on the kettle, you want a cuppa?” Rebecca called out to her friend.

Alice sighed as she sat on the kitchen table, rolling her eyes at her forgetful friend. “You know I can’t have tea anymore.”

“Right, right, the diabetes.” Rebecca said with a smirk.

“You should really throw that kettle away.” Alice told her as Rebecca mopped up the mess made by their leaky kettle.

“I should really do a lot of things.” Rebecca muttered as she chuckled humourlessly.

Once she had made her tea, Rebecca sat down with her friend and gave her a warm smile. Alice beamed fondly as she took in the kitchen she used to while away her days in. Each item brought up its own distinct memory such as the hole in the wall formed at an ill-fated party, the red wine stain in the carpet from when Sam had dumped her and they got wine drunk and of course the kettle they had both signed in case of fame.

“How was work?” Alice asked.

“Ooh, good that you asked actually, because I have some tea.” Rebecca began, eager to gossip. “So you know Ian?”

“Grey jogging bottoms Ian?”

“Uh-huh.” Rebecca continued, tying up her long brown hair as she spoke. “I think he fancies me. But like properly.”

“I knew it!” Alice exclaimed delightedly. “What happened?”

“So, he was just staring at me and casually mentions that he broke up with his girlfriend.” The brunette explained. “Then he was all like, oh your hair looks so nice, I really like your dress, and he kept bumping into me and waited for me after work. He wanted to walk me home and all.”

“Why didn’t you let him?” Alice asked in disbelief.

“Because I wanted to see you, duh.” Rebecca rolled her eyes as if it was such an obvious answer.

“You didn’t need to do that.” Alice murmured guiltily.

“I can see him whenever,” Said Rebecca with a causal shrug. “If I don’t see you today then I’ll have to wait a whole week and I will go mad if I have to go two whole weeks without seeing you.”

Alice shook her head and bit her lip as hard as she could, knowing that she wouldn’t feel the pain of it, but wishing that she would. Alice stood up and made her way to the mirror in the living room and examined herself.

Her short blue hair hung around her face like a shield in wavy tresses only Rebecca had ever been able to perfect. She used her hands to smooth down her tight red dress and laughed as she remembered how much she hated it when she had first tried it on in the store, only buying it at the behest of her friend. Her brown eyes shone with tears when Rebecca came to stand beside her, squeezing her hand tightly.

“I have always been jealous of your hair, you know?” Rebecca stood tall behind Alice and teased her friend’s blue locks to increase the volume.

“Me?” Alice said with a roll of her eyes. “My hair is so damaged.”

“I warned you about dying your hair.” Rebecca laughed so jovially that Alice almost felt like things hadn’t changed. “I’m telling you, wigs! All the joy of coloured hair with none of the damage. Hair today, gone tomorrow.”

“Bloody hell, Rebecca.” Alice said as she laughed in spite of the silly pun. “That was painfully bad.”

“You wish; I promise you, if I wanted to be a comedian I could be.” Rebecca added with a wide smirk. “It’s like they say, the natural trajectory of an HR Manager is a comedian.”

Alice looked at her friend in the mirror, but this only highlighted how much she had changed in the last week alone. Rebecca’s dark brown eyes were shrouded in pain, exemplified by the dark brown circles under her eyes that were substantially darker than her dark brown skin. Her nails had been painted a deep burgundy, but they were chipped and marred, making it clear it had been a while since she had gone to her favourite nail salon. But the worst part was the barrenness around her neck where her crescent moon necklace used to be.

“What now?” Rebecca asked with a sigh.

“I wish you kept your necklace.” Alice twiddle with the silver pendant that now hung around her neck, beside its counterpart star necklace.

“I like it better on you.” Rebecca said with a sigh.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes you are!” Alice snapped, startling the brunette who took a couple steps back.

“Why are you angry at me?” Rebecca asked in confusion. “I wanted you to have it, is that so bad?”

“No, no. No it’s not.” Alice sighed and ran her fingers through her blue locks.

“You’re gonna mess up your hair.” Rebecca murmured, causing Alice to shoot daggers at her.

“You cannot seriously be concerned about my hair right now.” Alice said in disbelief.

“Babe, if you spent as much time as I did on your hair, you’d be just as concerned.” Rebecca teased, causing Alice to reluctantly let out a laugh.

“Fine.”

Rebecca had known her friend for long enough to know when she was backing down to avoid a fight. Often times, Rebecca would ignore Alice’s signature strops, but she could tell that this had been weighing down on Alice for a while now.

“Out with it.” Rebecca muttered with a sigh.

“What?”

“The necklace.” Rebecca continued. “Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because I—”

“Becky!” Rebecca and Alice turned to see Rebecca’s new roommate Faye, standing in the doorway with a hair tong in her hair. “What are you doing?”

“Talking to Alice.” Rebecca replied nonchalantly. Faye gave her a sympathetic smile, but Rebecca barely even registered it. She had gotten used to paying no mind to the reactions of others around her in the past year. But Alice hadn’t. She cringed at the sight of the pitiful gaze Faye had on her face.

“Right.” Faye murmured quietly. “H—Hi Alice.”

“She says hi back.” Rebecca said quickly, earning a frown from Alice.

“I’m sure she does.” Faye continued with a false smile. “Is she—Is she gonna be here for much longer? Because we need to go to Roxie’s and get ready soon.”

“Oh crap yeah, I forgot.” Rebecca said as she turned to the clock. “Almost six o’clock, you’ll probably be gone by then, right?”

Alice remained mute and nodded her head. With Alice’s confirmation, Rebecca turned back to Faye with a grin. “Perfect. I’ll be with you soon, Faye.”

“Cool.” Faye headed out before pausing once more. “Um, bye Alice.”

“She says bye.”

As Faye walked out, Alice turned to Rebecca with an angered look. “I didn’t say anything.”

“I know you didn’t, you’re incredibly rude.” Rebecca replied, sticking her tongue out playfully, but Alice was a lot more focused on the gravity of their situation.

“I didn’t say anything because she can’t see me.” Alice snapped, causing Rebecca to roll her eyes flippantly. “You are so dismissive of me!”

“Because you’re upset about something that I can’t change!” Rebecca shot back. “Do you think I wish she couldn’t see you? Because I don’t! I wish she could see you! I wish everyone could see you! I wish…I wish you were here.”

There was a long silence as Rebecca let the dam that held back her emotions break. No tears, because Rebecca didn’t cry. But for the first time since Alice had died a year ago, she was mourning.

“This is why I didn’t want the necklace.” Alice said quietly. “Because I know you. And I know that you can’t let go.”

“Is that what you want?” Rebecca asked in a panic. “Am I keeping you away from peace or something? Because that’s not what I wanted.”

“No.” Alice said definitively. “But I think I’m keeping you from it. You have to let me go.”

“I can’t.” Rebecca choked out. “I have to take care of you. I’ve always taken care of you. I’m not just gonna give up on you because you’re…because you’re…”

“I’m already dead, Rebecca.” Alice told her. “There’s nothing to take care of anymore.”

“Fine, I don’t want to let go!” Rebecca snapped. “My whole life you’ve been with me, I can’t just let go of you now. I don’t want to.”

“Why did you give me the necklace?” Alice asked. “And before you run your mouth again, I want a real answer.”

Rebecca sighed before finally levelling with her best friend. “I wanted you to have a piece of me.”

“Rebecca…”

“You’re my sister.” Rebecca continued, her eyes glistening with tears that threatened to spill over. “The day we buried you was the worst day of my life. Because you looked so pretty. I had made you look so pretty like I always did. And I kept waiting for you to make a joke for how long I spent on your hair, or how insane it was that I was putting you in the ground in the sexiest dress that you own. But you didn’t. You just lay there. You were so cold. And I felt so alone. And I didn’t want you to feel like I did so I just took it off and I put it on you. And I felt so much better. Because I knew you would be okay.”

“And I am okay.” Alice took her friend’s hand and clutched it as tight as she could, unsure of the impact—if there was any. “But I’d feel a lot better if you were too.”

“If I let you go, will that be it?” Rebecca asked, unable to make eye contact any longer. “Will I see you again?”

“I don’t know.”

Rebecca sighed and cast her eyes to the clock. 17:59. “Time for you to go.”

Alice nodded and pulled in Rebecca for a hg with a bittersweet smile. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Rebecca felt her grip loosen as Alice faded away from her. She sighed and ran her hands through her hair before going to get ready for another gathering without Alice.

She talked, she laughed, she danced, but she was mostly just going through the motions before she could finally get home without alarming her friends any further. When she reached home at last, she got ready for bed before catching a glimmer from her bedside table.

She frowned before going to examine the foreign object, only to gasp in awe when she realised what it was. In her hands she now held Alice’s star necklace, one that she knew she had buried her friend in. Accompanied by a note, Rebecca read aloud with a smile forming on her face as she did.

“Now you won’t be alone too.”

Rebecca held the gift and the note to her chest, clutching it with all the love that she had in her. The thought that she might not see Alice again did occur. But for the first time since her best friend’s passing, Rebecca knew that Alice would be okay.

But more importantly, Rebecca knew that she would be okay too.