24 comments

Bedtime Contemporary Funny

Content warning: this story contains allergens!



"I've thought about it, and it's chocolate."

"Well that sounds good to me. Thought about what?"

"What you asked me earlier. Chocolate, it's a universal panacea."

"I didn't ask 'what?' is a universal panacea. I asked 'what is?' a universal panacea. It's all in the inflection and the emphasis."

"Oh, well you obviously inflected in the wrong place. That's so you. Nice pyjamas by the way. Are you comfy?"

"Yes, thanks. I could have slept on the air-bed, I didn't mind. I like your jimjams too, cute little bears. So what is it then?"

"I'm so glad you asked. It's the cure for all ills. Everything. Pain, sorrow, illness, World War III, the lot. I thought about it for a couple of hours and it's definitely chocolate."

"Erm, does the United Nations know about this? Or the World Health Organisation? Hmm, Hang on, Kim Jong, don't invade anyone today, have a bit of chocolate. Don't get your Covid 27 jab, have a bit of chocolate instead. Do you really think chocolate solves everything?"

"Well, it does for me. Remember when I scraped my first car? I cried for a week but KitKat got me through it. And when Dan left, it was M&M's."

"You sobbed and snorted in the bag. It was disgusting."

"I still ate them. It made me realise I loved M&M's more than I loved Dan. He tried to come back, but I was stronger then. And he brought flowers from a petrol station."

"Cheapskate! That's hardly universal though, is it? Just you, and… were they the peanut ones? I mean, does that even count as chocolate? And why is it universal, and not a world panacea? What works on Earth might not do much on Jupiter. Or Alpha Centauri. Or the Crab Nebula. Do you want that pillow? I could do with another. Ow, you didn't need to throw it."

"It's good though, you've got to admit it. If someone, or something, did turn up from Orion's Belt, you'd give them a Crunchie. They'd love it and not invade Earth, because they're full of peace and joy and Cadbury's. It's the pheromones."

"I think you mean endorphins. What if it's Hersheys? Or Nestle? Ooh, or Belgian chocolate, like those little seahorses and seashells with praline in the middle?"

"Now you're just being pedantic. Mind you, I'd invade Earth for Belgian chocolate seashells with praline, or those hazelnut noisettes. What time do you have to go in the morning?"

"My train is at nine so set the alarm for seven, would you, please. Sorry that's early, but I'll have time for Coco-Pops before I go. Get my endorphins going. I'm not invading anywhere tomorrow,"

"Haha, you're good! But anyway I'm right, aren't I. Everyone loves chocolate."

"What if you're dairy or lactose intolerant?

"Really? Like 2 or 3 people?

"Forty two million, although most of them don't know it."

"You're blowing my mind. They still love chocolate though."

"Endorphinately."

"I hate you."

"You'll miss me when I'm gone.

"I'm ignoring that. Okay, so it's a universal panacea for everyone who isn't dairy or lactose intolerant."

"Or diabetic."

"I'm starting to remember why I left home."

"Or gluten-free."

"Oh come on! A little bit won't hurt."

"Don't go there! I was sick for a fortnight last time."

"There's no gluten in chocolate. Is mum picking you up from the station? I have a birthday present for her if you'd take it."

"You don't read labels do you? Think about the KitKat. Yes, I can take it. What is it, chocolate?"

"Funny. Okay, so we're settled. Chocolate is a universal panacea for anyone who isn't diabetic, or dairy, lactose or gluten intolerant. Are you happy now?"

"You're forgetting soya. It's an allergen."

"What? Are you kidding? There's soya in chocolate? So far as I'm concerned, chocolate is the answer to 'life, the universe and everything,' not 42. Douglas Adams just had the wrong computer program running."

"But the best punchlines."

"I can't believe we're arguing over this."

"Who's arguing? You said chocolate, and I just pointed out you were wrong."

"Yep, you love doing that."

"I'm your sister. You should know by now, it's compulsory. You'll miss me when I'm gone."

"I'm still ignoring that. Why did you ask anyway? It's not your usual dinner table conversation. It's usually strange things."

"You mean, Stranger Things."

"I know what I meant."

"Gee thanks! Dad said to mum, 'wine is a universal panacea,' I wondered what he meant."

"Wine? What's he talking about? Was he drunk? There's sulphites in wine. And hangovers. And what about the Baptists? Or the population of Yemen?"

"Yemen? We went to see that film, Salmon Fishing in The Yemen."

"I know. You ate my popcorn and drooled over Ewan McGregor. Yemenis don't drink alcohol."

"Oh God!"

"Nope, forget God, there's been too many religious wars. Religion always kills someone."

"I wasn't suggesting God as a universal panacea, I was drooling over Ewan McGregor again. Although God is more universal than chocolate, I guess. Stop pulling faces. What's your beef?"

"No good. You've just alienated the vegans, vegetarians, and pescetarians. And probably a few sagittarians. "

"That's part man, part horse, not cow. You're nuts!"

"Nuts? They're an allergen, and a choking hazard. You can't open a bag of peanuts on a plane anymore, not if there's a passenger with allergies. Did you know?"

"Pfft. I'm going to choke you, in a minute! Or smother you with this pillow. Or let the air out of that mattress."

"Tough guy. Says, who?"

"Sesame."

"Hahaha, do you fancy a hot chocolate drink before you go to sleep? And yes, sweetie, I will miss you when you're gone."

"Sleep, that's it! That's the universal panacea. Everyone sleeps, and like Mum says, 'it always looks better in the morning.' Go tell the world."

"Not if you've got sleep apnea. Ow, no, get off, get off."

"Night sis. Thanks for letting me stay."

"zzzzzzzzzzzzz"









July 08, 2022 11:38

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

24 comments

Ken Cartisano
18:16 Nov 06, 2023

My favorite line was: 'Content warning: This story contains allergens.' That--is a very funny joke.

Reply

Show 0 replies
T.S.A. Maiven
04:49 Sep 13, 2022

Loved the dialogue! great job!

Reply

Show 0 replies
00:46 Jul 16, 2022

Nice dialogue! So real and detailed!

Reply

Wendy M
05:10 Jul 16, 2022

Thank you, glad you like it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Avery Mossop
10:55 Jul 15, 2022

Wendy, this is so great! It really felt like such a real sibling conversation. The back and forth was so real, interrupting themselves with details of the morning departure then going back to the discussion. Thanks for sharing! :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Thomas Pascal
10:37 Jul 14, 2022

Nice Wendy! Smooth and funny. I am also a fan of not having all the "she said, he said" every sentence and it's done really well here. Good stuff.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Jim Firth
09:17 Jul 14, 2022

Wendy, I endorphinately enjoyed this! Who needs dialogue tags or action beats when the witticisms just flow between two sisters like this? It shows how much you can do with dialogue--I saw the pillow being thrown and one sister jumping on the other at the end. Great job :)

Reply

Wendy M
09:44 Jul 14, 2022

Thanks Jim, I had fun with this one, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Aeris Walker
01:42 Jul 14, 2022

These sisters sound like a fun group of girls to be around :) Great dialogue! It felt natural, and true to what happens when you’re at a sleepover and you know you need to get up early—you can’t stop talking. I loved all your rebuttals and pushbacks to why chocolate isn’t the answer for everyone, so clever and realistic. Well done! I enjoyed this story.

Reply

Wendy M
04:42 Jul 14, 2022

Thanks Aeris. I'm glad you liked it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Cindy Strube
05:34 Jul 13, 2022

This is fun - really cute interaction between the sisters. “It's the pheromones." "I think you mean endorphins.” (Giggle!) I like the way you interposed their “argument” with the more prosaic matters such as, “What time do you have to go in the morning?” I could just feel like I was there, watching and listening.

Reply

Wendy M
19:11 Jul 13, 2022

Thanks, I'm glad you like it. :-)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kevin Marlow
02:26 Jul 12, 2022

'You've just alienated the vegans, vegetarians, and pescetarians. And probably a few sagittarians.' My fave line, they are so easily inflamed.

Reply

Wendy M
19:10 Jul 13, 2022

As a Sagittarian myself I quite agree!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jay McKenzie
21:40 Jul 11, 2022

I love this little snapshot of an easy, fun relationship. You present such beautiful closeness without any sentimental drag, which is lovely. The dialogue reads very naturally, and I could see this as a scene in a film.

Reply

Wendy M
22:24 Jul 11, 2022

Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Lisa H. Owens
12:28 Jul 11, 2022

Funny! This reminds me of those weird conversations with my sister where we'd laugh until we cried! Funny stuff.

Reply

Wendy M
12:44 Jul 11, 2022

Thanks, that sounds a great relationship. I have the same with my closest friends. I wish I could talk as long on sensible subjects!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Sharon Hancock
01:06 Jul 11, 2022

😂😂😂and here I thought panacea was a skin disease. Had to look it up but now I’ll never forget it! This is awesome. I love the banter between siblings. And the warning was fantastic…had me laugh snorting from the beginning! 😻

Reply

Wendy M
04:07 Jul 11, 2022

Thanks for reading. It's weird trying to read your own work and decide if it's funny so I'm glad it worked.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Michał Przywara
21:54 Jul 10, 2022

Funny :) Like Deidra Lovegren said, great content warning. The opening is engaging. Mid-dialogue can be tricky, but here we have an answer, and that naturally makes us wonder what the question was. I like the confusion in "what is a universal panacea?", depending on stress. The dialogue is amusing and I could see two sisters (or friends, or people with a shared history) chatting like this. It's that kind of semi-serious semi-ridiculous "argument" that fits the prompt nicely. "Sesame." Ha :) The title is a nice play on words. It didn't...

Reply

Wendy M
23:47 Jul 10, 2022

Thanks for taking the time to give so much feedback. I really appreciate it.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
17:03 Jul 08, 2022

The content warning is hilarious. (I'd use a : instead of a ,) I would not italicize every other line. Italics are generally used for interior monologues, so it gets in the way of this dialogue. (I also use italics for irony, which might work in the snarky comments in the single quotation marks...which I weirdly dislike for some reason.) You do you, though. Short stories are our own playbox. Best word every: Endorphinately

Reply

Wendy M
17:13 Jul 08, 2022

Thanks, I should have time to amend that, I was worried it might get confusing as to who says what, especially as the person being negative swaps part way through. I'm glad you liked the CW. Appreciate you having a look :-)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.