The Black Friday Menace

       The Black Friday Menace

Suzanne Marsh

“Come on lady, put your foot on the gas pedal; the one on the right!” It was Black Friday six in the morning. I had hoped to get a good start for my Christmas shopping. Evidently, this was not the brightest idea I ever had. Traffic was at a stand still at the mall, actually it was backed up for two miles. I told myself that was not that bad, but I did not believe me! The car in front of me moved exactly three inches, I was getting closer to my objective, The Golblutz toaster oven. I was going to get one for my Mom and one for me. We had waited patiently for it to go on sale. It was a beauty, worth I hoped all this sitting in line fuming at drivers that have no clue as to how to drive. The car in front of me beeped her horn at the car in front of her...traffic jam time is never pretty. I revved my engine, then fumed because I was still sitting in the same spot I had been in for the last hour.

Growls were emitting from various vehicles, name calling was never worse. I sat some more. Part of me wanted to turn around and go back home; never wanting to hear the word Black Friday again. It was certainly out of my vocabulary at this moment in time. Oh goodie, we moved another inch. The police arrived and attempted to direct traffic. That was looking good until a car decided to roll over the officer’s foot. He was to say the least not a happy camper. The ambulance arrived, attempted to get to the police officer; that did not work well either some fool in a red pick up truck cut off the ambulance. Three accidents in less than an hour.

I sat there wondering if I would ever get out of this traffic jam; it was now three hours and ten minutes since I had left home, drove one mile to the mall and sat. I kept telling myself it had to get better, it could not get any worse. How wrong I was, now there was a battle for a parking space which of course was right in front of the door. Two females were slugging it out. I wondered who would win. It seemed senseless especially after another driver pulled right into the spot. She got out of her car, went into the store returning two hours later with several packages. I still sat in the traffic jam of the century. I simply can not understand how grown people can be so foolish; however I would soon understand. I had to drive around the parking lot of the mall a half dozen times before I finally found a parking space on the end of an isle. It seemed to take forever to reach the mall entrance. Considering the traffic jams, the crazy people on this Black Friday shopping like there is no tomorrow.

The store I needed was located just about in the middle of the mall. There was a line from here to Sacks next door. I had gotten this far I was going to tough it out. Thinking always gets me into trouble, this was no exception. I thought once I got into the Mall things would improve.

There was an argument in the electronics department that sent mall security running like scalded rats. Two women, one had the other’s hair and was snatching the other woman bald. What a sight that was. Here I was get closer to my objective, when a security guard came by: “Ladies, you have plenty of time to go and eat, hopefully upon your return you will be able to set foot in the store.” ‘Oh, wonderful’ I thought as I left my place in line for a sub two doors down. The security officer had placed a cone where I had been standing. I suppose that meant that space was for me, but then again someone might have had an accident while waiting. That was not my problem, the Golblutz toaster oven was.

Time seemed to stand still as I ate my lunch. Several other ladies joined me for lunch.

“Have you ever seen the mall this bad?”

“No but I had a horrible time attempting to find a parking space, I get in here only to discover

that there are several more lines to contend with; not to mention our little lunch break here.”

Before long, it was time to walk back over. I removed the cone where I had been standing only to have security officer come charging over: “hold it right there lady. I put that cone there so people like you would realize there are a people that have been here for hours waiting.”

I could feel the pressure rising in my mind. I was beginning to see red. Anger is not my strong suit, it is my worst however. “Look, sir, I have been here since six o’clock this morning. I have been yelled at, shook, moved and oh yes I also had to walk three miles to get into this damn place. I was standing here before some bozo got the bright idea some of we ladies might like lunch.”

The security guard backed down, cowed as it were. He motioned me back to where I had been standing. Hmph, well at least I was back where I had started. Finally I got to housewares; there were two Golblutz toaster ovens left. I grabbed both only to see sign: ‘limit one per customer’. I purchased the one toaster oven for my Mom. I left the store and thought: ‘they should name today the Black Friday Menace.’ For very good reasons namely the people who are out there shopping are a menace to themselves and others. Never again will I be foolish enough to go shopping on Black Friday, that is promise to myself I will have no problem keeping.