Angela’s Surprise Pandemic Wedding

Angela zipped up her wedding dress, cringing as she looked in the full length mirror. This was not how she had imagined her wedding day would be. She closed her eyes and thought back to when she was a young girl dreaming of her perfect wedding. She could still picture it now. She would walk down the aisle on her father’s arm, her friends and family throwing kisses and beaming at her. Her tall, handsome groom would be waiting for her, tears streaming down his face, joyous and overwhelmed with her beauty. 

The whistling of the tea kettle startled Angela back to reality. The truth was her father passed away ten years earlier, and now her mother was gone as well. The perfect wedding was no longer in the cards for her. At fifty-two years old Angela had the beginnings of a turkey neck, was tired looking and fifty pounds overweight: she reckoned she had enough fat on her stomach to double as the flower girl. Angela sat down and began putting on some make-up, thinking about the day, just two weeks earlier, that this web of deceit began.

Angela’s phone buzzed early that morning just as she was setting up the coffee-maker. When she saw that it was Debbie calling her heart skipped a beat, her best friend would never call that early unless something was terribly wrong. She answered the phone in a panic gasping, “Debbie, what’s the matter? Please tell me you do not have the virus.”

Debbie responded, “No, I’m fine Angela, but I have to ask you for a favor, and I need to ask right now before I lose my nerve. Please hear me out before you say anything.”

“Debbie, you know I am always here for you. We have been best friends for thirty years, I would do anything for you.”

“Anything? Well, do you remember my brother Benjamin?”

“ Debbie, of course I remember your brother. I’ve met him like a million times. I like Ben, he is very nice.”

“Yes, he is very nice. Listen Angela, something bad has happened. Because of this awful pandemic, Ben’s job has been downgraded and he lost his health insurance. And with those  alimony payments to that witch he can barely afford his rent, much less insurance premiums. To make matters worse he has diabetes. He can’t afford  his medicine Angela. He’s been breaking his pills in half and skipping his regular doctor visits. For God’s sakes, he is fifty-five years old and at the mercy of a healthcare system that doesn’t care what happens to him. You know my mother had diabetes too, and she ended up having  both her legs amputated.”

Debbie hiccuped and began to cry, “ I don’t want that to happen to Ben. I am so scared for him. If there was just some way we could help him.”

Angela responded, “Oh Debbie I am so sorry. Does he need a loan?”

Debbie bellowed, “No Angela, he doesn’t need a loan, he needs a wife. A wife with health insurance. I am asking  you to marry him. As a nurse your job gives you great health insurance and you could cover him. Please help him Angela. Please, save his life.”

Angela’s eyes opened wide as she yelled into the phone, “Debbie, are you crazy? That’s against the law. Besides, no offense but your brother looks like Danny Devito, he grunts when he eats, and I’ve seen him pick his nose on more than one occasion.”

Debbie sighed, “Oh Angela, he is the only family I have left. Please help him. It could be good for you too. You’re always telling me how lonely you’ve been since your mother died. My brother is a good guy, he is handy around the house and sometimes he’s even funny. Just imagine it is me moving in with you, just with a bald head and  hairy legs. By the way, he is much taller than Danny Devito. Plus I’m pretty sure all men pick their noses.”

Angela told Debbie she would think about it and ended the call. She began frantically pacing the living room floor as she contemplated Debbie’s request. How could Debbie ask her for a favor like that? Debbie knows she would never do anything illegal. She had always been the good girl, the one who did the right thing, the one who took care of both her parents sacrificing her own happiness. Not like her sister who abandoned her to get married and start a new family.

Angela went into the kitchen and began eating Oreo cookies, stuffing them in her mouth so fast she could barely taste them. She hated herself for being a stress eater, and hated the way she looked. After the eighth cookie, she felt a bit  calmer and decided to call her sister for advice. When her sister picked up Angela said,  “Hey Janie, I have something important to ask you.”

Janie glanced at her watch and replied, “ Okay Angela, but make it quick, I am about to go out.”

Angela frowned, her sister rarely had time for her. Debbie was more like a sister to her than her own sister. She said, “Okay Janie, here it is. I am thinking about getting married. What do you think?”

Janie’s mouth dropped open and her phone fell to the floor.  Angela winced as the  thud echoed in her ear. “Getting married? To whom?” 

Angela responded, “Well, to Benjamin, my friend Debbie’s brother. We have been spending time together and we are thinking of tying the knot.”

Debbie barked into the phone, “Don’t do it Angela. Haven’t you read any of the stories about  older single women being scammed by con artists. These men marry desperate women and then take half their assets. You own the house Angela, can’t you see he wants half the house and half your money? Besides, I think I’ve met Ben. Isn’t he the guy that looks like Danny Devito?”

Angela felt all the blood rush to her head as she screamed back,”Are you saying the only reason a man would marry me is for my money? That’s a horrible thing to say. And by the way, Ben is much taller than Danny Devito.”

“Oh Angela, calm down. You know I’m only trying to help you. I love you and my kids love you too. You are their favorite aunt.  Now don’t take this the wrong way, but we have to face facts, you’ve let yourself go. I just don’t want you to do anything stupid.”

Angela hung up the phone without saying good-bye and stormed into her mother’s room. She wished she had called on the landline so that she could have slammed down the receiver. In a fit of rage she picked up a framed photo of herself and Janie and smashed it on the floor, the glass shards scattering everywhere. Still panting, she opened her mother’s top dresser drawer and pulled out her jewelry box. Inside was the engagement ring her mother left her, but as a single woman she had always been too embarrassed to wear it. Angela placed the ring on her fourth finger and opened up the shades. The sunlight reflected brilliantly off the diamond and a million tiny lights danced across the bedroom walls. Angela moved her hand from side to side, mesmerized by the shimmering jewel and felt something shift inside her. The ring felt so good on her finger and she had waited so long to wear it. For the past twenty-two years Angela had made the same New Year’s resolution and now it was coming true. Angela looked at the ring, picked up her phone and called Debbie. “Okay, I’ll do it. I will marry Ben.” 

Two weeks later, Debbie picked Angela up at her house and the three of them drove to City Hall. Although Angela was well aware the marriage was a sham, she treated herself a new dress  and had her hair professionally done. When they arrived at the venue, Ben helped Angela off with her coat and smiled warmly at her. He said, “Angela, you look lovely.”

Angela blushed crimson, grateful she made the decision to shimmy into Spanx that morning. When they were about to say “I do,” Angela held Ben’s hands and looked into his eyes. She had never before noticed what beautiful brown eyes he had. She also noticed he was wearing his best suit and was touched he made the effort. The pandemic wedding went off without a hitch, and after the nuptials Debbie annoyed the newlyweds by taking way too many pictures. 

After the wedding they picked up some Chinese food to celebrate the fraudulent occasion and brought it back to Angela’s house. The first course was wonton soup, and Angela gritted her teeth as Ben exuberantly slurped his soup. He was  was sucking it in so forcefully she was afraid he would swallow the whole spoon. She made a mental note to never serve soup in the house and once again wondered if she was crazy for doing this. After lunch, the moving van arrived, and Ben carried his few belongings into his new home. Angela couldn’t bear to have Ben move into her mother’s room, so she transferred in all her things and had him move into her room. 

That night, Angela cooked a nice dinner for the first time in over a year. Since her  mother’s passing, Angela had no oomph to cook for just herself. Every night was either a frozen dinner or a sandwich picked up on the way home from work. Angela stood in front of the oven and took a deep breath. The aroma of the roasting chicken and potatoes made her feel warm all over, and for just a moment she forgot all about the awkwardness of the current situation and delighted in having company for dinner.

When they finished eating Ben patted his stomach and said, “Angela, that was delicious. I’ll do the dishes and afterwards maybe we could meet in the living room and watch a movie together. You know, get to know each other a bit more.” Angela felt tears pricking her eyes. Nobody had washed the dishes or wanted to watch a movie with her since before her mother had gotten ill. 

Her voice cracked as she said, “Thank you Ben. I’d like that.”

When Ben finished up in the kitchen he walked into the living room and saw that Angela had spread out all her favorite dvds on the floor. She asked,”How about my favorite, Love Actually?”

Ben said, “Nah, I don’t like romantic comedies. How about the new Batman movie?”

“Nah,” said Angela.  “I hate superhero movies.”

They went back and forth a few more times disagreeing before they both said in unison, “How about a sci-if movie?” Finally something Angela and Ben could agree on. Angela put on one of her favorites and the newlyweds awkwardly watched the movie together, each one squirming on the couch trying not to get too close.

When the movie was over, it was late and Ben had to get up early for work the next day. As he walked to his bedroom he said, “Good-night Angela, and thank you. You really are an angel.”

Angela closed her bedroom door feeling giddy. Amongst all the weirdness of the day, there was a lot to be excited about. It was wonderful having a new friend. Angela impulsively reached for her laptop and opened  the Facebook app.  Then with a brilliant smile spreading across her face, she changed her status to married. Immediately, her phone began to buzz and she saw that it was Janie. She climbed into bed and turned off her phone. Her sister could wait until morning.