Post - (for some) apocalyptic.

Post - (for some) - Apocalyptic.

Donelle Trimp surveyed what she had wrought and thought it good. As the President of the Amalgamated Republican States of Earth - ARSE - she had thought to bring light to the people of recalcitrant countries by way of flattening all of their buildings to let the sun shine upon them.

She had tried talking to them, albeit rather roughly, but that was the kind of talk they understood. Well, possibly they hadn’t understood the message this time, but the next time, if there was a next time, she felt sure they would.

The sensible countries of the earth had finally lost patience in a big way with the peoples that didn’t believe in a proper and refined God.

A true God merely required you to put on your best clothes to visit his houses only once a week. Five times a day was not praying, it was smarmy and undignified as well as embarrassing. She thought, however, there may be a revision to more refined practices after the physical sermon she, through her adherents, had delivered to them.

She also thought that there wasn’t enough floating material left of a suitable size to make rafts that would encroach upon their shores from the sea.

It was the will of ARSE that she took the action, she had said to herself. As the Assembly of the Amalgamation couldn’t come to a sensible conclusion quickly, she had decided for them.

They would thank her later as she had removed a thorny problem from their plates even if they would hum and haw about it later. There would be relief from all of them, of this she was sure. It would then only be argy bargy about building enough reservoirs to store all the surplus oil that would be sloshing around. There would be statues of her littering every landscape of their enlightened union as Saviour.

She took six days to survey the devastation of those countries that dared to challenge her wrath, and on the seventh, she rested.

She had left the pyramids and other monuments to a large degree untouched as they made for nice photographs as well as landmarks now that the plains weren’t encumbered by primitive housing and roads.

Donelle Trimp had risen to prominence by having studied and practised the Kama Sutra from a young age with the devotion of a paedophile gazing at children in a playground.

She had preserved her skills for the truly rich men that she married and drained of their lives by way of sexual excess. However, every one of her departing partners passed away with a smile on his face.

 She accumulated enough wealth by the time she was forty to be able to buy medium-sized countries, or at least their controllers. Via her previous husbands, she had also been able to amass enough blackmail material to induce any reluctant acquiescence of the leaders to form the aggregation of States now known as ARSE.

The member countries of ARSE had thought their alliance to be of a loose kind of mutual respect. However, Donelle had taken precipitous action two hours before. The assembly had come together to discuss whether the errant countries, in their eyes, were to be sanctioned and slapped on their collective wrists. Donelle had shortened the process by taking action and saved them from much squabbling.

So the members of ARSE presented with a 'fait accompli,' sat back on their arses and pontificated for the next six days, and then breathed a sigh of relief. Now they could get down to the business of divvying up the spoils without having to build any extra internment camps.

It was unfortunate for all of the backward and reluctant countries of the world that wouldn’t move forward to embrace the Western model of civilisation. Donelle Trimp was a woman of extraordinary intelligence. It was also just unfortunate for them that her intelligence was not leavened with the ameliorating qualities of temperance toward things she disagreed with.

She was a woman of action first and foremost. In her own country, she had deemed that any new roads or rails to be built would preferably be straight and no ‘silly’ historical impediments should be placed in their undeviating path. Her country was a place of business, aesthetics was an affectation that should be kept out of the gaze of practical and sensible people.

She had argued before the ARSE members that it was Westerners that discovered and mainly used the products of the backward people illogically devoted to wrong worship. They were trying to restrict and charge too much for what came out of their earth. They were just the minders of it, not the owners. If it was left to them, they wouldn’t have been able to extract it anyway, so rightfully, it belonged to the West. Well, it soon would, she had told them.

After the devastating onslaught, the re-emerging countries of the world that had abandoned the civilising history of their ancient times, looked at the action taken by ARSE, (but didn’t kid themselves who ARSE really was) and didn’t seriously object to what they had witnessed. They had not had time to build up their own instruments of defence without attracting the ire of the ARSEs president’s surveillance drones, so kept their collective mouths shut.

They were of patient cultures, and with luck, she wouldn’t have any progeny to take over after her demise. They prayed to their God that ‘Silicon Valley’ wouldn’t come up with a robotic device to house her brain in the future, which could then be an interminable one.

Privately admitting defeat, these ‘emerging’ countries decided to abandon traditional ceremonies and ‘peculiar’ dress and embraced a Western-style of behaviour. They vowed to adopt the knocking together of fists instead of the subservience bowing that sometimes caused the clashing of heads when in confined spaces.

English, it was decided, would be adopted as the first language with penalties for their citizens for communicating in their obsolete language in public places. Having embraced the sentiments of what D.T. thought to be correct behaviour, they plastered smiles upon their faces and moved into the ‘New World.’

Donelle Trimp had been received back into her own country with flowers and yashmaks strewed onto her path. She was hailed as a liberator of the world and spontaneously given the designation of Saint and was always referred to by this title in future times.

She received the honour as a fitting tribute for having saved the world from future conflicts to one where decent human beings could worship the one really true God, and for only once a week; well, except for Christmas, of course.