Who What Where

I shouldn't have come. I really shouldn't have. It's like rubbing salt into my own wound. Maybe a part of me relishes the thought of seeing me in pain. Maybe I have multiple personalities, constantly out to torture each other. It's valentines day. Such a cliche day to get married. If it was me, I would never get married on valentines day. Not because I have anything against it. I love chocolate, roses and teddies. But its already valentines day, why does it have to be a wedding anniversary too? There are three hundred or so other days to have that on. But not my choice to make. At least in this instance. He looks so handsome. I thought I would hate him. Enough to be un affected by his good looks. So far that wasn't happening. I had been struck by his perfection the day he joined my department. I had been impressed by his work ethic. I had been awed by his integrity as a human being. I was in love. That should have been past tense. But even though he had never noticed me outside of the work environment, I still loved him. I wouldn't dare make the first move. I was raised to believe women are wooed not the other way round. It would have been so wrong. I was doubting that decision now. I really should not be here. There was a bottle of whiskey waiting for me at home. I was just going yo have to survive the next few hours. Then rush home to my lover in a bottle. Everything was looking perfect. The flowers, the tables, the cutlery, the people. I probably looked like I had just woken up. It was a gift. The never look sexy no matter how hard you try kind of gift. I was not going to dwell on that . Any more negatives and I might just walk out right now. Which would be awkward, everyone was sitting. When you are at weddings and you make sudden , unexpected or un choreographed movements, people panic. Something about weddings breeds paranoia, puts people on edge. The ones getting married feel that there are people out there to break them up. Sinister beings just waiting for the right or maybe worst moment, to bring all their dreams crashing down. Paranoid yes, but you can never put anything past humans. They are a weird species. The wedding song has started. Well it sounds like a remixed version. Actually I like it. Probably the bride chose it. He is the least musical person I know. It is cute and endearing. But then again I find everything about him cute and endearing. Ok, that is not completely true, I can't stand that finger breaking or snapping thing he does when he is nervous. A part of me is terrified one day he will dislocate or actually break his fingers. The other part I irritated that I care about what he does to his own fingers. Its not like he ever touches me. He might as well be without them. Ok that's nasty, I take that back. It's a valentines wedding day, I shouldn't be thinking morbid thoughts. My unrequited love is no justification whatsoever. Everyone is standing. The bride and her father are coming up the aisle. I cannot see their faces, I'm too far from the aisle. Trying to hide, trying to stop myself from doing anything stupid. So I'm stuck right in the middle. Her dress however looks stunning, even from this distance. That could have been me. Sadly it isn't. I guess it's ok if I cry, everyone cries at weddings right? No one would look at me weird. I would be one of those overly sensitive women who cries at everything and anything. Plus maybe some handsome guy might hand me a tissue. It could be the start of a brand new love story. One in which the characters know their roles and actually stick to them. Unfortunately I was sitting right in the middle of old grannies. Choice seat I had picked for myself. Maybe subconsciously that's how I felt, like an old granny, way past my sell by date. Everyone was sitting again. It was time for the vows. Everyone oohed and aahed at the right moment. I missed a couple and got the eye from the grannies. I shrugged. Not my fault that the ooh and aah memo had not reached my place. Maybe would find it in the mail once I got back home. Home. I could not wait to go back. This little event was getting torturous by the minute. Home. I hoped my whiskey would still be there. I couldn't remember if there was any ice in the freezer. I hoped there was. But no ice would not be the end of the world. The vows and the actually ceremony was wrapped up without any glitches. Hooray for the human race. For once allowing happiness to reign over misery. For how long though that was the question. After all nothing lasted for all eternity. It would be nice to know beforehand. How much time you had, how long chapter laugh was going to be. And how long chapter tears was going to be. All in this volume called life. It was time for the reception. I did not really want to stay. There was the risk of meeting him. Then what would I say? Congratulations but you should have chosen me? It would be awkward. Even if I didn't say that much, silence would even be worse. I still stayed however. In an effort to be a good sport, appear normal, its such hard work, being normal. I was rewarded. I didn't meet him. That was probably because i didn't stay very long. Only long enough not to appear rude. I was going home. Just the thought made me happy. I hadn't realised how late it had become. It was so dark outside. I was feeling really warm now. Cosy even this is what home felt like I was not getting out of bed again. This was happiness. Nothing else mattered in this moment. Nice dream? I knew that voice. I thought I had been lucky. Guess not. Are you going to open your eyes? Oh, I was sleeping. Had I passed out? Wasn't I home? Was he home with me? That was a good and bad thought all in one. Good yaay, bad he was married. He had just gotten married. What was he doing here? Where else would I be, in sickness and in health remember? In sickness and in what? Passing out drunk doesn't count as sickness but the again what was he doing here? Oh wait, he could hear me. Eas I speaking out loud. You know you are really cute when you're confused. Yes I was confused. I doubted the cute part. Wait that was a compliment. I should archive this exact moment. Chances were it would never happen again. What are you thinking? Well what date is it? April 14 2019. Wait April? What? Was I dead? Are you God? I wouldn't tolerate the chances that the devil was this handsome. His laugh is beautiful. I guess heaven ain't such a bad place then. You aren't dead and I certainly am not God. There went my little theory, flying through the window like a wild bird that had been caged. I was afraid to explore other options. There wasn't a specific answer I was afraid I would hear. But then again I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear any answer. So not God, not dead, then who and what. I've been your husband for two months, and you've been in a coma for one of those months. I felt my heart stop and start again. In those few seconds i made my decision. This was one dream I was not waking up from.