Light It Up

Sydney Olsen stepped out of the building on Bradford Stret, where she lived in a one bedroom apartment. She stood still for a moment, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face. She covered her eyes with sunglasses, slipped the 205 door key into her pocket and then set off. It only took about an hour for her to walk around three or four blocks. Sometimes she cut through the local park.

Every now and then she would also stop at the SilverLeaf cafe' to rest, before going back home. On this particular day Sydney went inside, feeling kind of hungry. She ordered a ham and cheese toasted sandwich, with a hazelnut hot chocolate. She sat in the left hand corner booth facing the door, and indulged in one of her favourite pastimes; people watching. Sydney recognised a few familiar faces and sent a cheerful wave to those who spotted her. But nobody came by her table to say hello. Not that it mattered. She really wasn't looking for a chat, just some alone time.

Sydney ate her food slowly, and thought about the upcoming weekend. Soon she would be thirty years old. A rather scary concept. But as the saying goes; better that than the alternative. Her family and friends had planned a special dinner for her.

Even her brother Brady and his girlfriend Sabrina, had agreed to stop by. They lived overseas and were long overdue for a holiday. She hadn't seen them for over a year. Sydney was really looking forward to celebrating her birthday. Although not often in a trip down memory lane sort of mood, this milestone definitely stirred up a few things from her past...

**********

Born Derrick Olsen, the first several years of Sydney's life were spent as a boy. But time went by and as he was growing up, he began to feel like there was something wrong with him. Other boys his age got into sports and cars. He liked these things too, but secretly he also loved dressing up and pretending that he was a lady. He often had the thought that he might have been born in the wrong body.

The punk rock cosmetics and outfits became a workable option for him, without raising too much suspicion. He could paint his nails, wear a little makeup and grow his hair out just that tiny bit longer. But he kept up the act of being a boy as much as possible, especially in public. During high school most of his friends had been girls. He didn't feel attracted to them in any way. However, he did admire and envy their softer features and feminine curves.

Those friends were amongst the first people to accept his difference and let him know it was okay. Not everyone he encountered over the following years, would be so nice about it. Derrick was being raised by a single mother. Victoria knew her eldest son was struggling. She thought she might have an idea of what it could be. So when he finally plucked up the courage to tell her the truth, she was only mildly shocked.

"You wish to change into a woman?" Derrick nodded, his eyes pleading with his mother to understand. "I am convinced that I was meant to be female. I have felt this way for ages. But right now, the inside doesn't match the outside." He thought Victoria's sudden silence, meant that she did not approve. But it was exactly the opposite. She held onto him tightly. "Honey, you are still my child and I love you. If you go through with this and it truly makes you happy, then who am I to stand in the way?"

A few months later, Derrick visited the doctor and began hormone therapy. He then came out as transgender to the ones he loved the most. Brady had no problems with it. If anything, the siblings became even closer. Grandma Jeneva actually thought of a suitable name that she could use for a new identity. Sydney never once looked back. She bought ladies clothes, shoes and underwear. She followed make up tutorials online, and had alot of fun experimenting.

Fortunately she didn't need too much tweaking, to carry off a more womanly appearance. Her black eyes were big and full of natural lashes. She had a smooth complexion and a nice face. Her midnight brown hair was long and wavy, with plenty of shine. The hormones also changed the rest of her body. She was for the moment, undecided about having surgery. The very idea of it was frightening, plus it was expensive. She would have to save up some money. Maybe one day.

*********

Jodi Milan worked as a waitress at the SilverLeaf cafe', but her main ambition was to be a credited singer/songwriter. She was one of Sydney's closest friends. They'd known each other since they were five years old. It did not surprise Jodi at all, when back in the day, Derrick confided his secret to her. Mr and Mrs Milan didn't quite know how to react when they found out. But Sydney won them over. They soon became just as supportive of her as their daughter always had been.

********

The small LGBTQ community in town, such as it was, embraced her with open arms. Sydney's first relationship at eighteen, was with a twenty one year old aspiring drag queen. His real name was Roman Grigori. They dated for four years. The break up itself was out of the blue and for a while, the two of them weren't talking. Sydney eventually made the first move to say sorry and Roman accepted her apology. They formed a solid friendship.

She went on dates every so often, most of them fixed up for her by Jodi. But there wasn't anybody she saw, who lit up a spark within. Until Cody Fletcher came along. She fell hard and fast. For about two and half years, she thought they were as close as any couple could be, just happy to be together. Cody taught martial arts. He was considering the option of opening up his own place. Sydney took night courses in fashion and design, while waiting tables at a tavern. She got along with the staff and was friendly with the regular customers. Her boss was happy with her work.

One evening, Sydney got home earlier than expected. She found Cody in bed with another woman. The lady in question was horrified to learn that Cody had a girlfriend. "He assured me that he was single." Sydney hit the roof once the door closed behind her. "You lowlife cheating bastard! Did you set this up on purpose?" Cody threw on a pair of pants and a top. "No. I am sorry. I get bored easily and she was there for the taking. I have tried to stay faithful with previous partners and I thought maybe things would be different with you. But I just can't seem to help myself." Since the end of that relationship, Sydney had decided to remain single.

**********

That Friday morning, Jodi ran late for her shift. Her friend practically flew in from the back entrance and barely had a moment to greet anyone; she was already moving behind the counter, tying up her apron as she went. Before Sydney left, she placed some bank notes in a tip jar and mimed "Call me later," to Jodi. Her response was a thumbs up and a smile. The weather outside had really started to warm up. She could feel the sweat forming under her shirt and was relieved that she had thought to apply suncream. Her fair skin could turn red and burn very easily.

Safe and sound back in her apartment, Sydney switched on her laptop, searching through her e-mails for anything of interest. She now wrote online articles for three popular lifestyle magazines. In her spare moments, she put her developing skills with both plain cloth and various patterns into practise. She snapped photos of the final results. Her roughly outlined sketches were collected in a large leatherbound scrapbook. Coincidentally, Roman's new boyfriend Ian, had contacts in the fashion industry. He was willing to put in a good word for her, when she was ready to take that step.

By late afternoon, she was done with work for the time being. At around six o'clock, she found a packet of pasta and sauce in the pantry. She tipped its contents into a saucepan. Then she buttered two slices of bread and poured herself a small glass of white wine. There wasn't much on the TV to watch, so she wandered over to her DVD shelf and selected a couple of movies she hadn't seen for a while. Sydney did not mind being alone, compared to hanging around other people. Of course there were exceptions, like her birthday dinner. Tolvini's Restaurant was known for its delicious food and welcoming atmosphere. The prices weren't bad either.

Her mobile rang. She hit the pause button on the remote and answered it. "Hey Jodi." "Hi Sydney. Have a good day?" "No complaints. How about you?" "Not too bad, however there was this one kid being difficult. He couldn't decide what he wanted to eat. When he finally made his choice and it was brought to the table, he knocked it onto the floor. His mother was beyond embarrassed. Guess who had to clean up the damn mess...yours truly." "My sympathies."

'Thanks. Oh, that reminds me, have you worked out which outfit you're going to wear for Sunday?" "Hmm, I was debating on whether or not to wear a dress, or that new suit I bought a couple of weeks ago." " It's your party. I am sure whatever you pick will be fabulous. See you there!" "With bells on." "You think you're so funny. God, I can't keep my eyes open for much longer. I need sleep. So, I'll say goodnight my dear friend." "Sweet dreams, bestie."

THE END