Vampire Diaries (And Not the F***ing Show)

August 28th,

So here’s the thing - my name is Yvonne Naomi. It’s an awful name because my parents hated me ever since I left the womb and were like “Hey! Why not ruin this kid’s life!” but naming me after my two very dead and very racist grandmas wasn’t enough; they decided that Yvonne Naomi was a bit of a mouthful so they shortened it. Shortened it to what exactly? YN. They’re sure hip. Uh-huh. That’s my actual damn name. 

It gets better - oh so much better. My eyes? Blue. What the hell. That’s not even fair. Ten percent of the population has blue eyes. And! And both my parents have brown eyes! I had a three in four chance of having brown eyes. A three in four chance so why do I have blue eyes? Why am I five two? Why does everything in my life sound like its a part of a fanfiction?

You know what, I’ve been asking that same question, every day since when I was born. Thankfully - by the sweet ah mighty mother - thankfully I only have one year of high school left and then maybe, maybe, I can escape the horror of awful cliches and tropes. Please, please, please, Mary. You owe me this one.

August 31st,

When people talk about senior year like it’s supposed to be a magical time I can safely assure you, they’re full of shit. I’ve been a senior for exactly three days and I’m calling bullshit! Everything about being a senior is just stressful and depressing. It’s college applications and then scholarships and oh did you think that was too easy? Here’s a bunch of projects just to show how much we love you.

And every day after school I’m just… tired. I crashed at seven yesterday but tonight… tonight I’m still up. I think I’m turning into a vampire or something lol.

September 1st,

Ah shit. I’m a vampire.

September 11th,

So, looking back, that last entry might’ve been just the tiniest bit… ominous. But like, I’m not being overdramatic. I’ve got the whole vampire thing going on for me. Pale skin? Check. Growing red eyes? Check. Fangs? Check. A sudden lust for blood? Check, check, check. How did I become a vampire? I’d like to know that too.

All in all, I love this new development.

I always thought that I was going to have to be Bella. Be the plain, vanilla ass girl who has a billion and one boys fall in love with her. I always thought I was going to have to be Elena - trapped in some stupid love triangle. But now I’m slotted into the main character in a mystery novel. Holy shit Mary you really pulled through with this one. I’m not even pissed about the whole being undead thing.

September 14th,

I have solved the mystery.

And the mystery’s solution is the only person in the entire damn school with a weirder name than me - Midnight. Midnight Pomegranate. She has pink hair. She sits by the window. She’s a Japanese transfer student coming her for her last year of high school. As it turns out when the American and Japanese tropes of main character collide what happens is… vampires. Yep, vampires. Whoever did the world-building on my life should be shot.

Midnight is… fine. She’s fine! I have no problem with her, it’s just that she drives my senses crazy. I think about her all the time. I think I want to bite her. I think all we’re missing is some erotic sword fighting and I’d think that we were love interests lol.

September 16th,

Today, in gym class, we started a new unit. Fencing. Guess who was my partner? Just take a wild f***ing guess.

September 20th,

Today, I am proud to announce to the entire world that I, YN, am actually bisexual. Now that’s a plot twist for you. I didn’t know that authors knew what a bisexual person was. I spent most of my morning googling about it, researching it and then this other practically mythological sexuality in media... pansexual but I decided I liked bi better. Not that labels particularly matter or anything. But representation? In my fanfiction?

Unheard of.

Midnight is probably the big reason I realized. She’s… great. Perfect. She told me that back home she was just one part of a harem - the cute one. I’m not that big on anime myself but Midnight’s patient with me. She’s also bi. Two of us? In one story? Fake. She came to America hoping to escape the tropes, but her anime girl powers were apparently too much for the world to take and was slotted into the role of protagonist here.

A role I had previously occupied. And then the whole world - or maybe it was just Mary - decided to throw me a bone and make me into a vampire. I have to hide it from my parents and everyone else in the whole wide world except Midnight. She understands and she trusts me. Her blood is good. Better than heaven.

When Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit - it never once said what this fruit was in the bible and I have no idea why it ended up being portrayed as a damn apple. I personally believe it was a pineapple. They’re so good and I can’t stop eaten even when it stings my lips - I wonder if it tasted like Midnight’s blood. I wonder if Eve had ecstasy in her veins. I wonder if she laughed as she brought paradise to its knees with a single bite.

September 21st,

DO YOU REMEMBER?

September 24th,

Despite only knowing Midnight for ten days now, I can safely say I love her. And she loves me too. At least until the sequel when a sexy werewolf comes into the picture. I don’t think I’d mind the werewolf.

Maybe we can all be girlfriends?

September 25th,

Oh… vampirism was a metaphor for being gay.