Man of my Dreams

I look up, and absorb every ray of sun and soak it into my skin. I hear the boat cutting through the waves of the ocean, as the captain sails alongside the pacific coast. I am alone, sitting on a chair and just closing my eyes and admiring the scenery. Instantaneously, we come to a stop. A stop so abrupt water came crashing just on the deck of the boat. Startled, I shot up and saw a silhouette of a man standing in front of me. Before I can formulate a face to the shadow, I am shoved overboard. I feel my back crash into the water. It is cold, and crisp. The water I felt spraying on my cheek had turned violent and thrilling. I feel my body sink down as if I am in a hurry to the depths of the big sea. The man watching me sink, seeing my hopeless body slowly fade from existence, starts to become too blurry for me to see. Then It gets darker, and darker and darker. 

I wake up and see the bright daylight peaking through the curtains in my bedroom. A twisting feeling is in my stomach and I rush to the bathroom. I hover my head over the toilet only to throw up water. Just water. Not thinking anything of it, I wipe my mouth, brush my teeth and get ready to start my day.

Saturdays are always my easy days. No work, just me in my apartment. I get ready and head out the door, on my way to the local market. I pull into the parking lot of the store, only to see that It is crowded. Had I known there’d be this many people I would have presented myself a little nicer. I mean what is this? Why is it so crowded on a Saturday morning? I enter the market and head to the produce section. While looking for ripe fruit, I bump shoulders with a tall, muscular man. “My bad” he says and walks by me.

 I turn to say something in response, but I just miss him. I turn all the way around searching for a man just for me to say “It's okay”. What is wrong with me? Why do I always fixate on the small things. And there it is. The rush of thoughts, the beginning of the spiral inside my head. I feel like someone carried out in the ocean. Everytime I try to get up for air another wave crashes on me, forcing me under the tides. I turn back to my fruit, and put them in my basket. 

While walking outside to my car, I can’t help but notice how cloudy the sky is. I loathe these days. The days where the sky matches my overwhelming thoughts. The sky is filled with dark, colossal  clouds that seem like they are about to burst into rainstorms within seconds. With the knowledge of a storm coming, I rush to my car and start to head home.

I run to the front door of my apartment and open and slam the door. Putting the fruit away, I hear something from outside. Startled, I whip my head to face the window, and see it is only the wind, carrying the bush outside to brush against the window. Noises like that bother me. Noises where I don't know who made them. Noises without a creator. I hate them all, they leave me in constant fear. I lay down on my couch and put on some T.V. My eyes turn into weights the moment I lay down, and I begin to sleep. However the feeling of someone or something watching me is keeping me up. I search my apartment and look out the windows. Nothing but my own paranoia. I lay back down and grab a blanket and take a nap. 

And there I am again. On the boat, soaking every once of the sun into my skin. But this time it's different. I turn to my left and see a man laying on a towel next to me. He has his head down, with his back tanning. I look back up at the sky, admiring the dainty white clouds. The music of the ocean gives me a sense of peace. I am safe right here. And it happens again, I close my eyes and there I am sinking. I see a man standing at the edge of the boat watching me. He leaves as my body sinks more and more to the oblivion.

 I wake up, and rush to the bathroom. I throw up nothing but water. Is that related? How are my dreams still following me when I wake up? I look at my calendar and realize I'm late. I haven't gotten my period In 2 weeks, I feel my stomach churn. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be. I can’t have a child with someone who I want nothing to do with. With someone whose side of the bed remains untouched. With someone who was so willing to leave. I rush outside and go back in my car and back to the store. I have tears rolling down my face and my fingers are clenched tight to the steering wheel. I go into the store and rush to get a pregnancy test. I make my way through several people. My vision is impared with the thought of me having a baby with someone who left. With a rushing sense of urgency, I run to the bathroom and take the test. I wait for a line to show up. Two for yes, one for no, Two for yes, one for no Is all I can think of. I muster up all the hope I have for just one line to show up. I see a line show up, but then I see a faint second line. A lump begins to form in my throat and I can feel my heartbeat shaking my entire body. I exit the bathroom frantically, only to find a man waiting outside. 

“Are you alright? I saw you run to the bathroom, I am Alex,” He gestures for me to shake his hand. I watch him look at the pregnancy test in my hand. 

“ I'm fine thank you, I’m Maria”. I start walking and he gets in my way. I look up and realize his height. He towers over me. I feel a sense of familiarity in him. His voice, his touch, his everything. I realize he’s the man from the grocery store. 

“ Do you wanna talk?” He sits down on the benches outside the bathroom. I sit next to him and just show him the test. I realize he can see my mascara running down my face, and he already saw me manically run to the bathroom, what dignity do I have left? “ Oh, uh…” he stammers, “ Are you and your husband trying to get pregnant?”

Confused, I looked up at him. “What? No, why would I be crying if- '' I catch a glimpse of the test and realize there is only one line. “ Oh thank God! I thought I was pregnant” I let out a chuckle. I’m mortified right now. This guy probably thinks I'm insane. 

“Congratulations! Your boyfriend must be relieved” Alex says laughing along. I'm thankful he is not running for the hills at this point.

“ Oh, no, I'm single. My ex and I broke up last month.” Why did I say that? He didn't need the details. He definitely thinks I am  a lost cause. My mind begins to spiral again and again.

“ Oh, I am sorry to hear that, '' Alex says with a slight smile on his face. We lock eyes. I feel like I have known Alex forever. Looking into his eyes gave me a sense of security. For the seconds we made eye contact, it felt like an eternity. An eternity I would never want out of. 

“It's okay,” I say, smiling back. After talking for a while I notice where the familiarity is coming from. Alex was a copy and paste of Reign. From what he was wearing, to how he styled his hair, to how he had his beard shaved. I enjoyed talking to Alex. Even though he reminded me of Reign, the differences between them is what makes Alex intriguing. 

“ Listen, I am not really doing anything all day, would you like to meet me for drinks tonight? Maybe around 8? You know, to celebrate you not being pregnant” Alex lets out a sheepish laugh. I found it cute that he was nervous. 

“ I would love to! What is your number?” Alex proceeds to give me his number, and walks me out of the store to my car. I drive home safely with the dorkiest smile on my face. “This day really turned out for the better” I think to myself. I look at the clock, and realize I have three hours until I need to start getting ready to meet Alex. I lay back down and watch TV. 

I open my eyes and see the sky is cloudy and the waves are wild on the boat. This isn't calm, nor relaxing. I hear the wind shooting at my ear, I turn to my side and see the back of a man. His head turns and sees Alex. Was it Alex all along? I wake up to the timer I set on my phone. I need to get ready. 

I get off the couch and begin to scrummage through my dresser and closet, trying to find an outfit to wear. I pull out a pink strapless dress and my mind instantly goes to that night. The night Reign left. 

I was out partying with my friends, the party in which Reign did not want to go to but insisted I went. I continued to text him to let him know I was safe. He never responded. After dropping all my friends off at their house. I walk through the door only to be welcomed by complete silence. This loud, overwhelming silence rings in my ear in every room of what was once our apartment. No note, no picking up my calls, no anything. Reign’s parents had died, and he was an only child and really had no other family but me. So just like that, he was gone.  He packed some clothes, and left the most obscure objects. In fact he seemed so urgent to leave. He was so ready to leave me without a goodbye. Instead he gave me a parting gift of the things he just left here. Reign was always the worst at packing. I always packed his bag for him. When he gave up on us, he took his pants but left his underwear, he took his razor but left the shaving cream. He even took one shoe and left the other pair. He even forgot to tell me or give me any sort of sign he wanted out. He forgot to answer any of my calls. He forgot I loved him with everything I had, and I thought he loved me. He forgot to say goodbye. 

I throw the pink dress to the side, and pull out a provocative type of dress and hold it against my body. I try it on and play around with the fabric until I'm fairly satisfied with how it looks. I check the clock and quickly do my hair and makeup and run out the door. 

Once I pull into the parking lot and enter the bar, I see Alex leaning on the bar and nodding his head up once he sees me. I get butterflies, something I haven't felt since Reign. “You look amazing,” Alex says stunned. The face he had expressed brought me back to Reign. Reign had this animated type of personality where he went above and beyond to express himself. He was an open book, so I thought. 

“ Thank you! So do you,” I feel like a schoolgirl, all bashful and blushing. Alex was wearing a really nice button up, with jeans. Pretty casual. He smelled of Old Spice.  A typical Reign outfit. Why do I keep comparing him to Reign? I try to remind myself that Alex is different. Alex is Reign 2.0. I can feel it. He is quite literally the man of my dreams.

“What can I get for you two?” The bartender asks standing behind the bar in front of Alex and I. 

“Do you like beer?” Alex asks me.

“Yeah beer is fine,” I say.

“Two beers please!” Alex asks politely to the bartender. The bartender nods his head and gives us the beers. The beers look flat, no fizz to it. “ This is a depressing beer” Alex says laughing. I cover my mouth with my hand and laugh. We begin to talk, and I try to ignore how he has the same mannerisms as Reign. We both finish our beers and I try to savour every drop. “Here I’ll get us a second round” Alex offers. 

“No it’s okay I got it!” I try to rebut. 

“ Maria,” he grabs my hand, “I insist. Why don’t you use your money to play a song on the jukebox? '' He nods his head in the direction of the vintage jukebox in the corner of the bar.

“You’re too sweet. Thank you,” I say and get up and start to head over to the jukebox. I click a random button and end up pressing B3, playing “Creep”  by Radiohead. I head back and sit back down to new glasses of beer. “ Aw you have no fizz in yours!” I tease Alex. This time my glass was fizzing as a normal beer should, while Alex’s is as calm as still water. 

“ You are very funny,” Alex says smiling and frowning at the sad, non-fizzing beer. 

I take a sip of my drink and am alarmed with the taste. “ Karma got me! My drink kind of tastes like feet,” I joke.

“ That Karma is a bitch,” Alex and I laugh. “ How about, we have a contest. Whoever can chug their drink the fastest wins, and the loser buys a round of shots.” Alex’s challenge gives me nostalgia. Reign and I always played our own little game at the parties we would be dragged to. I always won, which made Reign want to challenge me more. I missed having fun with someone. I’m having a lot of fun with Alex. 

“ You’re on! Three, two, one!” I bring my beer up to my mouth and Alex does the same. I start to chug with the bottom of the glass facing the ceiling. I look at Alex, who is barely done with his drink. I close my eyes and just focus on winning this contest. I missed this rush of adrenaline. I thrive for competitions like this, and haven’t had anyone to compete against since Reign. I could definitely get used to this. 

While taking my final sip of beer I slam my glass on the bar and yell “done!”

A couple moments after Alex does the same. “Damnit!” Alex laughs, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. 

“ So, correct me if I’m wrong, but I think you owe me a round of shots,” I taunt Alex. 

“ Excuse me….. Can we get a round of shots here?” Alex gestures for the bartender. 

I have a weird feeling in my stomach. I think I am starting to get tipsy. I normally am a lightweight, but two beers? I guess it has been awhile. 

The rest of the night keeps leaving my mind. I remember bits and pieces. I remember leaving with Alex, or him taking me home. I remember we kissed. I remember being put in the backseat of his car. I remember being muffled. 

I wake up in an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar bed. The house reeks of an order I can’t begin to describe. I get up, cautiously. I can not find my phone. I enter a room with the door shut. I struggle to get it open. 

I finally open the door and am horrified. I see Reign. I see Reign in a way I never wish to see anyone in. He is gory, he is colorless, he is lifeless. I scream in horror and rush to his body. He is dead. The love of my life is dead. I never got to say goodbye. I never acknowledged our final kiss. Our final hug. Our final everything. I rushed out of the room, my eyes still glued to the horror. I slam the door shut and turn around to get out of this house. As I try to run I am stopped by a tall man. I look up and see Alex. I begin to scream but am muffled by his mouth. He takes me into his room and closes the door. I hope I wake up soon, but realize that my nightmares have crossed the line and became reality.