The Grimace

Hey guys! It’s been a while! So I plan on releasing stories more often for fun and to relieve boredom. This one is totally satire and cheesy, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless. Love you all! There is blood in this story, but not super descriptive.

It all began with a McDonald’s Happy Meal, and a girl named Steph. She didn’t even like McDonalds that much. Her parents had just forced her to go because it was some big purple nightmarish blob’s birthday. In honor of him there was the Grimace shake…which she didn’t want to try, but her mom bought her one anyway. 

     It really wasn't really fair – she hated the way her stomach churned in agony every time she took a bite of her burger, like a cat with an itch. The taste of the cheap fries and plastic cutlery were both worse than the grease coating her tongue, making her want nothing more but to throw the whole thing in the trash. It was at least bearable when they remembered to salt the fries…but nope. Not today! 

     Even though Steph was in her first year of high school, she wanted nothing more than to play on the snot and dirt infested floors of the McPlayground. It would be better than choking down food that she couldn’t stand. So, as her parents began talking about pointless things like politics, she slipped away. She had thought they weren’t watching until…

     “Wait! Stephanie,” her mom called out, “at least take your shake. Make Grimace a happy…well…whatever he is.”

     Steph scrunched her nose in disgust.

     “Ugh, fine. But I know I’m going to hate it!”

     She grabbed the cup of unknown thick purple liquid, dreading whatever the taste would be…sure their ice cream was usually fine, but that’s when they had normal flavors, like chocolate or strawberry or something. Not a shake named after a deranged purple muppet. 

     The plastic cup felt cold in her hands. She lifted the red straw, watching the contents of liquid wisteria swish around inside. Her eyebrows lifted, suddenly intrigued. The liquid was actually kind of…pretty. 

     Gingerly, she picked up the straw, put it in her mouth and…

     SLURRRRRRRRRP!

     The cold swarm of heaven in her mouth was unlike anything she’d ever dreamed of before. It was vanilla, her mother’s dandelion root tea, and everything else that was nice. Wow, she’d really underestimated the power of McDonald’s because this was simply INCREDIBLE!

     “Happy birthday, Grimace,” she smiled in genuine delight and joy. 

     And then Steph’s smile faded. Her back snapped backwards with a SNAP! Her blonde hair shook rapidly, her poised, pretty face twitching. The purple liquid frothed out of her mouth and eyes, onto the ground. Her green eyes rolled to the back of her head so that she couldn’t see anything.

     What’s happening to me? The poor girl thought.

     Then, she opened her eyes. She was suddenly in the tubes of the McDonald’s playground, but there were no other kids in sight. Right now, she was sitting crouched like a cat in the purple tube. 

     “Hello?” She called out, “can anyone hear me?”

     That was before she heard a low and ominous musical noise…singing Happy Birthday To Me. The tubes of the playground shook abrupt and solemn, making the hairs on Steph’s neck raise ninety degrees. She knew that her life was in danger. She needed to hide, so searched frantically for somewhere to go…she needed to be quick. 

    Frantically, the girl searched every corner she could for a place to hide. She couldn’t seem to find anything, and the shaking and trembling of the playground seemed to be getting worse and worse, the humming of Happy Birthday getting louder. Then, fortunately she found a corner to hide in. There was a big, navy, plastic pull down hideaway board, and a slide next to it in case he did find her. She ran to take cover, pulling the board down as quickly as possible. She was no longer in a tunnel-thank goodness.

      Loud, barging footsteps drew closer and closer to her. She felt warm tears rolling down her cheeks while she gazed out through the crack. With every footstep, the floor, walls, and ceiling shook more. 

     Then, to her horror, a large purple foot stepped into view from the crack. Steph’s green eyes grew to the size of emeralds. 

      A twelve foot, fluffy purple body in the shape of her peanut was stomping by. His face was sinister yet childish, like a puppet. Steph could feel her heart beat in her chest.

     “Happy birthday to meeeeeee,” Grimace sang out in a low, monstrous tone, “I can hear you breathing, new friend!”

     Steph held back sobs. 

     Then suddenly, she felt a cold hand wrap around her mouth. She jumped hard. She tried to scream, but the sound was muffled.

     The hands dragged her down the green slide next to her. Though, she realized, these hands felt human. Adult-like. But the one holding her was behind her so that she couldn’t see them. The slide jumbled the two of them carelessly to the floor, and Steph was pulled under the slide, where a group of other terrified humans were hiding. 

     The hand released it’s grip from around her mouth softly. 

    “Who are-“ she flipped around, taken by surprise at who she saw, “Ronald McDonald?”

     His cold skin was white as powdered sugar, with kind and horrifying makeup painting his face. His mouth was painted with a red, wide smile, and his clothes were overwhelmingly bright. His curly hair and round nose were as red as his bad lipstick job. 

     “Shhhh not so loud…” Ronald told her in his high-pitched Mickey Mouse voice, “he might hear you!”

     “Wait, you’re protecting us?” Steph asked, stunned. 

     The clown nodded, his red curls bouncing up and down. He opened his mouth to say something, before the playground above began to shake rapidly. 

     The clown’s pointer finger pressed tightly against his own red lips. He stared intently at her, urging her to not speak. 

     Steph was so confused, but so, so horrified at all of this. She was always terrified of Ronald, with his pasty skin and mindless eyes. But he was being kind and generous…she didn’t trust it. But, nonetheless, she sat beside the other people. 

     “How did you all get here?” she asked.

     “We drank the Grimace shake,” a preteen boy said in a hushed, shaky voice, “and he’s hungry.” 

      “We watched him eat five others,” said a young woman, “ and one of his victims was six foot seven!”

     “Oh gosh! How many survivors are there?” Steph asked.

     “Well, you’d be the fifth, I guess.” The woman answered.

     Steph gulped. 

     “Well, are we safe here?” she asked.

     “No. We’re trapped here like mice on the run from a cat. Our only trust is in Ronald,” said a middle aged man. 

     “Well, I don’t even trust him,” Steph murmured. 

     “Neither do we,” said the last voice, belonging to a girl about Steph’s age, “but he’s all we’ve had since we’ve gotten here.”

     “Oh wow…” said Steph, “so we’re here until we die?”

     “Basically, yes,” the girl responded. 

     The noise above them had gone silent. Steph looked back at Ronald, and he was ushering the people to come with him. 

     “Where are we going?” she asked.

     “Well, we’re going to try to go outside,” the preteen boy said, “and so far we have not been so lucky.”

     “Worth a shot, though, right?” The man hoped aloud. 

     “Yeah, I suppose,” Steph responded.

     So, cautiously the six of them each crawled out from beneath the play area, past empty tables and so. Except they weren’t quite empty: there were purses and books and car keys left out alone. It was eerie. 

     Ronald continued to crawl, leading each of them out, until they got to the glass door. Then, the clown carefully stood up and opened the door softly. They people all winced, as if expecting Grimace to here them and come…but he didn’t. So they walked through the door, and met the fresh air outside. Cars were parked in the parking lot.

     “We actually made it this time!” The preteen boy squealed.

     The rest of the people were more cautious about being outside. Not quite sure what to think, they looked all around…

     We’re free… thought Steph.

     Or so she thought. 

     “Now, you can all run along home,” Ronald grinned, “bring a happy meal with you! There’s a portal that will take you home some-“

     CRASH!! The sound of breaking glass filled the air, and with it an angry blob of purple. It grumbled, and Steph cursed. Everyone else screamed. 

     Grimace stood next to the clown, making him look small. 

     “Oh, silly Grimace!” Ronald laughed, “we weren’t leaving! We were just…”

     With that, Grimace scooped up the clown, shoving him down into the black hole that was his mouth. His legs stuck out of his cotton lips, kicking furiously.   Before Ronald went to the road of no return, he noticed the razor teeth in the throat of the purple blob. He screamed before his skull was crushed.

     The other five all screamed, scattering like flies. They were fast, but Grimace was faster. He devoured four before they could find a place to hide, leaving only Steph. 

     Steph’s ears were still bursting from the sound of dead drowned out screams. She began to crawl underneath a dirt covered blue Ferrari. Grimace saw her; fresh meat playing hard to get. Grimace liked this. It made his prey more fun.

     So he walked sleepily over to her, his feet heavy and great. The target saw him coming, and she was afraid. Frantically she tried to take cover, but he was too close. He dragged her legs backwards across the pavement, scraping her legs as she tried to grab for a tire to hold on to. 

     Mmmm…fresh blood for Grimace. He picked Steph, his prey, up from upside down. 

     Steph screamed and cried in his grasp, fighting and hitting him. But Grimace didn’t care; he was hungry. He dangled her thrashing, wet, blotchy head above his own, before singing.

     “Happy birthday…to…meeeeeeee,” he sang before devouring the helpless girl. She screamed once last time before her death. 

     He felt her blood running down his throat as her heart stopped beating and her chest slowed, and he felt satisfaction in his fill. 

A few minutes later…

     Steph walked out of the McPlayground, exhausted from her long spent play with all of the younger kids. 

     “Oh there you are, Stephanie,” her mother said to her, “we’ve been looking for you! How was your shake?”

     “It was amazing,” Steph grinned, “thank you so much!”

     “Oh, of course! Happy we could find something at McDonalds that you actually like. Now, we’re super late home…we should be on our way before Grams gets there!”

     But they were going home with an imposter. After all, as Grimace knew well, you are what you eat.

     Whistling a tune, the janitor turned on his flashlight to clean up McDonald’s for the night. 

     He walked through the kitchen.

     To the supply closet. 

     He needed the mop.

     He braced himself for whatever he would find.

     The last few days had been strange.

     Opening the closet gingerly, it happened again. 

     He knew what was coming. 

     Yet he still screamed. 

     Five non-breathing bodies rolled out, covered in wisteria purple ice cream.