Rescue

“Look - there! Do you see it?” I turn away from the window, moving towards the storage closet. My husband glances outside. A wildly flaring and flickering group of red lights is the only color in a sea of black punctuated by thick specks of white. 

“Yes, I see it,” he acknowledges. “But Sonya, you can’t go out in that, it's too dangerous. You could get lost. You could freeze!” He moves restlessly towards the radio. “Maybe we can call for help.”

I start stuffing my limbs into my outerwear. “We’re miles from anything out here. I can’t wait for help. They could be dying out there.” Those lights look pretty urgent.

He shakes his head and comes back over, placing himself between me and my boots. “If we can see them then they can see us, right?” he says stubbornly. “Let’s put on all the lights and let them come to us.”

I sit down and reach between his knees to snag the first one, struggling to pull it on. “Maybe,” I say, “maybe not. Even if they can see us they might not be able to get to us.” He crouches down, blocking the other boot from view and looking at me from my level. A frown mars his long face.

“Sonya. Sunny. Think of the kids. What would they do without you?”

I feel my foot slide home and pause to meet his eyes. “Jack. Our youngest has a wife and three kids and our oldest has been married for ten years now. They have lives of their own.” Sighing I reach around him for the second boot and begin tugging it on. “I hardly even see them anymore, way out here in the back of beyond as we are. They would be fine. IF anything happened to me,” I add. “Which it won’t.” Standing I stomp each foot to make sure the boots are all the way on. Then I pull back my long black hair with the threads of gray creeping in and tuck it all down the back of my suit. Where is my head covering? I glance back in the closet and extricate it from the tangle.

“What about me?” he replies quietly. I stop. Slowly I look into those warm brown eyes that had captivated me the first time I saw them. Seventeen and being dragged under the waves. The desperate struggle to reach the air only a few feet above me. So close. An arm like a metal bar cinching around my chest beneath my arms and dragging me up, up into the sweet, cool air again. 

When we stumbled out of the surf and collapsed on the sand I’d looked over and there he was. A dark haired boy with the most open and desperate expression I’d ever seen. Staring at me like I was someone important. Like saving me was the most important thing he’d ever do. “Let’s go for a walk,” he’d  said anxiously, supporting me over towards the lifeguard station. We’d been together ever since. 

“We both know you’re coming with me,” my voice comes out a little uneven and I work to steady it. “Besides, you’ve always been the first to rush in to help. How many times have you risked yourself for others, no matter the cost? No matter what I said?” My voice has become tart with remembered pique. I smile a little. “It's one of the things I admire most about you. Your courage.” He is silent. “What’s different this time?” I ask softly. He looks away.

After a moment he responds. “It’s one thing to risk your head. It’s something else to risk your heart.” His gaze turns pleading. “Don’t risk it, Sunny. Please. Don’t risk my heart.” A pang goes through me and my fingers close around my wedding ring, twisting it anxiously as tears start in my eyes. Simple silver with a heart engraved on the outside. It's the most precious thing I own. He’s right. It's dangerous. 

I force my hand down. I want to live in a way that is worthy of this man whom I love so much. This amazing human being who has touched more lives than there are leaves on the tallest tree or scales on a butterfly’s wings.

“I’ll attach a line to myself,” I reply firmly, blinking.

“Is this some sort of revenge?” he demands. I make sure the outside cameras are recording, just in case, though I doubt that they’ll tell anyone much.

“Of course not,” I scoff. “What would be the point of that?” I begin checking that all of my pieces are in place and fastenings are sealed properly. Then I move into the entryway. Jack follows, running his hand through his hair in frustrated resignation and I close the inner door behind him to keep the warm air in. I clip a line to the back of my suit and secure the other end to the door. Then I pull on my gloves.

I’m ready. For a moment I avoid the eyes of the one who has been my constant companion for the last eight years. Ever since he ran into the neighbor’s burning house and didn’t come back out. How many times had I begged him in just such a fashion as this to think of me and the kids? How many times had I scolded him afterwards for his recklessness as I held his hand gratefully in relief? His courage and compassion for others had made me hate him sometimes. But to change it would have been to change him, and he wouldn’t have been the boy who saved me or the man I still loved.

He’d followed me to this lonely research station, far from home, a year later. Too far for unannounced visitors. So who was out there? The prospect of finding out made me feel a tingle in my chest and stomach for the first time in years. Excitement? Fear? I wasn’t sure.

I take a deep breath and blow it out, meeting that same open, desperate gaze from all those years ago. “Let’s go for a walk,” I whisper. I punch the airlock button and step out into space to meet our visitors.