Time is a Trip! Volume I

Submitted into Contest #100 in response to: Write a story where a meal or dinner goes horribly wrong.... view prompt


Fiction Funny Science Fiction

“Where do you want to go to eat?”

This wasn’t the first time my wife asked me this question. And if you’re married, it’s not the first time you’ve heard it. It’s been said that’s what marriage is really all about, two people who know how to answer that question each and every night.

Sharing food is what binds people together. It’s often the first date, later an engagement dinner, and what’s a wedding reception without food! Say what you want, cake and punch just don’t get it!

Interestingly, many have found the simple act of enjoying meals together with friends another casualty of this pandemic.

Despite the tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic, people can’t wait to get back out and break bread together. The real heroes of 2020 are doctors, nurses, and all the other frontline workers who have provided necessary services for the rest of us.

Most of us did our part by staying home and keeping safe. And that means solitary meals or virtual dinner parties. This has also led to a lot of extra time on people’s hands.

How did you use all your spare time? Finish all those incomplete projects? Others have used the time to learn new skills. That’s what I’ve done, I learned a new skill. But this is a skill unlike any you may have imagined!

As restrictions are loosened, it is a time of reflection. I’d like to reflect on how I survived the isolation with an amazing invention. Yes, dear readers, while many were learning computer coding or other skills, I learned something else. And it involved a dinner party when things really went bad.

We're talking about taking advantage of this time... with time, all the time in the world. How? By harnessing the power of imagination, I'm able to penetrate a barrier that exists both within and beyond the physical realm, time.

This gave me a chance to get together with others without having to worry about travel restrictions or other issues. By escaping to the past, I can do the impossible! For instance, have you ever gone to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time? Well, I can do much better. I recently ordered French Toast during the Renaissance…literally!

But what exactly is time? Here's one definition: "Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in an apparently irreversible succession from the past, through the present, into the future."

If that don't sound like a bunch of scientific mumbo jumbo, grits ain't grocery, eggs ain't poultry, and Mona Lisa was a man! 😜

You notice it says the "apparently irreversible succession... from past.to present into future." That definition doesn't take into consideration my cartoon-powered mind!

How does it work? By filling up with nutritious foods and lubricating joints, I can do wonders! It's important to clear out any germs or dirt as well. So, in other words, gotta "make sure to eat, stay hydrated and sanitized."👍🏽

What's the point of all of this detail? Why am I unveiling the secrets of time travel? Because it's a gift that we all can master. One that’s especially useful for Bible readers.

You see, we don't just want to read Biblical accounts, we want to feel them, live them. It's been said we want to see the sights, hear the sounds, and smell the aromas of the events. The events recorded in the Bible are well known, but what would it be like to actually be there?

We can do that with the power of our imagination. By fueling my brain cells with vitamin k from sunlight, (yes, solar power is important) I can rev this baby up, so it vibrates at such a speed that it moves!

And it moves not just in place, but in time! It makes a strange, whistling, gurgling, snorting sound as it accelerates. Some say it's annoying and doesn't let them sleep. But it's all in the name of science.

Sometimes, I'm interrupted by a shove or a poke in the ribs just as I'm getting started. My wife always says it wasn't that hard, but I don't know...I think she's trying to slow the progress of scientific research.

Anyway, this is the first of my many adventures into the past. As mentioned, this particular trip involves a meal with friends and strangers where things did not turn out as planned. In fact, it was a disaster, the end of an empire. Now, if that doesn’t get your mouth watering, I don’t know what will! Listen:

6/29 Captain’s log, Starday 100- this is a milestone, a hundred days since the govt order to “shelter in place” if possible! Without the ability to use my mixed-up mind to traverse time and space, who knows what terrors might have been unleashed. So, you’re welcome!

Anyway, ended up at another party. What can I say, I’m a popular guy? All this Time Travel Trip experience makes me the obvious hype man. So, if they’re pouring, I’m drinking!

Nearly 70 years have passed since my last stop, so needless to say, I had a lot of catching up to do. Seriously, I couldn’t remember whether “the Dougie” was ahead of its time or behind, so I settled on a favorite that’s always in style, the “Stanky Leg”!

Have you ever been to a boring dinner party? Folks get bored, spend more time looking at their sundials than at the dance floor. But it wasn’t just that the dancing was off, this party was dying. I mean they even ran out of guacamole dip! And then the DJ started replaying some of the same songs, and that’s never a good sign!

That’s when the king had a great idea, or so he thought. He ordered his servants to bring out the gold cups that his grandfather had taken from the Hebrew God’s temple. The pagan king and his guests drank from the cups and started praising their gods.

But this party was going nowhere, it was over. You could see the writing on the wall. Literally, a man’s hand appeared and began to write mysterious words on the wall of the dining hall!

When I said this party was over and that it was dying, that was no exaggeration. That handwriting on the wall was a message from God that Babylon was about to be overthrown. That night, the king and all his party people were killed!

I slipped out after Daniel had interpreted the writing but before the party crashers arrived. I’m my own designated driver in this time machine. Until next time, Chris out!

I’ve got lots more exciting adventures to share of my Time Travel Trips.

Be sure to come back. But right now, the wife and I have a serious problem to solve. “I don’t know, Honey, where do you want to eat?”

July 02, 2021 22:20

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