58 comments

Fiction Inspirational

Softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows as I drove onwards; turning of the handle in my car caused my wipers to flick the raindrops off my window. The skies are overhung with a blanket of grey, so much so that I can barely tell the difference between the sky and clouds. Despite car rides having the potential to feel tedious that is not the case for me, the rain commonly calms me. I watch raindrops race down. The occasional wave of a puddle can be exciting, especially when going through it. I can just picture it: I can picture the image of the water floating upwards like a tumultuous wave and crashing onto my car; whilst scattering hues of light. Watching it swirl, I was mesmerised; it felt like the movement of water was choreographing my thoughts. It was truly magical.

Coming to a halt, my eyes flickered to the signal ahead. It was of course red but no one else seemed to care. Well of course they didn’t. Why would they? Personally I don’t mind the traffic; since the beginning of time it has always been a loyal acquaintance to me. Why you may ask? Merely because it increased my hourly wages; because the more time the passenger sat in the car, the more they would have to pay me. Simple.

You have probably deduced my profession; wait sorry let me rephrase that: my ex profession. Yes you guessed it right; no don’t doubt yourself. I used to be a taxi driver in the streets on Manhattan. Oh those were the good old days before all of this happened. Right now it is like a plague of incessant torture and remorse. Frankly, unlike my other companions I did enjoy working as a Taxi driver. I remember a time when all my friends Bill, Tom, Sam and of course Zain (I could never forget Zain) did a riot since they weren’t being treated fairly by their company; nevertheless I was in a different company who weren’t all bad, therefore I had nothing to riot for.

Remembering the olden days –ps: I’m not that old- flooded sentimental memories into me; and it made me weep tears of joy. I can remember the car engine singing in the lonely countryside; it was just me and Belle. Oh I relished the roaring breeze that twirled in my long blonde hair and the wind whispered secrets in my ears. Oh how I missed all of our olden days.

I had to pay attention to the lights; I was the only one paying attention to them unsurprisingly. Beside me, I could see a woman in her near 20’s putting on more mascara. How much more does she need? I thought. If this was 20 years ago; I would’ve shouted across and would’ve told her to pay attention to the road. However, now if I did that I would be called a folly or maybe something worse. Who knows?   Nonetheless the point is that she can do whatever she wants to. She can file her nails, put her makeup on or even brush her hair. Nothing will happen to her. She can even use her phone whilst the car is still in motion and to a surprise the cops will not come.

20 years ago, this wasn’t the case but times have changed. Maybe for the best or maybe for the worst. Nevertheless, the fact is that times have changed and I consider myself to be a relatively old guy; so seeing adolescents on their phone whilst driving is simply infuriating. I have found that I can’t seem to adapt with the world around me; I feel like times are changing too quickly and an old guy like me can’t keep up. That’s why every morning I take my car for a little while; yes I know that change can be a good thing but I don’t want this change and that’s why I do what I do because I want to practice this skill till the end of my life.

The only reason why I need to practice my skill is because it has all been replaced; there is no use for a guy like me anymore. I never get calls from my work asking if I’m available for work or if I’m free to come down. I don’t hear these things anymore. Sometimes I feel like a burden in society because I don’t feel like I belong here and I know I shouldn’t be saying all this gibberish but unfortunately this is true.

Beside me, the girl has an AID-xx01-1278 model of the BMW car. Can you guess what the first 3 letters stand for? Take your time; no rush. They stand for: Artificial Intelligence Driven. So to put it into simple terms; the car next to me is being driven by a computer algorithm. It has sensors such as wind, rain or even heat. When sitting in one you don’t need to do anything; you can just relax and enjoy the ride. This car will take you to your destination in the shortest route possible so you don’t need to think about whether you make the right turn now or later; the computer will do it for you.

Yes there are moral issues with this; but no one cares about that as long as their being lazy and the company is worth around a trillion dollars; more or less. So they don’t care either. Technology has advanced and made us human’s idler. I know it’s not our fault but we must get one thing right: we must take care of our bodies because at the end of the day they are the things that will keep us alive. One staggering fact is around 10% of the world’s population have their own home, clean water and sanitation and access to good education. However, another staggering fact is that around 70% of the world has these Artificial Intelligence Driven cars. So technically, people have the money to buy these cars but not the money to provide education for their children. Oh what has the world come to?

Driving back home, the wind flopped my remaining hair to the side until it was at the tip of my eyebrows. Spreading far and wide, the lush grass went on for miles and miles. Getting speeds up to 100 miles per hour felt like a personal heaven. Reaching to the driveway of the house; I could see Belle and she came towards me.

“How are you feeling my dear” asked Belle.

“I think I’m getting too old for this world” I replied.

January 29, 2021 21:03

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58 comments

Michael Boquet
15:46 Feb 07, 2021

Fun story. A good example of speculative fiction done well. I like how you wrote your main character's voice. Thanks for the like. I hope you'll check out some more of my stories.

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Palak Shah
15:53 Feb 07, 2021

Thank you so much for your comment. Yes I will definitely check out some more of your stories. :))

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14:34 Feb 07, 2021

Awesome story, it made me feel like I was there! Great job!

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Palak Shah
14:54 Feb 07, 2021

Thank you :))

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15:06 Feb 07, 2021

No problem

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Palak Shah
15:55 Feb 07, 2021

:))

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16:03 Feb 07, 2021

Oh, yeah! If you want your story featured in my bio, you have to solve the riddle in my bio and comment on the answer in my newest story Betrayal.

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Palak Shah
22:51 Feb 07, 2021

Done it. Hopefully it is the right answer. :))

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Pratik Bhandari
14:49 Feb 06, 2021

amazingly written Palak

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Palak Shah
14:57 Feb 06, 2021

Thank you :))

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Interesting story, Palak! It fit the prompt perfectly and was a great reflection on what the future may look like. Your imagery of rain in the car, in the beginning, was realistic and beautifully described. It was creative how you added in small lines talking to the reader like, "Yes you guessed it right; no don’t doubt yourself." Also, your ending did a spectacular job of summarizing the entire story. As far as feedback, a few suggestions: ~ "Technology has advanced and made us human’s idler." 'human's' should be 'humans' ~“How are you fee...

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Palak Shah
18:46 Mar 09, 2021

Thank you so much for your feedback. I really appreciate you taking the time and reading my story. I will try to consider all of these things when writing my next story. ~Palak :))

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Zz Entwistle
14:44 Jul 29, 2021

A thought-provoking story about change. Great writing :)

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Palak Shah
20:43 Jul 29, 2021

Thank you so much for this amazing feedback :))

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Dhwani Jain
16:29 Jun 26, 2021

Wow! It was a sweet story, but sadly I couldn't find the humour in it. I believe that the paragraphs were a tad too long and if you would have divided them a bit, it would look better while reading. Rest, all's awesome! And yes, 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫

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Palak Shah
17:03 Jun 26, 2021

Oh okay, i will bear that in mind Thanks for the suggestion and thanks for reading my story :))

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Dhwani Jain
17:12 Jun 26, 2021

Welcome! I will wait for your feedback on my stories too!!!

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Palak Shah
17:29 Jun 26, 2021

Yh I will do it ASAP :))

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This was a very interesting approach! I loved the ending a lot! Made sense:)))

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Palak Shah
15:10 Apr 01, 2021

Thank you so much Varsha for the feedback :))

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Melanie Knapp
23:45 Feb 14, 2021

I like saying this story out loud with a bit of an accent.... it's a good story.. I like it's slower pace... and the nature the person sees... I would have liked to have seen more of the nature.. thanks MELANIE

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Palak Shah
12:34 Feb 15, 2021

Thanks Melanie for your feedback. I will bear that in mind when writing my next stories. Thanks for reading my story :))

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Philip Clayberg
00:49 Feb 12, 2021

Thank you for writing this story. It had its sad moments, but I think the ending is more hopeful than sad. Btw, the third-to-last paragraph reminds me of the lyrics to the Rush song, "Red Barchetta". And here are the editing remarks (feel free to disagree with them): caused my wipers to flick the raindrops off my window. [I would change "window" here to "windshield", because wipers are on windshields, not on windows. If you aren't American and prefer British vernacular instead, I would change "window" to "windscreen".] The skies are o...

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Palak Shah
14:24 Feb 12, 2021

Thank you so much for doing this. For my next story I have tried to get my punctuation right and hopefully that makes it better. Thanks for the time that you have put into this and this has helped me a lot :))

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Philip Clayberg
03:47 Feb 13, 2021

You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help. I'm sometimes afraid that I mention far too much in my editing comments and might annoy the writer. But when a writer like yourself is appreciative of my editing efforts, then I'm grateful for the help I gave and the time it took to read as thoroughly as possible. One day, though, I'd like to go back and read short stories just for the enjoyment. But the editor in my head would probably still interrupt and say, "Yeah, but see that? That can't be correct. And over there, that's the wrong word...

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Palak Shah
18:19 Feb 13, 2021

Yes I normally do write mine late at night and them I see so many punctuation mistakes and then I have to correct them over and over again. :))

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Philip Clayberg
21:51 Feb 13, 2021

I don't know how my mother does it. Maybe she just has a very good brain when it comes to grammar and punctuation. (She probably inherited it from her mother, who got a Ph.D in English and whose doctorate dissertation was on Shakespeare's plays.) Then again, maybe she usually doesn't write late at night and instead does it during the day when she's more awake and alert. Sometimes, though, she'll leave the editing of one of my transcriptions until the night before the translation is due at the client and she'll have to stay up really late...

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Estelle Westley
04:07 Feb 09, 2021

Very good story. I loved the main character and the flow. Easy reading so I could see everything. Great job.

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Palak Shah
09:36 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you so much for commenting :))

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Maci Currey
23:19 Jun 04, 2021

I really enjoyed this story, and your writing is amazing! You did a great job and I like the way you used the prompt! Excellent job! :) I have written a new story and I would greatly appreciate it if you could read it and leave me some feedback on it :)

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Palak Shah
10:46 Jun 05, 2021

Thanks Maci, I am coming over right now :))

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Francis Daisy
10:58 May 03, 2021

LOVE the POV! Your descriptions are so vivid! PS - thank you for liking my stories too!

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Palak Shah
11:56 May 03, 2021

No problem, thanks for reading my story and sharing your feedback :))

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Zahra Daya
02:16 Feb 09, 2021

A pretty cool idea for a story! I do think the idea you had in mind was brilliant, however, there are some things that could be improved on. All constructive criticism to help you out :) 1. Pay attention to the tense. You switched in a couple paragraphs where it wasn't meant to be switched. 2. Proofread for grammar and punctuation errors. I found quite a lot here. 3. Maybe try to come up with an actual plot - I felt as though this was more of an opening to a story rather than a stand-alone story. Nothing really significant happened to allow...

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Palak Shah
09:39 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you for your feedback. I will pay attention to these details such as my spelling, punctuation and grammar. I feel like I should consider this a draft and write a story that has more going on in it. Your critique has been very helpful to me and I write try and improve in these areas. :))

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Zahra Daya
14:58 Feb 09, 2021

Yay! I'm glad I could be of help and yes this is an amazing first draft then :) Also, if you get a minute, I'd love it if you could look at some of my previous stories and leave feedback! - Your friend, Zahra :)

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Palak Shah
15:15 Feb 09, 2021

Of course I will :))

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Godwin Kirimi
23:59 Feb 08, 2021

wow. the transition was wonderful. Haha i hope you ain't as old though

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Palak Shah
09:39 Feb 09, 2021

I hope I am not also :)) Thank you for your comment.

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19:46 Feb 08, 2021

This is amazing! I love the detail.

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Palak Shah
09:46 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you :))

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J R
17:00 Feb 08, 2021

This is a very good story! Great plot, good exposition. I do have some suggestions because you asked; I think it felt pretty raw, like a draft. Nothing a little editing can’t fix, but for instance, phrases like “Did a riot” and “flooded sentimental memories into me” sound awkward. A simple change to “rioting” and “flooding me with sentimental memories” would help it sound natural. I would also edit punctuation throughout the story to be grammatically and/or colloquially correct, and indicate pauses where they would naturally go. But overall,...

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Palak Shah
09:36 Feb 09, 2021

Oh okay I wholeheartedly agree with you . I feel like I should've read it better and added in these details. Additionally, I will focus on the minute detail such as my grammar and punctuation. Thank you so much for your feedback and it wonderful seeing your comment and your critique has really helped me to improve my work overall. :))

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Frances Reine
16:32 Feb 08, 2021

I wasn't sure which story to start with but I settled on the latest one. This is like looking through a foggy window after you've smeared it with your sleeve. A rare feeling. The voice is definitely there--a shining point that's difficult to do. Love it. Some critique: -the rain commonly calms me--> is a bit of a mouthful because "commonly" and "calms" is pulped together. -the last bundle of paragraphs are a little overly informative. "They stand for: Artificial Intelligence Driven. So to put it into simple terms; the car next to me is b...

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Palak Shah
09:31 Feb 09, 2021

Yes I understand your point of view. Now that I think about it I understand why this can be seen as confusing. The line 'the rain commonly calms me' - was used to be an alliteration nevertheless it is a mouthful and not pleasant to read. Thank you so much for your honest feedback. It was wonderful that you did this and the critique was perfect and I will try and make my writing much better next time. Thank you so much for your time in reading my work.

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Frances Reine
13:11 Feb 09, 2021

Of course--I love reading short stories :) Thanks for greeting the critique with open arms. You're a wonderful writer and I can't wait to see the new worlds you shape with your words.

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Palak Shah
13:19 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you so much for all your help :))

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Frances Reine
13:20 Feb 09, 2021

Anytime :)

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Beth Connor
16:26 Feb 08, 2021

Great story! I could really relate to your main character (and that makes me feel old lol!) The story had good pacing and was very engaging. There were a few spots where a phrase was repeated. The best advice I ever got was to read your stories out loud to catch those spots. Well done.

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Palak Shah
20:59 Feb 08, 2021

Yes I will definitely do that next time. Thank you so much for reading my story and giving me this feedback :))

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It was a good story. I like how you described the sky at the beginning. It paints a great picture in your head. I always try to see myself in stories, and that is accomplished by descriptive words. Great job!

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Palak Shah
09:46 Feb 09, 2021

Thank you so much for your feedback :))

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no problem! :-)

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Gerald Daniels
20:54 Feb 07, 2021

Great story. I feel the main character has so much more to say, perhaps delve more into his thoughts and explain the reasons why he feels so at odds with technology and progress? Good characterisation, I really felt quite sympathetic towards him.

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Palak Shah
22:58 Feb 07, 2021

Yes same I also feel very sympathetic towards him. Thank you so much for your feedback; it was wonderful and yes I will try to delve deeper into my character thoughts in my next stories. :))

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