Nature's thorn

I need to pretend dead! I need to pretend dead!

I was screaming again and again in my mind, willing my body to act on it. But it wouldn't. All common sense left me, giving way to fear.

"Nikki, we just have to go!"

"I don't know. It's not my thing."

"How can you say that? You saw so many documentaries, read so many books about nature, animals."

"You're exaggerating."

Faster! Faster! My instincts were shouting, overshadowing the lonely thought in my mind: I need to pretend dead... Willing my legs to run faster, my lungs - expand better, my heart - pump more efficiently.

"Don't you want to experience it yourself? See it with your own eyes? Everything that you know now is the findings and experiences of others. Everything that you saw was the pictures, chosen by others."

My friends' screams were ringing in my ears. Together with rapid beats of my own heart. I was gasping for air, too afraid to even blink. No sound escaped from my parted lips.

I could feel it getting closer. Over the screams, hearing its breathing, the fallen sticks breaking under its weight.

I push my body forward with all my might, feeling slowly it giving up. It was harder and harder to ignore the burning in my chest and muscles. Even the adrenalin, rushing in my veins, could do so much.

"It is your passion!"

I could almost feel its hard breathing on my back. Making me whimper. It is so close...

I need to pretend dead! I need to pretend dead!

My shaking legs could bend at any minute.

"It could be a life-changing experience!"

I need to pretend dead! I need to pretend dead!

"Not everything - there is, is pretty. Many beauties hide dangerous thorns."

My foot slipped, and tired legs finally gave up. I fell forward, landing on my knees and hands, scratching them hard on the soft ground of the forest. Some tears escaped from my wet cheeks landing in the mud.

I tried to get up. To run again. But there was no strength left.

"It's worth some risks!"

My heart spasmed from fear. A fire erupted in me, igniting my whole body. I felt like I was suffocating. The shaking hands crushed against my chest, and I fell face down on the ground. Gasping for air. Trying like fish on the land to swallow even the smallest gulp.

The screams of my friends slowly died in the louder and louder buzzing in my ears.

"Some things are better left for the books and films."

I felt light-headed. My body was paralyzed. The darkness slowly started to gather at the corners of my teary eyes. It was like I was sinking. The sight of green grass getting smaller and smaller giving way to the darkness. Soon I couldn't see anything.

"Many people go and return safe and sound."

And in my clouded mind, my body, disconnected from the surrounding world, was left with just one thought: I need to pretend dead!..

... till it was also silenced.

***

The first thing I heard was a birds' song, waking me from my slumber. I was still buried in the darkness, but different senses flew to me. I felt the soft wind caressing my damp cheeks, burning in my palms and knees. I could taste the dryness in my mouth. And with the aromas of flowers and other plants of forest fauna, I could smell the metallic stench in the air...

Suddenly the memories, one after another, returned to me. My body jolted from fear, muscles contracting, ready to flee. But my eyes just won't open.

Is it still here?

Did it leave me?

Am I safe?

Shaking from fear, I shrank in a fetal position. Making myself smaller. Defending my front with tangled arms and legs. Afraid that the whole world could hear my fast-beating heart. And listening... listening...

Without the joyful song of birds and the quiet rustling of plants, there were just no other sounds...

Gathering all my courage, I finally opened my eyes. The light slowly returned to me, giving me clear lines and colors to my surroundings. I saw the green leaves dancing together by the wind's set rhythm. Saw white clouds slowly swimming in the endless blue sky. And I also saw the brightest rays of the sun, managing to get even to the depths of the forest, reaching me.

I didn't see it.

My breath became shallower as I was getting ready to sit up. Part of me screamed to just stay... wait for help. But I knew that help won't come. They weren't aware that someone needed it.

Dark thoughts clouded my mind as I put my palms firmly on the ground: I will run into it again... It will tear me apart... with its claws, its teeth… mass...

I shifted my body into a sitting position. It felt unsafe, like being exposed, creating the fear-driven pictures to appear in my mind: it jumping on me... its heavy paws crushing my bones as it pins me to the ground. Sharp claws sinking in and tearing my skin open with the blood rushing through my open wounds. Finally, roaring so the whole forest would hear it and moving its massive head with surprising speed, sinking its teeth in my neck, taking my life...

The despair and dread of death sank its fingers in my body, choking the life out of me. My shoulders started trembling, I wrapped my hands around my chest. It felt like, at any given minute, my body will break into a thousand small pieces. I was freezing even though a sticky sweat was running down my face and back. Finally, from the deepest depths of my being came a strangled whimper. Soon, another followed...

I started choking on my tears, bile rose, and I didn't even feel how I was crouching over my digested breakfast. It left an awful taste in my mouth, but I felt better. I could no more smell or taste the iron.

A couple of minutes, I was looking astonished at the view before me. My mind became empty. At that moment I forgot my fear, my friends and the danger...

 It was... It was disgusting.

And in a strange way calming. I felt how the claws of panic slowly letting go of me and was being replaced by... nothing? Calmness?

I didn't feel calm... I felt empty. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing... Just a soulless stare set at my vomit.

After some time, I finally came out of this stupor. Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to turn my gaze away, pushed my body up with a lot more strength and determination than before, standing on wobbly legs.

I could get out of here. The end of the journey was not too far away before it happened.

I moved, putting my right foot forward. Then went left. Right. Left...

All the time, looking at my feet, my sight pinned to the ground. I was afraid to raise my eyes and see what happened, what was left from my friends. Maybe I owned them. To see how it ended, to remember it... but I had no strength to face it. And yet, in the back of my head, I knew...

A couple of steps away, just passing one or two trees, the grass was painted in red. Just a couple of drops on its emerald glory.

I felt dizzy. The content of my empty stomach rising again, but this time not making it out, leaving just the bad taste and burning behind, creating the hardness in my chest. Cold chills ran down my body. For a couple of seconds, I felt like I was going to faint again.

Don't see... Don't think... Don't imagine...

Breathing heavy, I moved forward. My eyes never wandering to the sides. Not even the slightest. I didn't let myself find out to whom this blood belonged. Which of my friends was lying near my path... How he or she met his/her doom?.. Was there something of him or her left?..

No, I concentrated on other thoughts. Actually just one, but describing all my needs and wants at the moment: I want to go home.

Dragging my legs, I repeated again and again: I want to go home. I saw with open eyes in the passing green grass the faces of my parents, the cozy interior of my place. It gave me the strength to move on.

The journey wasn't easy. Every time I heard something move, some strange sound, I crouch myself in the small ball, hiding my face in my knees and praying to all the gods that I know. It was every time a huge struggle to get up and to again continue the journey. Every time I needed to concur my fears, wants, and illusions. But the hope of returning there always won.

The tiredness started to possess my body, not letting me ignore the pain in my legs, emotions still asleep, but boiling somewhere inside, waiting to break me. But I pushed forward... 

Suddenly I heard somewhere far away a consistent buzzing. It was a foreign sound to the soft voices of nature. It felt so artificial.

Hope anew bloomed in my chest. My breath quickened. I didn't even felt how I started running. All pain and tiredness have been forgotten in the second. Clumsily, ignoring the sticks scratching my hands and knees, even drawing blood.

I knew I heard humans! I heard the sounds of the city!

Tears streamed down my face, a smile shortly appearing on my face. The trees were getting rarer and rarer, giving me a better view. I saw the camp! With people leisurely going about their day.

Finally... Finally! Finally home!

I ran into the clearing, drawing everyone's attention, and fell on my knees. They were confused till the scream erupted from my lungs: "Bear!"