“Howdy ya do, partner?” said the old homeless man off the side of the road.
“I’m fine, thank you. Now scram. You disgust me.” Said the twenty five year old billionaire sitting in his very own special limo.
“Can I please have one small donation? I am very poor and could really use just a dollar.
“Not in a million years. Now please go away and deal with your terrible life.” He said as he drove away, rolling up his window while putting his five hundred dollar sunglasses on his tan face.
I walked off the road and sat down next to my black and white fluffy husky.
“We're never gonna make it out of here are we bud?” I said to Rufus,while scratching the fluff of his neck.
“Or maybe we will be able to make it out. But we're gonna need help. And lots of it.” I thought to myself.
Later that day I went around the neighborhood collecting all of the homeless people around. We all gathered in a big group and I showed them my plan.
Everybody thought that it was a great plan and that we should get started today except for Jimbo.
All thirty nine of us started to get mad at Jimbo so we all told him to leave.
He ran away from the group crying on the way there.
“You better run!” I yelled to him as he was running away.
Well that just made him cry even more but nobody cared for him anyways.
We got to work on my plan and surprisingly we got about one eighth of it done one the first day.
I called everyone over in a huddle and told them that we were going to try and finish the rocket by tomorrow.
I headed to my big tent and crawled into my sleeping bag. Rufus slept on a big pile of cotton that I gathered from the cotton field.
I was awakened by the sound of a chunk of metal banging onto another.
I crawled out of the tent to find Jimbo breaking down the first part of the rocket.
I ran over to him and yelled at him for destroying our beautiful masterpiece.
Well that woke up everyone in the group and when they all saw Jimbo they had the same exact thought as me.
“Breakfast time!” I yelled.
I got back to my tent and opened my microwave burrito and put it in my new microwave.
When I say “new” I mean one that I found on the side of the road, half squished.
It still worked though, but we all had to take turns using the piece of junk.
After we ate we all got back to the rocket. It was totally destroyed now that Jimbo jumped on it with his fat body.
We got to work fixing it but when we were in the middle of it it all fell over.
Parts of it went flying and one big chunk of metal hit a car and broke through the window and hit the driver.
It knocked him unconscious so his hands were off the wheel. He went flying and crashed into another.
Chunks of the car went flying everywhere, and I ducked down so I wouldn’t get hit by one of the pieces.
A couple minutes later we were surrounded by cops and firetrucks.
All of them were staring at me, like I was the criminal or something.
Days and days went by and the people kept staring. I knew that something was up.
When the rocket was finished we all got in the forty seater giant rocket made out of the stuff we found at the dumpster.
10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2...there was a knock on the door of the ship.
We turned off all the controls and I hopped out to see what was going on.
“We have a warrant for your arrest Jack Wojhowski” Said the cops at the door.
“W-w-why?”
“You are being arrested for causing a car crash on Bumble road.” The cops said in unison.
“Nooooooo!” I ran into the ship but the cops stopped me before I could get away.
“Fly guys! Fly away!” I said to the crew as it took off.
The cops put me in their car and drove away. I saw that we were driving towards Juvie, not jail because I am only sixteen.
When I got there they pulled me around with my handcuffs which not to be rude or anything, it HURTS!
We walked by other kids' jail cells and each of them said what crime they committed and what age they did it.
One of them read:Broke into a candy shop for a lollipop of his own. Age:6
When they got to my cell they threw me in like I was dead or something.
The doors shut so loudly, I felt like it almost made my ears blow up.
I slowly got up and sat on my bed.
I looked at the tv which only had kids cartoons on it. I was a fan of anime but it was better than nothing.
A couple hours later the cops pulled all of us out and had us eat lunch.
For lunch we had mashed potatoes and peas.
To me, this meal was gourmet because living as a homeless man you didn’t really have great meals.
I asked if I could have a second serving but they said no.
“One meal is all you get. And you deal with it.” said the large cook.
I looked around for extra food and finally found a basket of raisins.
I grabbed five boxes and shoved them in my pockets.
We went back to the jail cells after everyone ate. We had to go through security so they made sure nobody stole anything.
When I went through they caught me with the raisins in my pocket.
“Hand 'em over,kid. enough is enough.
Enough is enough. Enough is enough. Enough is enough.
Those words kept playing in my mind like an old tape from the nineteen nineties.
My mom used to say that to me when I was a kid before..well you know.
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6 comments
A good story here. “Howdy ya do" - could either be - howdy - or - How d'you do - or - how d'ya do - you need to check the spelling for which one you wanted. We walked by other kids' jail cells and each of them said what crime they committed and what age they did it. Was there a notice on the door of each cell? If so then this needs to be put into your story. Just one or two errors but overall a very good and readable story. Well done.
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Thank you for the feedback! I will go ahead and fix those errors on my story. _Breckin N ;)
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Thank you for the feedback! I will go ahead and make those edits on my story! -Breckin ;D
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This was a good story. There wasn't much conflict though, because it's about a homeless man working with a group of other homeless people trying to build a rocket. Where do they get the pieces of metal from? Does it really only take a few days to build a rocket by hand with only forty people? Why didn't the cops arrest him right then and there instead of waiting a few days and just staring at him? I noticed a lot of those in your book. Small things that need to be explained because they're important to the story. Also, you said "Well that w...
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Please give me feedback on my story!
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I am sorry but my story already got approved so I can't edit it. _Breckin N ;)
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