The Alien And His Lover

THE ALIEN AND HIS LOVER

         He emerged out of the ocean naked, yet without having neither posterior or frontier. He carried a spear from which fire came forth, and he had a helmet on his head. His four fingers were skinny, and so was his long, pretty, green neck. His feet each had one big toe and that’s all. He stood on the beach firmly. He spoke a language that sounded part lion part dolphin and part cockney. I couldn’t look away at the horrifying sight. Was I afraid? No. I was in love.

         I used to always believe in true love, yet I had secretly believed that it would never be something in which I would be aquatinted with, However, that changed as soon as I saw him. If you could call it a him. I knew immediately that we were meant for each other. No, we are DESTINED to be together.

         Suddenly the love of my life, began to talk English. “Why did you shoot down my ship into a pile of H2O?!?” He yelled, brandishing his spear. “You had no reason to do so! I was flying in perfectly acceptable airspace as my and your government’s formerly agreed upon. WHO shot me down!?!”

         Everyone had stopped in shock. This tall, green, four fingered being spoke English? Furthermore, it was a real, live, talking alien? Everyone was shocked. Now I don’t know about anyone else, but that made him seem so cool to me.

         Suddenly two men in black wearing clunky, metal bracelets appeared out of nowhere, next to the alien. “Excuse us folks, we are in the middle of recording a live magic show in Sussex.” One of the men said. The other quickly put a metal ring on the wrist of the alien before it could object. I saw that they began to disappear feet first.

         “My love!” I cried out, jumping quickly into the arms of the alien who was so surprised he actually caught me. This just goes to prove what a hunk he truly is.

          Everything went dark, then twisty and inside out, and I couldn’t breath, and then, oh thank goodness! I was back on my feet inside a room where another man in black was leaning on a table near the door.

         “Hey what’s the big idea, arresting me like that?” A voice asked from my throat. Wait, what?

         “You showed yourself to the public. That’s against the rules little spaceman.” The man at the table said. He seemed to be the leader. Meanwhile the other two men in black took off their bracelets and mine (mine!?) and gave them to their Leader.

         “I was only there because someone shot down my ship over a pile of your H2O!” my voice again spoke up. But it wasn’t really my voice. It was the alien’s voice. I stared at my hands. They were the alien’s hands! I felt my neck. It was long like the alien’s! I looked down. I had no private parts! I was inside of the alien! Yet somehow the alien was still in control over his words.

         “What are you doing?” asked the Leader.

         “Bad Transfer.” The Alien said.

         “What do you mean?” the Leader asked.

         “Oh, you mean that crazy woman that attacked you while we were on our way here…is she…inside of you?” one of the other two men asked. I was insulted.

The Leader sighed and pressed a button on one of the metal bracelets. Suddenly I felt a pull, a tug, and then a yank! And there I was, standing next to my beloved. I instantly hugged the alien and said, “I don’t care what they say or what they think, I will always love you my darling.”

“My name is not darling, it is Hack (he kind of spit as he was saying it). In English anyway.” The alien said.

“Oh great, not another fan.” Sighed the other of the two men who had arrested the alien Hack.

“I think the word you are looking for is fanatic.” The Leader said. He cleared his throat. “So your space ship was shot down? We’ll look into it. In the meantime you will have to stay on earth, dressed as a citizen of this country.”

“What about this crazy woman?” Hack asked, trying to get unstuck from the tight grip of me. After all, I couldn’t let him go and get experimented on or something weird like that.

“She is part of your cover up Hack. She will be your wife until the investigation is over with and you can get your spaceship shipshape.” The Leader responded, smirking.

“Oh darling don’t be so troublesome. We are engaged now aren’t we?” I asked hopefully, fluttering my eyelashes. The alien sighed.

***

Later that night the alien and I were driven to a little house in the countryside. It was beautiful. Just like I had dreamed it would be. The alien wore a bodysuit that disguised him as a male human being. I forgave him for hiding himself in this way. A man (or alien), shouldn’t have to feel like they have to hide their good looks.

As soon as we got there, my husband went up the stairs, into the attic, and onto the roof. If there’s one thing an Alien can’t get enough of, it’s the stars. Of course, I went with him.

I lay down beside Hack and together we stared at the stars. Eventually I looked over at him, intending to make a dirty joke, when I noticed he was crying. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I miss home.” He whispered.

That stopped me in my tracks. It was heaven to be married to my one and only true love (even though technically there was no real marriage or license), but at the same time keeping someone all to yourself isn’t love at all. It’s just hate. Like how I hate to be without my love. But I love my alien more than I hate being alone. So…I guess I should fess up and let him go.

"Hack.” I said. “I have a confession to make.”

He sighed. “What is it?”

“I work for the CIA and I have an EMP in my possession at all times, in case it needs to be used on the nation’s grid or a car or something like that, for American interests of course. And I couldn’t help but see your spaceship flying over the water. I wanted to see you so I pointed the EMP device in your direction and made you crash land your spaceship into the ocean. And when you stepped out of the ocean…I just lost it. I was sorry I caused your ship to fall into the ocean. I fell in love with you. I wanted to make you happy forever. But, I think the best way I can make you happy is to let you go back home. To the stars. The men in black will find your spaceship by tomorrow, I’m sure of that, and they have the alien technology to unfry it too. You can leave tomorrow night. What do you think?”

Hack had listened quietly without saying a word. There was a long pause. Finally I just couldn’t bear it any longer and I said “Are you mad at me?”

Hack turned his head to stare at me and frowned. “No. I am the one to blame. EMP’s don’t harm my ship although I can tell when they are used against it. When that EMP first shot out, I quickly sent a beam back to the owner of the device. A beam that would impress upon the human brain undying love and loyalty to me. My ship did not crash. It can go into the water and be fine. I only crawled out of my ship and came up out of the water because I wanted to find out who had shot the EMP at me. I didn’t expect the men in black to come so quickly though. I shouldn’t have used the Love Beam on you. I’m sorry.

I couldn’t believe it. This perfect love, this once in a lifetime, no! It couldn’t be true! Could it? Was it all just a feeling? Just a bunch of neurotransmitters in my brain being manipulated by a mere light bulb? Ok ok, a light beam. But still…

“Well,” I began nervously, looking back at the stars. ”I guess we both are to blame.”

“Yeah” Hack agreed, staring at the stars too. “I guess we are.”