Three Fools, A Wizard and a Lieutenant

Submitted into Contest #76 in response to: Write a story told exclusively through dialogue.... view prompt

4 comments

Adventure Fantasy Fiction

“SHUT UP!”

“What a fool!” “Who does she think she is?” “Why is she standing on the table like that?”

“Another word from any of you and I’ll show you true screaming, and it won't be coming from me.” 

“...”

“You realize that we all lost, right?”

“...”

“What can we possibly gain? Are you really going to send your soldiers to count how many of their comrades died? To settle this? Is that really what you are going to do?”

“...”

“What is the point? We all lost. This obsession is going to be our downfall. Your people will rebel against you, their leaders, because we cost them a complete family. A father, food, a son, safety. Freedom. All gone or in shambles because we couldn't decide on who won?”

“This is war! We all lost! In this very room, the three of you have destroyed many lives-”

“You are just a woman-”

“No, sir. I’m a soldier, a lieutenant, a comrade. I am here on behalf of the fallen. And I say to you all the people I have killed, the Diameries, the Nusmores, the Lieberatas, all of them? They were all innocent, they were, as I, trying to kill to save and protect their country. They didn’t know how the war started. They didn’t know what they were fighting for or why. They just knew if they lost, their homes will be ruined.”

“...”

“That isn’t fair! And clearly, you are all too inept to-”

“Hey, listen here!” “What’s your problem, women?” “You have crossed the line, stupid girl.”

“Silence!”

“Might Zor?” “Sir, whatever do you mean?” “We are just putting the wench in her palace, your greatness.”

“No need for formalities and the woman- the lieutenant has made a far more wise argument than the lot of you.”

“But sir!” “You can’t be serious!” “Why would you say such a thing!”

“You kings and majesties feel that war is the only answer?”

“Of course!” “Quite obviously!” “It's the only way.”

“Hmm, figure you fools only agree on bloodshed.”

“What was that, oh wise one?” “We couldn't hear you, sir!” “Please repeat your words.”

“Rose, you may sit. I have a proposition for the Kings amongst us.”

“Yes, thy wise wizard.”

“Here, if you are all so intent on bloodshed then here’s this. Each of your graces will send a son, or daughter, to The Arena. Whoever survives and wins will be declared the winner, and their country will win the war according to the terms set.”

“You must be mad!” “This is outrageous!” “Why, sir! I have but only one meek, weak daughter!”

“How is this outrageous? The concept of sending your beloved family to the door of death for the sake of their country? Is that not what you guys were planning to do?”

“...” “...” “...”

“Well? Is that a no? Should we go back to negotiating?”

“Baah! Doesn’t matter, my son is sure to win!” “I suppose it’s the only logical way to proceed” “I beg of you, my daughter is sickly and weak at heart…”

“Would you rather stand in her place, King Mared?”

“...I suppose it is the only way…”

“...coward...”

“What was that, you wench?” “Did you say something, girl?” “Don’t be foolish women and shut your trap.”

“I called you a coward, King Mared of Jahrek.”

“My!” “What a brute!” “Listen here-”

“Don’t raise your hand, King Mared. King Alexie of Diam and King Jorton of Nusmore, you are excused. Pick one of your children and prepare for the trial among all trails. A trail to test, bravery, intelligence, swiftness, strength, loyalty, honor, and wisdom.”

“Alright, sir. I bid you a good night.” “I wish you good health, your excellency.” “I’ll be on my way to p-”

“Not you, King Mared. You will stay for a little while.”

“...yes, your honor. Will the vile wench stay too?”

“The wench is a close confidant of mine. And she will be treated with respect.”

“Yes, oh wise magical one. Why have you called me back?”

“A word of advice, will you heed it if I speak it onto you?”

“Oh, yes, my savior!”

“Do not underestimate your daughter. For she possesses more power than you know.” 

“But sir-!”

“Silence.”

“Alright, oh godly one! I’ll part with you here… and I'll prepare my daughter, Princess Meira, for the trial.”

“Finally, the fool left.”

“Rose, do not be harsh on him. He is a simple-minded fool.”

“Eli-”

“Do not speak my name on these grounds, young one.”

“Of course, forgive my neglect...but Princess Meira. Is she really the one? The chosen one?”

“Yes, my dear child, you are the chosen one.”

“It would have been nice to have known in advance.”

“I don’t communicate with the gods, they speak to others through me. I’m simply a vessel that contains a fraction of their full glory.”

“...”

“You should hurry on home. Get your dragon and go! Or else your father will beat you home.”

“To tell me of my sure death?”

“Make sure to cry, it amuses me so when the old geezer squirms.”

“As you wish, oh goodly one.”

“Begone princess! You have a trail to train for!”

...

"Why! Princess Meira is quite stunning! We all had low expectations but the wise King Mared has been hiding a secret weapon! Who knew?!"

"Indeed Pattrick, all the spectators can see as they cheer on that Meira has been using the guise of defenseless and vulnerability to surprise attack and dominate the trails!"

"Quite right, you are Vera- as the smallest and only girl in the trial we all thought she'd be the first one down!"

"Even the audience!"

"Yes, indeed, my dear, the initial days the stands were empty for the sweet princess but now she has the biggest and most supportive fanbase of them all!"

"She is absolutely going to win!"

"Don't you find it odd, and hear me out spectators, that despite having the opportunity to kill both of the princes she has not done so so far?"

"Patrick, according to the crowd's cheers, they agree with your speculation. Is Meira holding back on us? Is she as soft as she and herself seem? Or is she planning something different altogether? Stay on your toes, Diameries, the Nusmores, the Lieberatas! This trial has only truly begun!"

January 09, 2021 18:04

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4 comments

Michael Adekanle
05:03 Jan 21, 2021

This Story is really interesting !!! I actually enjoyed reading it !!! The only slight error there is about the communication medium between the characters. At first it was difficult to tell which character was speaking. Let the audience know who speaking so that they can all good with the flow. Other than, this is a brilliant story !!! Kept it up, Champ !!!

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Carole Cobos
18:25 Jan 21, 2021

:D , thanks for critiquing my work! I read yours, it was very good. hit me right in the feels

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Michael Boquet
06:09 Jan 17, 2021

I love your title. The strongest thing about your story is that it makes me want to know more about the fantasy world and the situations the characters find themselves in. This is obviously just the dialogue (as per the prompt) but it made me want to read the prose too, so that I could take in the whole story. My critique is, it was hard to tell who was speaking. Especially in the paragraphs where you had multiple sentences in separate quotes. I think it would have helped to format the story like a script. That's how I tackled this prompt....

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Carole Cobos
18:16 Jan 17, 2021

Aww, that's sweet. I was afraid that formatting the story as a script will break the flow. But I understand that I, as the writer, know everything that is going on so of course, my readers would struggle. Next time I'll be more considerate of that :D I appreciate your taking the time to critique my work. And you piqued my interest in your story, I'll be sure to check it out. Please stay safe, C.C

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