The Brazilian Carnival Celebrities

My Mystical Creature, Coos Bay Bear, the hybrid dog-bear-mystery, looked sideways at me, dark eyes twinkling.

He loved time traveling to the past. "Good boy," I said, petting his dark fur.

"Could we use our creativity and time travel to knit together the wounded threads of the past and find our way to a sense of wonder, peace and joy?"

"Could visiting the past help transform the painful things into something else?"

"Could the outer journeys of time travel heal inner wounds that still stung? Betrayals, rejections, a loss of wonder and joy?"

The weight of the troubled world and past experiences grew lighter. Our visits to the past awakened insights. We did not seek to change the past. but to experience it and learn from it.

My goals in time travel were to discover insights and transcend the troubled world, finding peace, love and joy. The outer journeys we made to the past helped me with my inner journeys of transformation. I was learning how to rise above the troubled world.

When we hovered in time travel over my childhood home in the countryside, the closeness to animals and nature brought a sense of wonder back to me.

My normal present time called to me now to return.

I focused my time travel essence. We started to whirl very slowly. My energy was like a battery.

I was not sure if we could return all the way. We might need to make a stop in another era, rest up, then go the rest of the way.

The fields below, and the puffy clouds of the midwestern U.S.

countryside began to fade. It looked like watercolors blending. Coos Bay Bear snuggled against me. We curled around each other.

Space and time dissolved, and the spirals of the eras labyrinth drew us through smoothly.

Expanses of blue meeting blue began to appear through the time eras. There were layers of images and light.

From the Era-Verse I saw the ocean stretching to the horizon, mountains, red tile roofs, and white stucco buildings with arches. When we hovered closer I saw a small airport not far from a beach.

I recognized it as Santa Barbara on the California central coast. Resting a little I relaxed my focus.

Looking down I saw myself in the early 1990’s standing next to my soulmate, Frank, outside the airport, as a plane landed.

Coos and I floated above the clouds watching. I remembered the visit I had with my father, when he and his friends arrived from Brazil, South America, after I had seen him only once before during the past 17 years.

Almost two decades ago my father had left the country with his new wife after divorcing my mother. He left and disappeared.

He visited one weekend and there was parental arguing.

I stayed away during their arguing and did not see him before he left. I never heard from him for 17 years after that.

I felt abandoned, rejected, betrayed, and worthless. "What was wrong with me? Why didn't my own father care about me? How could he do that?"

I said to myself "I will vow never to abandon anyone. And to take care of others." It was the beginning of my career in healthcare where it was a mission to me and never about money.

Adding to the issues, my mother took her anger out on me. I had my father's green eyes, creativity, and his high-spirited personality.

Every time she looked at me she was reminded of him. "You're like your father," she said. Knowing he had abandoned me I tried hard not to hurt others the way he hurt me.

I did find happiness in life, but the old memories were always a sensitive spot.

I also feared I would turn out like my parents. What if I inherited something bad in my personality from them. Weren't they always at war with each other?

But this worked positively, because I tried hard to avoid being like them, blazing my own trail, and finding paths of caring, peace, happines,s and fulfilling activities.

After the 17-year absence, my father contacted me. He was a different person after the passage of time and his experiences. A second marriage also ended with drama, heartbreak, and with another flight from that family too.

He said he was simply not made for marriage and family life, but he would like to be friends. Would I please just call him by his first name, "Jack?"

I forgave him, feeling he was a very troubled person with problems, and I was ready to move forward.

We had a meeting and he was a new person. We all change and he was much better. I believed the bad marriage had driven him to become something he never wanted to be. He had voiced sincere apologies.

Forgiveness gave me freedom from the past but there were still some lingering effects.

Now he was coming for a second visit, flying after living part of the year in Brazil with his wife from Sao Paulo and their friend from Buenos Aires.

"Maybe I could ease those lingering feelings that still troubled me by continuing to build my relationship again with my father. I was not a reject after all. He was coming a long way to visit me a second time."

From the time travel universe I looked down at the scene that took place decades earlier when he came to visit again.

Below I could see my sweet soulmate husband, Frank, smiling with his eyes, while my self 40 years ago was standing in front of the picturesque Spanish style, Santa Barbara airport terminal. The two figures stood in front of the airport's white stucco, arches and a red tile roof, watching the plane land that was bringing our special cargo from Brazil.

It brought back memories. Frank’s solo practice psychiatric office was closed for vacation now, and we were feeling limp and tired after overworking ourselves to help with life and death crises with the patients.

Now, watching from the time travel Era-Verse, I saw the plane’s stairs lowered. Three figures burst out of the door and come down the stairs, waving. My father, his wife and their friend. Who all lived in South America now.

They looked bright and energetic, and several days of overnight rest stops, between flights, must have renewed their batteries.

Linking arms, Jack, Luiza and Maria danced toward us like three characters on the yellow brick road arriving at Emerald City. Behind them the plane sunbathed under the Santa Barbara sky. They did not have Toto, but they looked like three happy, Wizard of Oz characters.

From above I watched as Frank and my younger self squeezed each other’s hands, eyes locking, and shared their bubbling mood. Then everyone floated together into hugs and laughter.“Hello Kristina,” came Luiza’s lilting Portuguese Brazilian as we hugged.

“My dear Kristina,” now Maria Haydaee’sdeeper voiced Buenos Aires, Argentinean accent as she kissed both sides of my face.

“You’re looking beautiful, Kristine,” came the voice of my father, who preferred me to use his first name, Jack.

“Kristine,” he had explained at an earlier visit, “I don’t feel like anyone’s father, please just call me Jack.”

These veterans of Brazils’ wild Carnival knew how to let their feelings loose – no one was reserved here.

Spinning slowly above and watching, I push the silver hair out of my face and feel like a mere 40-year-old, again, although it has been decades.

I live in another world now, the cool, green, Oregon coast rainforest.

But watching the scene unfold below I can feel the hot, dry Santa Barbara summer air, and see the world shining under that sun.

The first time Jack visited, after the 17-year hiatus, he had not seen me since I was in the local Milk Day Queen Contest near Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, after my senior year.

There were other shadows of events hovering deep inside my mind, but I let those evaporate and focused on the dawn of a new relationship with him.

Sixteen years later, when we got in touch again, his letters told me about the years in Africa and South America, and his round the world trip.

His new career, after my folks divorced, was just right for someone who loved to travel, and he partied, danced, and explored to his heart’s content. He had left the country when my parents divorced, making a clean break.

No longer triggered into episodes of alcohol and rage, after leaving the bad marriage he and my mother roller-coasted through, he was a different person now.

After my first year at the University, my mother and I went to explore California and we settled in Santa Barbara.

I could see Jack now from a multi-faceted view, round, like a character in a novel, with many sides. And I could forgive him and let go of those old shadows.

When we met him at the airport in 1990, I was also glad that he had been doing things he loved during the past years.

Gathering my thoughts of the past, I returned to remembering the day he landed with his coconspirators of fun at the Santa Barbara airport.

Coos Bay Bear and still watch from above in the Era-Verse and I see the visitors wait with my darling, sweet Frank for their luggage, while my younger self from 1990 goes to get the rented vehicle from the parking lot.

I remember ours was getting repaired, so we had decided our guests would travel in style. After all, they had come over 6,000 miles from South America to visit.

Below I see the car pulling up, two American Flags inserted into the sides of the hood, standing tall, fluttered as I drove the rented, two tone, 4 door, new Lincoln Continental Town car up to the airport sidewalk. The guests below burst into new explosions of merriment when they saw the car.

I feel glad the Time Travel went off course and brought us to this surprise, as Coos and I watch the events below.

“Kristina, I feel like the president of the United States,” said Marie Haydee smiling as she looked at the car.

“Good Lord,” said Jack.“I liiiiiiiiike it.” His green Irish eyes looked lazy but sparkled at the same time.

“OK, Babe, let’s go” I see my husband say, his lovely brown eyes still going straight to my heart after all these years, remembering his beautiful singer’s voice like a caress.

The scene continues to unfold and I am enjoying this time travel visit where I can feel those happy times again.

The three visitors from the world of Oz bubble away in the back seat.

The car drives out of the parking lot, with the eyes on it of those whom it passes.

I remember we felt like ambassadors from exotic countries, arriving on top secret government business. Those fluttering flags gave all of us new personalities. Our regular selves were eclipsed by the humor of the picture we knew we made driving around like this. We could not help acting silly.

It all comes back to me now. We laughed and felt like foreign dignitaries arriving with those flags proudly waving. We pretended to be someone else and it began to feel it was coming true.

Who should we be?Ambassadors? Political leaders having a summitt meeting? Owners of movie studios?Aha! Celebrities from the world famous Brazilian Carnival – even wilder than the New Orlean Mardi Gras.

On the California Central Coast, 1990, colorful, wild clothing and accessories fit the carnival theme.

Luiza, Maria and I wore sunglasses and exited the car, wearing our colorful outfits, wearing heels, laughing at ourselves, saying, Chiao to each other.

On a typical day my outfit was mandarin orange jumpsuit made of parachute material, with a 2 inch wide, matching belt at the waist, open toe beige heels with bows across the toes, and a jaunty white derby hat with one side rolled up, my long hair spilled down the back. Enormous gold rose petal spiral earrings were clipped on my ears.

Marie Haydee loved my outfit so she bought the same jumpsuit in aqua, also with a wide belt, high heels, accented with gigantic sunglasses. We were twins.

Luiza, a little more subtle, wore a denim dirndl skirt with a red bandana style blouse, also with the requisite wide belt, huge hoop earrings, heels and big sunglasses.

Jack wore his bright yellow terrycloth shirt and my darling Frank looked like a dream in his bright red, western style shirt, hand tooled leather belt with a silver buckle, jeans, and western boots.

We were in a Brazilian mood – that Carnival feeling. We greeted everyone saying, “Caio!”

Maria and Luiza told us about the Samba Clubs who prepare all year to dance in the Carnivals, in Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro and Buenos Aires. The elaborate costumes and expressive dances told stories.

Jack and Maria Luiza wowed everyone with their dancing at one of the local nightclubs.

We partied, and ate, and shopped and had espressos every day in the mid-afternoon. I felt transformed, like an exotic flower from the Amazon, blooming.

I was able to love, understand and forgive this figure of both storms and sunlight from my past, too.

For ten days we each were someone else, as Frank and I gave them a tour of the California central coast. Frank and I left the cares and worries behind, and acquired new facets to ourselves that would help us in our work.

Later, the patients loved it when we told them about our visit from the Brazilians. We all need to get out of our usual routine sometimes and let loose.

During the visit, we settled on being Brazilian celebrities instead of our usual selves, driving around in the long Lincoln Town car with the tall poles holding the American flags fluttering on each side of the hood, touring California.

We behaved like Tango and Samba dancing Brazilians, freer with our emotional expressions, more affectionate in public, more animated, more alive, leaving the American reserve behind.

When I got my older, 2 door car back, after the guests left, Frank and I laughed as we got into it. It was us again. But we still felt we were soaring aloft – and we had learned how to be more like Brazilians at Carnival. From now on, at heart, we would always still be Brazilian Carnival celebrities.

The painful memories of the betrayal by my father had softened and transformed. People change. Healing spread through me. The old tension was replaced by the new feelings.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Time travel is full of epic adventures that transform us. This unexpected stop in our time travel today may have happened for a reason.

I would let go of some memories from the past, but I would keep the ‘Brazilian Carnival Celebrities.

Now in the Era-Verse I hugged my Mystical Creature Coos Bay Bear and said to him, “Caio!”

Old feelings of joy were awakened again by visiting these past experiences.

I thought, "It feels like I am rising above the weight of the troubled world, while still feeling empathy and a desire to reach out to others who are suffering. What can I do to help them transcend this turbulent world?"

I vowed to keep searching for more answers.

Coos opened his mouth in a wide grinning angle, wiggled his eyebrows at me, and spun his ears like windmills. An azure glow formed around us and The Spell of the Blue Light enveloped us in a vision of home.

We began whirling slowly and entered the ages of the Era-Verse to go the rest of the way back to our time.

As Coos and I wrapped ourselves together he looked at me.A voice like the breeze on the Oregon coast came from him and said, “Caio!”