Valentine v Cupid

Kate stared at the woman opposite. The blonde hair looked stylish and the make-up was perfect. Her eyes assessed the slim figure, chic in a little black dress, sharp heels and the latest jacket. She looked so sassy that Kate couldn’t believe she was seeing her own reflection in her bedroom mirror. She spun around to view her rear.

 Wow! She was going to stun everyone, and just wait till James saw her! Kate had wanted this improvement for so long, but it had taken the catalyst of James’ defection to start the process. Now, when she looked back, she could understand why he’d gone. Her weight had gradually ballooned to sixteen stone, and she’d never bothered about wearing make-up or fashionable clothes. She knew she ought to slim down, though she’d always thought love was more than skin deep. But there, that was a man for you; fickle, all of them, and only interested in the superficial things of life.

Then she remembered his rugged handsomeness and toned body, and sighed with longing. Did that make her fickle too?

 Her anger at his betrayal had been enough to prompt the transformation process, and once started, she couldn’t stop. The result was standing before her in the mirror, and she knew she would never go back to her old ways.

 Right, enough delving into the past. Though she was honest enough to admit that she missed James, it was time to explore the future. However, she would be like Cinders - late for the ball - if she didn’t get a move on.

 The invitation was to a friend’s Valentine’s Ball-cum-house-warming party. Ellie, the friend in question, and her husband Tom had bought a large old Victorian villa standing in its own grounds and had invested a lot of time and money in doing it up. Kate, who was training for a new career in interior design, had helped with the soft furnishings and accessories in the lounge and couldn’t wait to see the finished product. To top it all, Ellie had said Tom would invite his friend Bruce, a colleague from work who had just joined his firm and didn’t know anyone in the area.      Apparently he was unattached, and Ellie was going to introduce him to Kate. Ellie had also invited James, just for her friend’s benefit; now Kate’s stomach was alive with butterflies at the thought of seeing him again. Secretly, she hoped that, in the romantic setting of a Valentine’s Ball, maybe Cupid would find a way to re-unite them.

 At the ball, Kate was gratified to see the heads turn in her direction. The men’s glances were admiring, the women’s were not.

Ellie giggled. “You’re causing quite a stir, Kate! Can’t say I’m surprised. You look fantastic! Come on, I’ll introduce you to Bruce, you can’t let James see you without a man! Just, er, don’t expect too much, will you?”

 The room seemed packed with guests, but Kate caught glimpses of a man standing alone at the far side of the room. Hold on! Did she say man? He was a Greek God, tall, sun-tanned and handsome. Was this Bruce? He seemed too good to be true!

Unfortunately, he was.

 “Kate, I’d like you to meet Bruce Weedler. Bruce, this is Kate Smith.”

Kate looked with disbelief from the Greek God to Ellie, then from Ellie to a small, ginger-haired man. She could only stare at him in consternation. Oh, no, she had never liked ginger hair, after an unfortunate experience with a first date!

“Oh, hello.” Kate managed at last. She grabbed her friend’s arm as she moved away. “Ellie!” she whispered fiercely into her friend’s ear. “What about the Greek God?”

Kate nodded viciously in his direction.

 “Oh, him!” said Ellie, amused. “I think that’s his partner over there.”

 She pointed to a small, slim man wearing a pink flowered shirt who was busy at the drinks table.

 Kate smiled weakly. “Just my luck.” she muttered.

 “Pardon?” piped up Bruce.

 Kate remembered her manners. “I said, I’m dying for, er, a look - at Ellie’s new house!” she finished triumphantly.

 “Oh, yes.” said Bruce. “Well, if this room is anything to go by, the rest of the house ought to be wonderful. Ellie and Tom must have had a top stylist in.”

 Kate found herself warming to Bruce.

 “Really?” she smiled.

 “Yes, it’s been nicely decorated. That wallpaper is great, and I love the chandeliers. Someone’s got excellent taste - except for the curtains and cushions, of course.”

 Kate, who had begun to purr, stopped abruptly. “What?”

 Bruce, who had no premonitions of impending doom, continued.

 “Well, look at the colours. They just don’t harmonize with anything, in fact, they actually fight with the rest of the colour scheme. They must have been chosen by a myopic schizophrenic.”

 “Is that so.” hissed Kate, who was, by now, spoiling for a punch-up herself. “Well, let me tell you, you wouldn’t know a real stylist if one stepped on you and wiped you off her shoes. And, furthermore, talking of clashing colours, never wear a lilac shirt with carroty hair. They fight!”

 She could feel Bruce, mouth gaping, staring after her as she swept through the mass of guests, looking for Ellie.

 Kate poured her woes into Ellie’s sympathetic ear as she was shown around the rest of the house. They had reached the large hall when Ellie was called away to the telephone. Kate seized the chance to rest her aching feet, unused to the wearing of tottering stilettos. Grabbing a glass of bubbly off a passing waiter, she sank onto a convenient sofa and closed her eyes with a blissful sigh.

 “Kate? Kate, ish that really you?”

 Kate stared. In front of her stood James, but vastly different from the man she remembered. What’s more, she thought with dismay, he’s drunk!

 James, lurching on his feet in various directions, peered at Kate, as though she were a dinosaur in a zoo.

 “Wow! You’ve changed a bit, haven’t you? Wha’ happened? You were so fat!”

 “Thank you, James.”

 “An’ have you done some’ing to your hair?”

 “You were always observant,” Kate’s voice could have sliced ice.

 “Don’t reckon much to all that slap you’ve got on your face.”

 He bent over for a closer look, his eyes squinting with the effort of trying to focus. Suddenly he lost his balance and fell slap bang on top of Kate. In the ensuing struggle for survival, Kate realised she was well and truly over her ex. Especially when he said, “Just like old times, eh, Kate?” as he lay there, wobbling gently. Because though Kate had lost weight, James had patently put it on.

 In the event, she was saved from a fate worse than death by Bruce, who was fortuitously on his way to the bathroom. He took in the situation with a glance, and, with surprising strength, unceremoniously hauled James to his feet, who then tottered off in search of more liquid refreshment.

 Kate thanked Bruce, who looked embarrassed.

 “By the way,” added Kate. “Did I say how much I love the colour red?”

 Me, fickle? she thought. No way!