Revenge of the turtles

One day tommy forgot to wear his helmet. Kaboom. A big sound. He hit his stupid little head on the pavement. That’s what happens when you don’t wear your helmet. Bad, bad things happen. He could’ve died. Not the wisest lad. Not the sharpest pencil in the barn. Not the sharpest tool in the shed as smashmouth might say.

gee shrek is a great film isn’t it? I love that big lovable green oaf, and that flying talking donkey. Hot diggity.

timmys couldn’t remember the name of the film though. That’s how bad his head was. He should’ve worn his helmet. But guess what. He didn’t. His mom wondered if she should take him to the doctor. But then she imagined how wonderful her life would be without Timmy. He was pretty annoying, always asking her questions and asking for food. She wondered if she should just leave him there, pretend she never even saw any of it happen.

Timmy’s father was it of the picture, hw went to get a pack of cigs and didn’t make it back. Another victim of abandonment. Like a pinnochio with termites sitting in the cold dark rain (some imagery huh?).

timmy wondered to this day where his pop was. (This part of the story is inspired when my own pops left me :( but that’s a story for another day). Stupid pops was probably not buying cigs after all. Who knows what he was doing. Probably smoking doobies with some strippers or sumtin like that. Who knows. Not Timmy. He didn’t know. :(

then suddenly 😱

a big loud bam! Timmy pop pop kicked down the door with a big ol bottle of jack in his paws. Listen kiddo I’m sorry I was way but I had to get the getting while the getting was good my kiddo. I went west in search of gold! And I found it in the bottom of a bottle. Where’s yo momma? I got her a keychain in good ol Mexico of a little turtle, you think she’ll take me back ;) ;) put in a good word for your pop would ya?

timmy thought about this for a moment. Why should I ya dum ass asked Timmy defiantly. It was the first time he’d ever defied his father 😱

what did you say to me ya little shit asked his pop angrily

i said why should I put in a good word for your dumb ass ahahahahahahahahaha

His pops was stunned! “I go away for five years to get some cigs and this is the shit I come back to?”

oh wait sorry guys I forgot Timmy had hurt his head. I have to reincorporate that into the plot. One second.

“ow! My headsie!” Said Timmy. He had hurt his head in the pavement but then pops suddenly came back home in an unexpected turn of events. At that very moment Timmy’s mom walked in. What’s going on here?! She exclaimed. Why are you back here Theodore? I though you left me for that stripper Aquasha?

”you though wrong baby girl” said pops. “I think we just getting cigarettes.”

”then why did it take five years to come home?!”

”the line was very long. Now come sit on the old disco stick.”

“okay!” Timmy watched with interest as his mother climbed onto the disco stick. I wonder if I’ll get a little brother or something!

and guess what? He did get a little brother. Only when the baby came out nine months later it didn’t look anything like Timmy.

🧕🏼 “Hi Timmy I’m your brother”

then why don’t you look anything like me asked Timmy.

the baby spoke in a clear deep voice “I was born in a sewer and raised by the teenage mutant ninja turtles 🐢. My dad says I need to “come out of my shell”

”well I reckon you should crawl right back in because I’m the only child!” Timmy refused to share the spotlight with some dumb butt turtle.

im here to stay stepbrother. Do they call you that because you step on turtles? I came here to avenge my family. Remember your pet from 6th grade? The TUrtle YOU FOROT TO FEED?! How do you like it when I steal all your hamburgers and stuff!?! timmothy was shooken at the declaration.

timmy was terrified and regretted ever upsetting the turtle. He didn’t know turtles could come to life and seek revenge on innocent little boys like him. Had he known he wouldn’t have done the turtle dirty. But how did his mom even give birth to a turtle. He didn’t want to think about such a disgusting bc thing and decided to think about other things. Or maybe his dad was part turtle. That’s the only rational explanation for why his mother gave birth to a turtle. Looking back on it, he remember his mother remarking at the pet store how hot the turtles were looking. Mmm look at that hard hard shell. He recalls her saying that once. He didn’t think much of it at the time but now looking back on it his mom did indeed have a thing for turtles.

so I guess we really are brothers said Timmy, his head still hurting from the fall.

“you know you should really wear a helmet from now on,” said his turtle brother

“but helmets are for nerds” said Timmy.

“but look at me,” said his turtle brother. “I was born with a helmet on his back. And I’m still pretty coo” huh?@

timmy thought about it 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

you know what, said Timmy. You’re right. You are a pretty cool turtle and I wanna be just like you. I’m glad we’re brothers. I’m glad my mom fucks turtles.

the two brothers embraced each other 👦🏻🐢

”let’s be brother forever. But more than brothers. Best friends.”

a small tear emerged from the turtles eye. “Really Timmy?”

“really turtle.”

the two boys decided to watch shrek together. A bonding moment.

The end :)