The Houseguest

Percival Smart, Percy for short, had a lifelong interest in Robotics and AI. Not in the same sense that Mrs. Agatha Brown, two doors down, had a passion for award-winning roses, which she tended daily and had memorized all the names of. Percy’s interest couldn’t be described in terms of rose cultivation.

If Percy’s interest in Robotics and AI could be defined in terms of mountain climbing, he had climbed Mount Everest more times than Sir Edmund Hilary had done in all the mountain climbing realities and dreams this famous man had ever had while alive.

As a young child, Percy played with toy robots. By the age of ten, he had made his own kitset robots, and by age twelve, he had made the kit sets himself. He had watched every robot and AI movie ever made, including those of the horror genre, and had a collection of most of their toy versions. He regularly watched one or other of his movies in his in-house cinema room.

Percy lived alone in a palatial home left to him by his deceased parents. He had never married. No one he met could fathom or even remotely understand the heights of his ambitions in his field of expertise.

The hallway of his parent’s home had numerous display cases throughout the vast hallways and sitting rooms holding his robotic replicas. From Flash Gordon’s Annihlatons, C-3PO from Star Wars, his mate R2 D2, the Fix-Its Bots from Batteries not Included, the ensemble of colorful robots from the movie Robots, Transformer’s Bumblebee and his mates, plus their enemies the Decepticons, CHOMPS the robo-dog, to every other replica robo-cyborg creation, Percy possessed the penultimate collection.

Pictures and posters adorned the walls, all in the same genre. The large mural in the foyer had Asimov’s three rules of Robotics for all to see.

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

Forever one for quirky ideas, he had bought a genuine suit of armor and placed it inside his front door. He wired it to greet guests and stretch out its arms to receive their hats, coats, and jackets. It was a novel coat stand, if not disturbing.

His sideline business was formed because he preferred his snacks in the shape of robots. Over the decades, many robot-loving children have grown up snacking on his robot-shaped bickies in space-age flavors such as Mars bars, chocolate moon drops, and mercury melts. His robot crackers, chocolate bars, robot cakes, sweets, and robotic memorabilia are also hugely popular. His best robot kit sets are manufactured and sold on-site as well. The business made him his first million by the age of sixteen.

Percival Smart’s Emporium, including the factory where his delicious goodies are baked and packaged, has become more famous than Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. The difference is that Percy’s is real. Children wanted tours, and rather than employ Oompa Loompas from Loompa-land, he hired a team of vertically challenged individuals dressed in a unique style of robot suit, which he designed himself. This was not because Percy loved children. But he remembered what it was like to be a child with an avid interest in such things and could see the business opportunities.

For his job, he works at Epic Games with the engineering and design teams for the game Fortnight; he works on character, level and systems design, and gameplay and is a walking textbook of the current jargon and acronym usage for the game. As a player, he’s ‘cracked’ and sought after for team play. Naturally, his avatar skin is OG (first of its kind)

Due to his success, almost up with Tim Sweeney, the founder and CEO of Epic Games, except more popular locally due to his snack factory, Percy has been invited to be the first to sample and test run the first lifelike AI. The selection process included a questionnaire on the topic. Naturally, Percy knew every answer.

The general AI is a home edition. It reportedly can manage a household, be a companion like a butler, play chess and card games if required, and pass for a human. Percy can still run his business and go to work. Still, he will check in via phone to ascertain if instructions are being completed in a timely fashion during the day until his return. Percy’s job is to monitor and report his experiences and conclusions. He will also get feedback from his gardener and cleaning lady, who come once a week and have been told there is a houseguest. Their feedback will be invaluable. Can the AI pass himself off as human?

He had put locks on the doors to his cinema and TV room. He did not want the general AI to see anything that portrayed humans as violent, either in fantasy or reality. The science behind AI development had advanced to the point where Percy verged into a state of caution. Sci-fi has often portrayed sentient robotic or AI life as intelligent enough to conclude that humans are a danger to themselves and need elimination for the planet’s good. Prevention is better than the cure. This works both ways.

On the day Percy’s houseguest arrived, he rose early and ensured everything had been cleaned from his home’s highest to lowest point. He checked the spare room had fresh flowers and that the newly installed charging dock was set up in the walk-in wardrobe and easily accessible. The cleaner had been told to not bother with the houseguest’s room while he stayed. She needn’t wonder why the bed remained unused.

The delivery van pulled up outside his property. Percy opened the gate remotely, the van drove to the house, and Percy opened his front door. The driver and his helper placed a rectangular box upright in the foyer, as its arrow indicated.

“Goodness, sir. That’s a heavy box. Hope there isn’t a dead body inside.”

“I believe if it was dead, you would be placing it down like a coffin,” said Percy.

The men looked at him quizzically, accepted his signature, and almost tripped over each other as they retreated.

Percy used his foil knife to carefully cut the tape sealing the box. Soon, it stood open, and the polystyrene packaging chips were binned. Percy sat down and read the instruction manual.

Finally, he took out his new toy. This was no Rosie Jetson. A young man, Percy’s height, with tanned features, blond hair, and an athletic build, stood before him, his eyes shut.

Percy knew how to activate him. He shook the man’s right hand. “How do you do, Adam.”

Adam opened his brown eyes, smiled slightly, and blinked. “A pleasure to meet you.”

“My name is Percy Smart and you are my new butler and . . .”

“A pleasure, Master Percy.”

“Let me show you around,” said Percy.

He gave Adam a guided tour and explained why Adam had his own room, a private place to recharge, about the two other people who enter the home, and that Adam had to simply behave like a human.

“I have been programmed to be humanlike.”

“Yes, but a human never speaks of being programmed.”

“Ah! I will create the illusion of being a human by simply being myself and not explaining.”

“Correct.”

Adam was in awe of Percy’s robotic toy collection. He introduced himself to Percy’s robotic vacuum cleaner, which chirped and beeped in response.

“As my butler, you will greet me each morning, make my coffee, prepare breakfast, and prepare a meal for when I return home. We are stocked up at the moment, but if you want to write a reminder note of anything you need on a weekly basis, I’ll order it online and bring it home after work. I trust you know how to do the washing. I’ve shown you where the laundry is.”

“No problem. Do you have a TV?”

“The TV room and cinema room are out of bounds, sorry. But feel free to read any book in the library at eye level down. The higher books are not suitable.”

“Is that because they are adult books? I am an adult, Master Percy.”

“Er, no. They are just not suitable. There are plenty of others. You may want to have a look now, as I want to play Fortnight.”

“Fortnight? Sir, I am not programmed to play that game. Would you prefer to play chess?”

“No. I like Fortnight. Some of my best ideas for work come while I’m playing.”

“So, this is work you have brought home?”

“Mm, I suppose in a way it is. At twelve p.m. could you please bring me a cup of tea and the pizza in the fridge, heated up, for my lunch. Thanks, Adam.”

Adam functioned independently and didn’t need prompting. At six p.m., a delicious potato-topped meat and vegetable pie with the perfect amount of seasoning was served for Percy’s dinner at the table.

“This is yummy,” Percy said. “Though I don’t normally eat at the table. I normally watch TV at this time.”

“It isn’t good to watch TV while you eat, Master Percy. It’s terrible for your digestion. As you have a guest – “

“You are not actually my guest, Adam.”

“But you want your cleaner and gardener to believe this.”

“Can you explain to me, Adam, why your creators made you so good-looking? More like a surfer than a butler.”

“There is a gigolo version as well. I’m not that.”

“I have no need for a gigolo. I’m a male.”

“As am I – at least in appearance.”

“Let’s not go there, shall we?”

“Master Percy. Do you have a girlfriend? Most young men have a female friend or friends.”

“I am not most young men.”

***

After a week of having Adam there, Percy asked him how his week had gone.

Adam looked thoughtful. “Are you happy with my performance?”

“Yes, very happy.”

“Well, I am not happy with yours, Master Percy.”

Percy spluttered on his cup of tea. “What do you mean?”

“For someone who works on the game, Fortnight, at work all day, you do an incessant amount of work at home in the evenings. It’s not healthy to do this every night and on the weekends. You have a gym room. You need to use it. You need to go to bed earlier. I am telling you this for your own good. Your health will suffer. I must not, by inaction, allow you to harm yourself.”

Percy couldn’t pretend he didn’t understand completely where Adam was coming from with his tactless advice. “But, Adam, humans don’t quote from the laws of robotics in their interactions.”

“Only you know the truth. I’m stating the facts. I work for you.”

“Well, I haven’t checked out what the gardener and the cleaner think of you yet.”

“Your cleaner thinks I’m human. On Wednesday, I read a book in the sun, and she brought me a glass of water.”

“Did you ask for it?”

“No, I didn’t drink it, but she thought I did.”

“That isn’t definitive.”

“It was what she did when she put it down that convinced me.”

“Convinced you of what?”

Adam looked coy, fluttered his eyelashes, and played with his hair.

Percy frowned. “Ew! Don’t look at me like that.”

“That’s what she did. She believes I’m a human . . . unless you told her I’m the gigolo edition.”

“No way! Let’s just say I believe you. Let’s drop the subject.”

“I want to suggest something. Next Saturday night, do something different. Organize a date for yourself, I’ll serve a lovely meal, and afterward, watch a movie in your cinema with her. Behave like a normal human for a change.”

“That’s rich, coming from you! I’ll think about it.”

“I already have, master Percy. View it as another test for me.”

“I suppose if you put it that way . . .”

***

Percy tossed and turned in bed that night, wondering how to get out of inviting someone. There was a cute little blond girl at his work. It suddenly dawned on him. She had done the eye-fluttering, hair-playing thing when he used the printer the other day while she waited to use it after him. “Goodness, I’m turning into Adam.” He shook his head and shuddered.

The next day, he caught her alone in the coffee room. “Brenda, I’d love to invite you over for a meal and movie at my place this Saturday unless you have other plans.” He reasoned a pretty girl like her would already have a date lined up.

Her eyes opened wide. “Yes, please, Percy. I’d love that. Where do you live? I don’t have a car – “

“Don’t worry. Give me your address, and I’ll pick you up. We won’t be entirely alone. My butler Adam will cook dinner. I’ll have time to get you.”

“How super. A butler.”

***

That evening, Percy told Adam about his date night coming together. “Brenda said, ‘Yes.’”

“Well done, Master Percy. What movie will you watch?”

“I have no idea. Most of mine won’t be suitable. They’re sci-fi and about robots, AIs, and androids.”

“I know the perfect one. It’s called Passengers. It’s a chick flick with an android and small-scale robotics. I’m sure Miss Brenda will enjoy it.”

“Mm. It came out several years ago. I remember it. Didn’t see it as a chick flick.”

“Maybe because you are not a ‘chick.’”

“How did you know about it?”

“The information from some AI and Android movies is part of my programming. Passengers is one of them. The Android co-star did such a good job.”

Percy considered another AI movie with the little boy who lost his mother. It portrayed planned obsolescence and improper disposal of the same, a darker side of humans. Surely, Adam hadn’t had his program filled with such negativity.

Percy had bad nerves about the impending date night, so he woke up and worked out in the gym each morning before heading to work. Adam praised him. It seemed that the AI had taken charge, and the human obeyed—for his own good, of course.

Adam reminded Percy to buy a bunch of flowers for Brenda when he picked her up.

“Are you sure you’re a butler and not a gigolo, Adam?”

“Whatever are you talking about?”

***

Brenda was in awe of Percy’s home. She almost jumped out of her skin when the suit of armor spoke.

“Greetings.” Both arms extended. “Hang your coat here.”

She giggled after she realized it wasn’t haunted by some past warrior’s ghost.

She loved Percy’s collectibles. “I love these. You’re really into them. I guess one day you’ll have some kids to play with them.”

Percy cleared his throat. “Actually, they’re not toys, as such.”

Brenda giggled. “I know. Boys and their toys. I thought your Tesla was your toy!”

Percy looked at Adam, who came to the door to greet their guest. Percy had yet to learn what Brenda meant.

Adam clearly did. “Small boys, small toys. Big boys, bigger family car-sized toys.”

Brenda smiled and nodded. “Hello, Adam.”

Percy swallowed and said nothing. His Tesla hadn’t been bought with a family in mind.

Adam served them some white wine with their meal. The braised lamb and gravy, with vegetables and mashed potato, followed by blancmange with fruit salad and cream, was perfect.

Brenda loved the movie. She cried at the end, so Adam brought her a box of tissues, as Percy didn’t know what to do.

“I’ll be fine,” said Brenda. “Its such a cool movie.”

Percy stared at her. It seemed a strange thing to say after all the tears.

He offered to take her home.

Adam offered to make them both some hot chocolate to have first.

***

When Percy returned, he looked at Adam in disbelief. “She kissed my cheek before she went in.”

“This was a date, Master Percy. How did it go?”

Percy glowered. “I’m glad you were here. You seem to understand women better than I do. I don’t think I want to do that again.”

“Surely, this is just the beginning. Brenda seems to like you.”

“Good grief, Adam. She’s already talking about children and a family.”

“I believe I mentioned the word ‘family’ about the car.”

“Yes. What was that all about?”

“It’s a saying for car enthusiasts. Many men are passionate about their cars. Just as passionate as little boys are about their toy trucks and cars.”

“So, you mean that I never grew up because I still love my replica robots?”

“I don’t believe your robots are comparable to toy trucks and cars.”

“Thank heavens for that! Though here I am arguing with an AI like he’s a human!”

“That’s praise indeed, Master Percy. You are treating me like a human. After all, humans argue and fight a lot.”

Percy stared at Adam and smiled. He shook his head. “Sometimes, I don’t understand human behavior.”

“Isn’t that my line, sir?” said Adam.

“Say, Adam. Let’s talk tomorrow after we’ve both slept. Or at least after we’ve both recharged. I’m tired.”

Percy thought about how his life had changed with Adam around. Adam knew more about people than Percy himself did, and he had been teaching Percy to be more human. This was such a humbling realization. It seemed that the Adam experiment had been a huge success.

The End