The Teacher And The Reflection

The Teacher And The Reflection

1674 words 

Today I watched myself in the mirror, I saw the reflection of a teacher giving a speech to a rowdy class. It was boring. 

Into the box of VHS tapes I dove, tossing "Lonesome Dove," and grabbing the tape with the specific sounds I needed. I stuffed the tape in my vcr, fast forwarding and rewinding until I had the goods taped and added to my presentation.

Then I found a piece of foam and some gray material. In moments it had transformed into a believable fin. I glued on some Velcro straps, and attached it to my head.

Oh yes, language, science, biology and math in one easy lesson, I smiled a toothy grin at my reflection, and pressed play.

"Da...da.  DA DA, Dadadadadaada" And my fin appeared where my reflection had been a moment before.

I looked into the mirror again, and pressed my intro music.

"DA da ...da...da dadadadada"

I popped into the mirror, a crazy eighth grade teacher with a homemade foam shark fin on my head, and I started.

"We have heard of sharks smelling blood in the ocean from miles away, but science tells us we can smell smells in the air better than sharks can smell blood in water." I took off the fin. "You're going to have to stay with me, for this whole thing to make scents. Pun intended." And I laughed at myself, noticing a tiny piece of spinach on my incisor, and I frowned at my doppelganger in the mirror. I picked the spinach off and wiped it on a napkin.

"A shark can detect smelt decay odor at one part per million, but humans are capable of detecting smelt "decay" at five parts per trillion. Yep, trillion. (Smelt is an odiferous, quickly decaying, oily, herring type fish.) You'd know if you smelt it."

I hesitated in case I got a laugh and continued.

 "After inhaling a fragrance, we remember who was with us, what we breathed in, what time of year and day it was, what we whiffed, and why we smelt the smelt in the first place.  Since we homo sapiens can identify around a trillion different aromas, this is pretty spectacular."

My reflection smiled.

"In addition to these amazing facts, females smell better than males. No, they don't smell better, they are evolved with a keener olfactory system, which makes them smell better, (discern the bouquet, ) at a fainter level."

My reflection smiled and nodded that I should continue.

"Just to confuse things a bit more when it comes to figuring out a fragrance, our capacities change, and what our cultures view as pleasant, or unpleasant in the whiffing department. "

No laughs, but no tomatoes thrown at me either.

"For instance, a pregnant woman will often have problems pertaining to her increased body functions, including the olfactory system, leading to nausea, and vomiting, then postpartum brings the sniffing back to a lower level."

It was a great time to switch it up.

"By the way, in English language, smell is one of a handful of words that is both a noun, and a verb and can be used in either form together. Here's some examples."

"Look at that look he wears.it doesn't look good"

Oh my God! I was on a roll.

"Taste runs differently when deciding how the wine might taste."

"Sound off when you hear the sound of the bell."

"Feel the way the velvet can feel on your skin."

It was corny, but I was killing it.

"See all the sights you can see in Seattle."

I had speeded up my points and that wasn't good. Too much, too fast.  Now I had to slow it down. down.

I took a breath and pointed to the white board on the easel by the window, just within the mirror's vision. 

I flipped a page on the easel.

"There are at least 81 synonyms and dozens of related words to use in place of the word smell. "Sew,"asks Merriam-Webster, an expert on such things, or perhaps I just thought so."

I flipped another page, and smiled at myself.

"Meanwhile, back at our nose, there are plenty of ways to explain an individual's unique way of breathing in information through the nasal passages, read on."

I called upon my imaginary students to read my bullets, pointing at each bullet with a red laser light.

"Connor?" The blonde kid read slowly. He butchered the first two lines.

"#Anosmia -- no sense of smell"

"#Cacosmia -- inappropriate perception of vile odors, including coprosma (smelling feces) and necrosmia (the smell of death)".

Bonnie read better, but didn't seem to understand what she had just read.

Carol did, however, and was having the gags.

"Sam, your turn."

"#Dysosmia -- any impairment of the sense of smell, but this term is usually used to describe distortions of smell such as Cacosmia,Parosmia, Phantosmia, Heterosmia, and Olfactory Agnosia (inability to interpret, classify, or contrast odors, despite being able to detect odors)"

"Go on." I told him. Sam was very bright.

"#Heterosmia - Inability to distinguish between certain odors,"

"Alice, your turn." I said patiently.

"#Hyperosmia -- overly acute sense of smell."

"Go again," I pointed at the empty chair.

"#Hyposmia -- diminished sense of smell."

"Continue," I said with a chuckle.

"#Normosmia -- normal sense of smell." She read.

"I'll finish," and I read off

"#Parosmia -- distorted sense of smell." I coughed and read out loud

"#Phantosmia -- olfactory hallucinations."

I stopped and shook my head at myself.

"I had normosmia, but because of Covid 19, I am becoming a sufferer of hyposmia."

I looked at my reflection, and tied the shark fin back on my head, and slipped the bands of my mask around my ears.

Alas, the mask is making my nose blind, and to things far worse than smelly gym clothes or stinky shoes.

I began again.

"Our senses are what got a species that is relatively weak in most areas through its early history on earth. If it didn't look, taste, smell or feel right, as whatever might have in previous encounters, it probably was not right, and should be avoided at all costs." 

I looked like a dork.

"This is how early man evaded many poisons, and dangers." 

"Ok you guys," I said to the empty room. This is what I want you to think about and address in your paper this week." I caught myself laughing at myself as a reflection.

"Today, with the Government insisting masks be worn everywhere except in your own home, what aren't we smelling when out and about? Roses? Hydrochloric acid? Bleach and ammonia mixed together?" My voice was oozing passion.

"Hazardous materials sheets used for safety guidelines name several chemicals that one becomes "noseblind" to during exposure, that can cause major health problems or death if contact is not closely monitored."

"Time for the big finale." I thought aloud.

"Things considered "normal," like vehicle emissions, wildfire smoke and air pollution can be just as dangerous as noxious chemicals. Los Angeles says any strange or unpleasant odors are in fact an early warning signal."

My voice was loud and compelling.

"One has to wonder if "masking up," might do as much harm as good in some situations. What if  certain smellable dangers go unnoticed because of the constancy of the ever blocking masks?"

I saw my reflection again and gasped,

"Uh, Natural gas has been scented to smell intensely of sulphur, (rotten egg stench,) to warn of gas leaks in the home."

I stopped. I was supposed to have been imagining a naked audience member, but instead it was I who was naked. I put on a robe.

"Something doesn't smell right about this possibility. It reeks of scenarios I want to ignore".

"When we look at the olfactory system, we can see how much the senses of sight, hearing, taste and smell are linked. It's all connected behind the nose."

I couldn't look at myself.

"As I mentioned before, all the information goes straight from nose to brain. There are files on all the trillion odors, scents, perfumes and stank, all saved for use later in situations that might need speedy identification of a questionable redolence."

I paced back and forth in front of the mirror. I didn't like my tone, or embarrassment.

"I will bet that the following words, if read slowly and then concentrated on for a few moments will bring images from your memory during times throughout your life. You should be able to almost smell them through memory alone."

'If only I had more props. I will have to get some to pass around." I thought out loud again. "An audience too." I said to my chair, bed and toilet.

"Lemon, Roses, Cigarette smoke, A brand new box of Crayola crayons, Campfire, Hospital, Bar-be-que."

I felt my own body react to the imaging I was giving. I drooled a little and wiped my mouth with my sleeve.

"So when someone says they smelled a fragrance wafting in the air, that smelled so yummy they could almost taste it, well that's because they probably could."

"I can do this." I said firmly to my reflection.

"Look out! It is he, man, who can smell five parts of bar-be-que per trillion!" I pointed at myself.

"On a final note,

Shakespeare wrote "A rose, by any other name, would still smell so sweet."

I said this very slowly, for the impact.

"Although, when Juliet said it, it smelled kind of fishy. Like maybe she was making excuses for her boyfriend. However we will never know if it was Smelt, that smelt when her family smelt it.

I bowed to my reflection, who did not clap or throw roses at me.

I put the pages back in order on the easel and piled my pillows in a semi circle as if they were my students.

I peered at the woman in the mirror and began again.

"We have heard of sharks smelling blood in the ocean from miles away, but science tells us…"

Fin

7/2/2021