Hologram

I am just a hologram of myself. 

Just someone waiting to be noticed. 

These memories are not mine. 

They can’t be. 

I constantly wake up from nightmares.

I see the faces of parents, 

Begging me not to do it. 

Then the kids,

The kids are the worst. 

They do anything to break from my hold, 

Punch, kick, and struggle to get out of the entanglement of their destiny. 

As I drag their bodies across the stone cold floor,

Guilt runs through my veins,

Burning my arms, 

Wanting to break through the barrier of life. 

I throw the kid in the midnight room, 

As I shut the door, 

I hear the sound of whirring

It swirls in my head like a carousel.

I walk away

Trying to block the noise

But it only makes it worse

It pierces my ears

The sound is enough to make your blood boil. 

And then that’s when it happens

I wake up.

Sweat shimmers down my face

As I gasp for air 

Feeling that the world is laying on my chest

I look around 

And see nothing,

But the comfort of my bedroom. 

I look to my alarm clock

It reads 4:34 a.m. 

I get up shakily 

While grabbing onto my dresser next to me. 

I barely make my way to the kitchen

I slam open the cabinet door

Grabbing my pills

I get a glass cup and fill it with water

The sound soothes me

I throw the pills in the back of my mouth

Taking big gulps of water

Feeling that my mouth keeps getting drier 

I can’t feel the water in my throat as it goes down

The metallic taste doesn’t linger in my mouth 

I gently set the cup down on the counter

Confused to why I can’t feel or taste the water

Causing it to make a slight clinking sound

I head to my front door

I slowly turn the knob

The cold metal glueing my fingers onto it. 

I open the door

All there is a black abyss. 

I try to take a step out and I get thrown back onto the ground

The door slamming making the house rumble

I look at the door in confusion as I get up

I start to breathe heavy as I go to the bathroom

I throw open the door

Looking in the mirror immediately

My green eyes expand as I observe myself

I wear an old white tank top

With Old grey sweatpants

Covered in stains from pizza grease 

My ginger hair drapes over my bony shoulders

Pale skin shining as bright as ever 

The freckles on my face stand out more as I get paler

I slowly creep my hand up onto my face 

Rubbing my face as I start to cry

My eyes start to get red as I cry

I simply wipe them away

Looking to the bathtub

I slowly take a step towards it

I lift my legs into the bath

I take my right hand 

To turn on the water

It comes on

Filling the bathtub with water

The water starts to touch my feet

Yet there is no sensation

I slide my feet up and down the bath

Yet still nothing

I turn on the shower

Blasting it to the hottest that it goes

The water starts to pound against my body

Steaming up the bathroom mirror

Drenching my clothes

And I still can’t feel anything

I get out of the bath 

Leaving the shower running 

I go to the kitchen 

And I grab a knife

I see my reflection in it

I look serious as I take the knife towards my left hand

My right hand holding it

I press down and slice my hand

Leaving a slit across it

Red blood starts to pour out almost immediately

Dripping onto the floor 

There is no sensation

All there is the blood

I go to my hall closet

Grabbing a raggidy old washcloth

And wrapping it around my hand as I search for supplies

I find some gauze, alcohol wipes and bandages

Just as my blood starts to seep through the washlcloth. 

I sit down on the carpet

Taking off the washcloth

I press the gauze onto the wound

Stopping the bleeding.

I feel no pain as I do this

I clean the wound with alcohol wipes

That used to make me wince at their touch.

I wrap the bandages around my hand

Tieing them together to seal the wound

Once I wrapped my hand up

I get up 

Leaving the mess of gauze on the floor. 

White light starts to seep through the windows of the house

Blinding me as I start to look through them

I go to the front door and open it

Instead of seeing the black abyss 

I see a world full of white light 

I take a step

It eases me onto the floor

I start to walk towards the light 

Feeling that I’m going for miles 

I finally get to it

I reach my good hand to the sky

Touching the warm sensation of the light

I could feel the energy it was giving off

Then suddenly it ran away

To the other side of the domain

I run towards it

Only for it to rush to the other side

This cycle goes on for about 10 minutes

Before finally catching the white light

In my hand it expands to a size

Of great width

I shield my eyes from the light

And when I open my eyes 

I’m back in my bedroom. 

Laying in my bed

I look at my hand

There is nothing there

I go to the hallway

Looking for the bloody gauze but all I see is emptiness.

I bolt to the kitchen where the bloodstained floor and knife were

But there was just emptiness. 

I start to hyperventilate as I wonder what’s going on

I don’t what I used to do

Or What happened to me

But why torture me this way?

Because of the way 

I hurt those kids and parents?

I would never do that now

I sprint to the bathroom 

Trying to find answers in the bathroom mirror

But all I see 

Is a Hologram of myself.