Just Me

Sitting by the ever-changing water, I let my feet slip in. The cool pull of the river tugs on the fine fur that enveloped my three feet. My glowing eyes tinted in purple find their matching pair in the water as I glared at my reflection. Long pointed ears that stick up beyond the fur on my head. The strangely splotched patterns that covered my skin. The three antler-like horns that grew from within. The baby pink nose that is hugged by the many strands of navy and violet whiskers. My eyes trail lower in the reflection until it falls on my tail; correction- my three tails. Each one covered in a different pattern of stripes and dots. None of me made sense, but I am just me.

There was a time I couldn’t care less about what stared back at me in the river. But everything was different when I met them. 

Just like today, I had been sitting by the river watching the water rush by when suddenly one of my tails and horns began to glow in the shade provided by the towering trees. I was taught that each of the three horns and tails represented something different. Time. Space. Life. Of course, the latter was the one to illuminate, for a being had crossed into my land.

A young creature was laughing and happened to stumble upon this very place. Immediately his happiness faded. It seems as though I take away joy and laughter when I cross paths with any creature. However, instead of fear, he looked confused for a moment before taking another step. Without another thought, I rushed to hide up in a nearby tree, using the deep green leaves to cover any trace of my existence. Had he seen me? I had hoped not with the many trees and lush greenery surrounding me. I watched the other being glance behind him before turning back and proceeding closer to me. He hesitantly walked up to the damp banks of the river as my stare intensified. The chocolate brown hair that neatly framed his sculpted face gently danced as the wind ran through the lush trees. The soft brown locks were cut short just under his two strange-looking ears on each side of his head. He had glanced up for a moment and my breathing halted. His soft blue eyes illuminated nothing but sweetness and peace. A flood of relief filled me as I realized he hadn’t seen me. Instead, he glanced at the rushing waters and let his strong frame dip down as he let the current of the river move his hand for just a moment. 

I couldn’t help but watch his every movement. The two arms. The two legs. The two hands. The two feet. The two eyes. Two ears. Perfectly balanced and symmetrical. And just as fast as he came, he left, although his scent lingered by the waters. I let out an uneven breath that I didn't know I was holding.

I knew what he was. A human. Mother had always told me stories about them as I learned my duties but never had I thought I would see one for myself. She had told me that they lived all around her, such as my kind did. I had been told about their beauty and intelligence but I had never believed in such fairytales. Not until now. I know that they live in a world where they just have to simply be. Although their life may be fleeting, they live happy ones. 

I felt one of my tails flicker against a lower branch and felt a pang of jealousy. As a youngin, I had imagined what they looked like from the stories and wanted to be just like them. Perfect and mobile in every way. Unlike them, I will forever be tied to these few trees by the banks of this side of this river. I cannot leave if I wish to remain on Mother Earth no matter how much I desire to do so. My heart is chained to this forest and my very being exists only to tend to these trees. Oh, how I wish to be free like they are free. But that will never be, for I am just me.

Just as much as Mother had praised these beings as she told her stories, she also warned me of the ways of the humans. I was to never be seen or caught by those creatures. They may be small but they are persistent and will hurt you if you are too giving. I had seen the damages they had done to Mother but never could I believe they were done by such small creatures. The way the man looked so kind and giving as he embraced the land around him made me question the very nature of these beings. That is until the man came back and crossed the river. 

This time, he was not alone. Instead, he had more humans with him, all holding these sticks with metal blocks at the end. Before I could even decipher what these tools were for, they began taking my home.

Whack. Whack. Whack.

They hit a large tree from the base with a steady beat. Pain and anxiousness rose within me as I contemplated how I should stop them. The feeling spreading into every inch of my body. Do I jump out at them? Whack. Whack. Whack. Do I request the help of the wind or the river? Whack. Whack. Whack. They were beginning to take more and more. Whack. Whack. Whack. What was I to do? Whack. Whack. Whack. Help! Please help! Whack. Whack. Whack.

Whack.

Whack.

Whack.

I did nothing but watch as they took a part of me and leave, never to return. I had waited and waited but my trees refused to reach towards the sun once more. I am now left with the few that were spared from their hands. Because I am me, I was not able to jump out at them. I was not able to stop them. I am helpless and tired, but I am me.

As the hours pass, I look beyond my reflection in the shimmering waters and watch the little fish zip around. They, too, are free to wander and be. At the sight of me, they sped off a good distance, reminding myself of who I am and what I could never be. Just then, my second horn glowed, signaling that it was time. 

I begrudgingly get up from my spot by the river and make my way up one of the trees. Reaching the very top, I gently touch my tail to one part of the sky and my horn to another. I feel the warmth flow from the roots of the trees, up my feet, through my body, and beyond the tips of my being. The sky begins to turn a deep violet with speckles of shimmering lights. I watch as the vivid color slowly inch across the vast space above. Now with the moon taking charge over the sky once more, I am able to sit back down and watch as he pulls out the lights, making each and every one just a bit brighter. Mother had told me the humans call them stars and that one day I will be one of those as well. But until then, I am sorry I am just me.