Dancing with Elizabeth

Jack studies himself in the full length mirror in his bedroom. He is going to see her and wants everything to be perfect. She deserves perfection. Once he is content with how his suit sits on his frame, he turns to the bed. Carefully, he picks up the single pastel pink carnation that will serve as his boutonniere for the night. Pale pink carnations were her favourite flowers. They had featured in their wedding. Jack checks his appearance once more, now, that the flower is pinned on his jacket. He makes the last minute adjustments and looks at his reflection once more, and confirming that she will be happy with what she sees, he sighs and turns to leave the bedroom. It has been a year since he last saw her.  

Jack opens the back door of the house they use to share and walks along the garden path towards the old gazebo. The gazebo is in the middle of the garden and where she meets him every year. Even in the darkness of the night, he is confident in his steps. He hurries, not wanting to lose any of their precious time together. He leaps up the steps, across the timber floor and stops on the far side of the gazebo. She is already there; on grass behind the gazebo and twirling in her pastel pink dress. It is the puffy dress that stops just below her knees. It is the dress she wore the last time he saw her, the dress she wore when he buried her. She twirls and dances by herself, watching how the fabric moves around her legs in the moonlight. Jack watches, smiling at the most beautiful sight in his world. His heart double in size with love and happiness as she moves. Happiness is a foreign and forgotten feeling for him.

She must spot Jack, for she stops dancing and studies him for a moment before a giggle breaks through. I was his favourite of all her laughs as she only made it when she was caught being silly. 

“What?” She asks with a bright smile on her face like she knows the answer already.

“I’m just remembering you.” He replies as he slowly walks down the steps and towards her. 

“Come,” she offers him her hand. Her wedding and engagement rings catching the moonlight. “Dance with me.”

Jack is close enough to softly take her gentle hand. He guides her into his embrace, and wraps his arm around her waist. He makes sure he does not ruffle the bow at her back. She places her free hand on his shoulder. As they touch, the identical rings on the chain around his neck, under his white shirt, begin to warm against his skin. The pair start to dance as fireflies circle them and music swells from an unknown source. He looks down into her green eyes, now so full of love, warmth, laughter and life. His heart begins to break as it slams his rib cage. His heart belongs with her, it always has. 

The dance is a simple four step box. They had ran out of time together, before she could teach him anything more. Neither seemed to mind. She lowers her head and rests it on his beating heart. The smell of her hair fills his nose. Her pillow, on the bed they use to share, still holds the scent, even after all this time. He gently kisses the top of her head as his heart threatens to burst with the joyous love he feels. Jack almost asks it to burst so he could stay with her. Tears form and sting his eyes, he forces them back. He will not ruin their one night together by crying. Jack will have time for that tomorrow, when he is without her again.

 The ground fades away as they dance. They do not notice as they rise to the stars with the fireflies circling around them, in their own dance. They only see each other, feel each other, want each other. It was like the rest of the garden did not exist as long as the other was there. Jack gives her lips a gentle kiss and they waltz across the sky, past the stars and in across the full moon. The first time she visited him in their garden, the flying had scared him. It is now a staple, and his second favorite thing about the night. 

The first is being able to spend time with her.

They drift back to the ground and their feet land on the now dew coated grass. Their dance in the stars is over as the music fades and a small bell tinkles across the dark garden. Jack leads her towards the gazebo. A small table, with two chairs have been placed in the structure. He leads her up the steps, and into one of the chairs. He makes sure she is comfortable before he walks around the table and takes his own seat. The fireflies that danced in the garden are now resting on the timber railings and posts of the gazebo. Jack does not pay any attention to the them or, to the skeleton staff that lower plates onto the table and fill the flutes with champagne. He only sees his beautiful wife toying with the necklace she is wearing, the same one she wore the day they exchanged their vows. Another song starts. Everything about the dinner of their wedding night is replicated in the gazebo. The furniture, the carnation centre piece, the food, even the champagne is the same. The only difference is her dress.

They do not talk about anything important that had happened during the last year. He does not mention the milestones or big events of their respective families, he does not tell her about the current events or even the silly gossip from his office job. He hopes that she already knows it all, and was always watching. More than that, He wants to listen to her voice, as much as he can. So they talk about the things she still knows about. They talk about the horrible day time soaps she loved, and how she would tape them so she could watch them with Jack. They share the story lines they think are the most insane and how she thinks things will end. As they being the next course, the conversation turns to the some of the highlights of their time together, as a couple. How, on one of their early dates, they went to the local fair, and Jack wasted too much time and money on one of the carnival games, wanting to win a dog shaped soft toy and after, what she swears was a lifetime, a little boy; who had managed to win the dog, had given it to Jack to give to her, much to Jack’s embarrassment. The dog still sits on her bedside table. She then takes great pleasure in reminding Jack of the failed attempt at cooking for their second wedding anniversary. He had almost burned the apartment down, and had to order take away. The food he ordered gave them both food poisoning.

They do not talk about the year after that. It was too hard for both of them. Instead they share a desert in a comfortable silence. It is a slice of their wedding cake. Jack tries to order a second slice but the skeleton staff ignore him. She assures him that she does not want a whole slice to herself, just a little piece of his is enough. Jack would have let her eat the whole thing, if that was what she wanted. There was nothing he would not have given her; there is nothing he would not do for her. He only lives for her, even now. 

Naturally, she shoves the very last bit of the cake into her mouth, swallows it and pokes her tongue at him before Jack can register what was happening. She jumps up from her chair, laughing, and darts across the gazebo floor, flits down the stairs and runs across the grass. Jack chases her, laughing and abandons the tea cups that replace the empty cake plate. She stops running as he throws his arms around her, and kisses her with the passion, desire and thirst of a parched man. He only stops kissing her long enough to breath, his lungs would burst if he did not. She does not have the problem. As they kiss, the fireflies rise from their perch on the gazebo and circle them again.

Jack stops kissing her and breathlessly whispers “I love you”

“I love you.” She repeats with a small smile.

She reaches for his hand and they walk through the garden, the fireflies follow them. They walk in silence, both enjoy being with the other. They stroll past the small pond, with the white lilies and the Koi as one of the fish tries to eat the fireflies. It is not long before they return to the gazebo. 

He kisses her once more.

They break and she whispers. “It is time.”

“No, no, not yet.” He pleads, his voice breaking. “I never get enough time.”

She places her hand on his cheek, her wedding and engagement rings have vanished. “I know. There is always next time.”

“I don’t want to wait that long.” He covers the hand on his face with his own.

“Neither do I, but that is how it is.” 

He lowers their hands from his face and looks away. He looks to the sunrise. He can’t see her face as he says what is on his mind. He does not want to see the pain that he knows his next words will cause. More than that, he does not want to see the love in those green eyes. It is the love that hurts him most of all.

“I could end it all, and stay here, with you.” 

She places her hand on his face and gently pushes his face to look at her. Of course she knew what his weakness was. She knew everything about him, she knew more him than Jack did. He loved and hated her for it.

“You have to stay there and live your life. That is how it is supposed to be,” Her voice is gentle, yet firm.

“What kind of life is it though? I don’t have you.”

“You always have me. Here” She gestures to the garden.

“And here.” She adds as she gently touches his forehead.

“And, most importantly,” She places her had on his chest, over his heart. “Here.” Her rings burn his chest with her naked hand so close to them. Like him, they burn to be with the woman they belong to.

Jack brings her hand from his chest and kisses it.

“It is not the same.”

The top of the sun appears over the garden. She begins to fade in the golden light. 

“No, no, no” he moans. Pleading to time itself as he grasps at the space that is, that was, her. “Not now, just a minute more. Please.”

She plants her lips on his, silencing his begs with a kiss. He closes his eyes.

A tear rolls down Jack’s cheek. He opens his eyes, and she is gone. He is standing in the sunshine; alone.

Her rings are still warm on his skin. He turns and slinks back to the house. Once he inside, he takes the carnation from his jacket and places it on the table and makes his way to the empty bed. 

The flower sits on top of a small pile of dead flowers beside the electronic counter as it ticks over. 

364

The number of days Jack has to wait until his wife can visit him once more.