Toasted

Toasted

    “Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who don’t me, I’m Peter, Rob’s best man. I was there from the beginning, when Rob and Cindy first met. Rob tells people that he and Cindy met while hiking. This is technically true, but it’s not the whole story. Rob’s a modest guy and doesn’t like to brag, so now I’m going to completely embarrass him by telling you what really happened.

    “Rob and I were up at the lake, on the mountain trail, when we heard a scream. We ran toward the sound and found a lovely young woman crying and pacing, distraught and alone on the trail. Cindy here had been hiking with her German Shepherd, Muffin, and her then-boyfriend. We’ll call him Richard, or Dick, for short. They’d seen a large black bear on the trail and Muffin decided to summon his inner canine warrior and chase the bear. So, Muffin takes off into the woods, chasing the bear. Dick, apparently after several moments of hesitation, so I’m told, reluctantly takes off after Muffin.  Upon hearing Cindy tell this story, Rob takes off running in the direction of the dog and I follow him, after making sure Cindy was okay by herself.

    “So, I’m following Rob, who’s moving through the woods faster than I thought humanly possible, jumping over tree limbs and bursting through bushes like a stunt man in a movie, until we finally see the dog in the distance. The dog’s still running deeper into the woods. No sign of Dick, in case you were wondering.

  “We begin to hear water, which, if you’ve been to the mountain trail, you know is the river where the little waterfall feeds into the lake. We get closer and we see Muffin, trying to swim in the river. The bear, being a better swimmer than Muffin, is long gone. We caught a glimpse of him way on the other side of the river, heading further into the woods. We did not, at any point, catch a glimpse of Dick.

    “But now here’s Muffin, being tossed about by the rapids in the river and beginning to head downstream. Toward. The. Waterfall.

    “So, here’s the part where Rob, predictably, being the good guy he is, jumps into the river to save Muffin. Luckily for Muffin, Rob is a pretty good swimmer. He manages to catch up with Muffin before the poor dog goes over the waterfall. Rob grabs him by the collar and starts swimming toward the bank. I’m standing around like a dumb ass, because this is all happening so fast. I even forgot to whip out my phone and shoot a video. That would have been epic. Anyway, Rob gets to the bank of the river and checks Muffin for injuries. No animals were hurt in the making of this story, by the way. And still, no sign of Dick.

   “We didn’t have a leash and couldn’t risk Muffin running off again, so Rob picks up Muffin, who, you’ll remember is a German Shepherd, not a small dog, and fireman-carries him back toward the trail.  Poor Muffin was too tired to fuss about that, at this point. It took nearly a half hour to get back to the trail carrying this gigantic dog. And still, you guessed it, no sign of Dick.

    “We finally make it back to the trail, where poor Cindy is crying with worry, maybe more for the dog than the boyfriend. She sees us coming and her face lights up. She runs toward us, fastens Muffin to a leash, and gives us both hugs. We traded information and stood around talking for a while, waiting for Dick to arrive. Forty minutes later, he finally shows, covered in scrapes and dead leaves, and looking very annoyed that the dog was already safe and that he had nothing to do with it.

    “That, my friends, should have been the end of the story. But no. The next morning, while watching the local news, I see Dick being interviewed on camera for a story about bear sightings in the area. Apparently, other hikers spotted the bear, and a news crew had arrived after we left. 

   “Anyway, here’s Dick, talking about how he was hiking with his girlfriend and how her dog ran after the bear, and how he had to run after the bear to save the dog. He added some colorful details about how he had to jump into the rapids to save the dog from going down the waterfall and how he’d gotten badly scraped up in the process. I thought about Rob’s bravery and his humility, and just shook my head.

   “And that should have been the end of the story. But again, no.

    “Two weeks later, I’m reading the local news online and I see this story. There’s Dick again, accepting an award from an animal rescue group, for saving his girlfriend’s German Shepherd from a tremendous bear.  He’s giving a speech about the importance of animals in our lives. I’d almost believe it if I hadn’t seen his face when he finally got back to the trail that day.  By this time, I’m kicking myself for not having shot a video of Rob rescuing Muffin.

    “And that would have been the end of the story, if not for Cindy. Cindy appreciates a good man, and Dick wasn’t making the cut. Another week or so went by and Rob’s phone rings. Cindy had jettisoned Dick from her life. This is where the real story begins, the one that led us to be gathered here today.

    “’Muffin and I would like to thank you for saving his life’ she said. They got together for coffee and the rest is history. The moral of the story is this. Nice guys don’t finish last. Sometimes, it just takes a little while to get there.

    “A lot of times, at weddings, people like to talk about how fate brought the happy couple together. That’s nice. But let’s look a little deeper. We have some other entities to thank for bringing us together today. We have a wild bear, a dog named Muffin, and a self-promoting Dick. So, thank you bear, thank you Muffin, and ironically, thank you Dick.

    “Raise your glasses everyone. To Rob and Cindy and Muffin. May you have boring hikes for the rest of your lives.”