Click
Whirrr
FLASH
The raptorβs eyes danced with black spots. Irritated, he growled and shook his head, trying to clear his vision.
The unknown humans on the other side of the fence were very distracting. Their noise especially.
βLook at its toes, Brad!β
βWhatβs it shaking its head for?β
βProbβly βcause you stink so bad.β
βDude, youβre the one who just came from football practice!β
Tap tap tap FLASH
Juvenile shrieks. Sub-adult chatterings. Adult mutterings. All caused anxiety.
Click FLASH click FLASH click FLASH
The raptor glared in annoyance, but only got another eyeful of flashing lights. His toe stubs throbbed with memory; threat displays rarely made the desired impression on humans.
The unknown humans moved on, directed by the young female already known to him. He looked on with relief.
<><><
As I lead my last group of the day to the next stop, I glance back at Kaksi and smile. Itβs been less than a week since he arrived at Dinosaur Conservation & Rescue Leagueβs Cypress Center. Heβs already a star. I donβt think he likes the attention, though.
Visitors admire Kaksiβs dark-silver body, oohing and aahing over the streak of vibrant blue scales running from the top of his head to the tip of his tail. Then they exclaim about his missing sickle claws, talk about how they pity the poor thing, and take photo after photo. The bigger the crowd watching him and making noise, the more agitated Kaksi gets. Thatβs when I move the tour along.
<><><
Once the unknown humans moved away, taking their noise with them, the raptor relaxed. It was impossible to focus on feeding with a multitude of human eyes fixed on him. With the eyes came babel. The noise caused him anxiety. The longer it lasted, the more worried he became. Increasing crowds and noise had always preceded a fight.
There had been no fights in this place.
When he first arrived, the raptor had been puzzled. There was no roof above his head. No walls blocked his vision, and the harsh echoes which had always rebounded from those walls were absent. The other creatures he could see and scent were not terrified, as all in the previous place had been.
This place seemed different.
<><><
After finishing up the tour, I head back to Kaksiβs enclosure. As part of the animal enrichment staff, when Iβm not on tour duty, Iβm free to spend time with the animals; my purpose in spending time with them is to enrich their day-to-day captive lives. Thus, Iβm Animal Enrichment Staff. Kaksi is my particular charge.
In the wild, a lack of fear toward humans would be dangerous, probably resulting in death for the overly bold animal. Here at DCRLβs Cypress Center, itβs better if we habituate the animals to human contact, since theyβll have it pretty much every day. Theyβre all non-releasable, for various reasons.
Building a relationship is fun for us AES, but the βfunβ aspect is not the important thing. The animalβs welfare, mental as well as physical, is the focus. Companionship is very important for the social dinosaurs. If they donβt have a companion of the same species, we might mix species, but more often we carefully offer human interaction.
Dinosaur-and-human relationships can be tricky. You have to be very aware of the animalβs behavior, and the mood it indicates. Sometimes they want your company, sometimes they donβt. So far, Kaksi seems comfortable when itβs just me outside his pen.
Xavier Nichols, animal rescuer, handler, and transporter, is standing outside Kaksiβs enclosure when I get there. I call out to him. βHi, Mr. Nichols.β
He glances at me with a smile. βHello, Ms. Holling.β Xavier's really nice; he always calls me by my last name, never just Rachel. He does the same to almost everyone.
Gesturing at the yardβs occupant, he asks, βCan you tell me his name?β
βKaksi. It means -β
βThe number two in Finnish,β he interrupts. βI remembered the meaning, just not the word. You said itβs because heβs missing both sickle claws, right?β
I shrug. βThat, or the two claws he still has on each foot.β
Mr. Nichols glances at me again. βWould you say you named him after his disability?β
βI didnβt think of it that way. . . β I purse my lips, pondering. βI guess I did.β The thought makes me uncomfortable. Do I only see an injury, and not a creature? I groan.
βSomething wrong?β
βNow I wish I could change Kaksiβs name, or have someone else pick it, or . . . something. It feels really negative since you said that.β
βNo, thatβs not what I mean. It doesnβt have to be negative.β He looks at Kaksi with a thoughtful expression. βIβm not criticizing the choice you made, but it does interest me. When we name animals, I think we often draw on our first impressions or perceptions of them. Sometimes consciously, sometimes subconsciously. Of course, every human, and every animal, is an individual, and as such perceives things uniquely.β
Frowning, I say, βIβm not sure I understand.β
βWhen you picked Kaksiβs name, you thought it fit him. I think your answer to my question proves thereβs likely a deeper reason in your mind for the name fitting, not obvious on the surface. Perhaps in a way, it also signifies his second chance at life.β
βWhat do you mean?β
βA friend of mine found out about Kaksi, and Iβm one of the guys who went to help get him out. He was used in an illegal fight ring.β
βWhy would they desickle him for fights?β
βDesickling points to him having been a pet. People think theyβre cute when theyβre hatchlings. Some even get nearly full-term eggs so they can watch them hatch. Then they get them desickled, so they donβt scratch up the house like a cat. Once their pet reaches a certain size, the owners realize, βthis thing can kill me, even without sickle claws,β so they look for a way to get rid of it. Sometimes the animal ends up at a zoo or other legal attraction, but since it was probably acquired illegally, itβs best not to take it where the authorities can see. Kaksi was somehow acquired by a fight promoter.β
My stomach clenches as I look at the white scars criss-crossing Kaksiβs dark-silver hide.
βWithout the sickles, Kaksi's owner probably would have gotten bigger bets against him, and gotten more money when Kaksi won. I donβt know how he managed it,β Mr. Nichols continues, βbut he survived until now. Heβll be safe here. He has a second chance.β
<><><
The known male raised the now-familiar object to its face, and the raptor narrowed his eyes, prepared for the flash. None came.
As the known male walked away, the raptor found himself inordinately happy to have the known femaleβs solitary company. She never flashed lights at him.
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Ahh! Hello! How are you??
I love this!! Itβs so good! You NAILED the perspectives. The rudeness of the people gawking at the raptor, the conversation between the two people, Rachelβs momentary regret at naming βherβ raptor after his disability, the other personβs response, it was so beautifully crafted. I have no critiques. Amazing job, Guadalupe!!! :D
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Hi Katie! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Wow! I'm so happy you enjoyed it! This one was really fun to write. It still has the highest number of likes on any one story I've written. I didn't suspect it would get that much attention, since it was just my personal musings about names. I guess people liked my musings!
I'm doing really well.
How are you?
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Lol, your musings are really insightful!
I'm okay. I'm super stressed right now with life, but I'm sure things will let up in a bit. I haven't had as much time for writing as I wish I had.
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I'm sorry you're dealing with stress right now, and don't have so much time to write. I'll pray for you.
You know how you made a couple CYOAs? I'm working on one, too, set in my sci-fi world. I'm not going to put it in google docs slides, I'm just keeping it on paper. If you're interested in playing it, we can do it here in comments. Then it would also be kind of like a role play, and it wouldn't have to be all at once. Let me know!
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I would love to! Let me know when you're ready! :)
And I appreciate that!
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Hi Katie! Actually, I ended up writing a CYOA set in my fantasy world, not my sci-fi. Here's the opening!
As you walk across the room, a glowing orb appears in the air in front of you, and you stop short. It quickly grows, from a pinpoint, to the size of a gumball, to the size of a basketball.
The still-expanding orb suddenly develops a hole in the middle, becoming a ring. The ring still glows white, but inside of it, you're starting to see other colors.
When the ring is taller than you are and wider than your outstretched arms, it stops growing. You peer through it.
On the other side of the ring, you can see a young man and a younger girl walking up a mountain. Their clothing and hair are getting whipped around by wind. The light looks dim; wherever they are, it must be evening.
You
Try to step through the ring.
Look around to see if anything else weird is happening.
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βpity the poor thing, and take photo,β like the people who love animals at the zoo so much they bang on the glass and yell at them. That really annoys me, I have to stop myself from telling off other people.
βdirected by the young female already known to him,β can it smell pheromones? How does it know sheβs female? Her being the tour guide? Your next sentence answers that. Iβm writing this as I read so you get the blow by blow.
βIt was impossible to focus on feeding with a multitude of human eyes fixed on him,β I feel like that sometimes. Too many distractions. Young children are like that as well. They forget thereβs food in their mouth because too much is happening around them.
βWould you say you named him after his disability?β Wow, she got landed with someone there to stir trouble. That makes me think of customers complaining about the ingredients in the bread I served when I worked in a bakery, as if I had any day in what the supplier used. People can be so ignorant, or worse theyβre just there to torment you because theyβre bored.
βThe other creatures he could see and scent were not terrified, as all in the previous place had been.β Where do you stand on the ethics of zoos? I feel like prey animals probably enjoy the peace of mind but predators seem bored at best. Iβve seen lots of big cats in zoos that look like they want to be anywhere but there. Red pandas seem to have the time of their life, same with otters if they have a decent enclosure. Though otters are predators so I guess itβs a vague rule.
You never mention feathers here. Are your raptors like the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park that had been patched from other DNA? The current theory, according to my dinosaur obsessed friend, is that most of them had feathers.
I like the story, the scale of it. Seems like the raptor has had a rough life and is onto a better thing. I have my issues with animals living in captivity though. Itβs a bittersweet ending for me.
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Hey Graham, Iβve been meaning to get back to you. I wanted to formulate this reply thoughtfully.
Thank you for your long comment. As you may have seen, I liked the result of a blow-by-blow so much that I started doing it as a general policy.
Iβm impressed that you stop yourself from confronting people at zoos; Iβd probably say something.
As far as how Kaksi knows that sheβs female, I think animals are pretty good at figuring things out, including possibly telling male from female in other species.
I can see how Xavier might seem antagonistic at first. I hope you liked him better by the end of the story.
Zoos are a hot topic, and I have strong feelings about them. I do think that some prey animals might be content, but I think that generally any kind of captivity is not the right place for healthy wild animals. For instance, elephants are prey animals, but do not appear to do well in captivity, and as you noted, big cats definitely look unhappy. Few animals can be maintained in a way similar to their typical natural lives, space to travel and live in being the main problem.
Iβd make an exception for some permanently disabled animals, but only if theyβre struggling to live in the wild. Once, during a wolf collaring operation in Yellowstone Park, a wolf at the back of a running pack was darted, and when the helicopter landed, they found out the wolf only had three legs, yet it had been keeping up well in deep snow. That one obviously didnβt need any help.
I think that sick or injured animals that are struggling could temporarily be taken to rehabilitation centers, where the public could pay to see them, and the money would fund further work.
It also doesnβt seem right to pull animals out of the place they belong in, and ship them all over the world. African elephants in Alaska, polar bears in Minnesota, killer whales in Texas, African lions in North America and Europe. The animals of Africa seem especially exploited.
The point of zoos is supposed to be education of the public, but I think itβs mostly used by the public as entertainment. Itβs not always the zoosβ faults, itβs the attitude of the people using them.
I also think captive breeding specifically for display should be phased out. The animals arenβt in a healthy environment, and unless you keep capturing, the population becomes inbred, which causes more problems.
As far as my personal experience, the zebras and giraffes I saw seemed content, but that was a few years ago, and I didnβt know as much as I do now about animal behavior. The cougar was constantly pacing and did not look content. The tiger wasnβt pacing when I saw it, but there was a path worn around the enclosure perimeter. It was summer, and the uncomfortable looking polar bear was lying down panting in an outdoor enclosure. Despite being in a temperature-controlled room with a pool, the penguins looked bored. So did the lions, gorillas, and orangutans.
In the world of DCRL, my idea is that dinosaurs never died out, and theyβre used in ways similar to exotic animals. Some are in zoos, some are trafficked. Dinosaur Conservation & Rescue League partly works with the government, seizing illegally owned animals. Then theyβre taken to various rehabilitation centers. Kaksi canβt be released, because heβs several generations captive-bred, and already a young adult; it would be difficult to train him for release at this point.
I got a lot of inspiration for DCRL from two things:
Rescue Ink, a group of civilian people in New York who combat animal abuse and try to help people who have difficulties taking care of their pets.
And
Kevin Richardson, popularly known as βThe Lion Whispererβ. (He doesnβt like that name, but his friends convinced him to use it because of the marketing value.) Mr. Richardson lives in South Africa, where he has a sanctuary for captive lions and other animals. He has relationships with the animals, most of whom heβs raised from babies. I watch his YouTube channel.
As far as feathers on dinosaurs, the current popular theory is that most of them were feathered. I donβt personally believe that any of them had feathers unless the imprints are found on a particular animal, or other positive evidence. Velociraptors have quill nodes on their arm bones, anchors for large feathers. Others have been found with feather imprints around them. No feather imprints have been found around T. rex fossils, but there are skin imprints that show scales. Thereβs also a mummified Dakotasaur, which clearly has scales, not feathers.
Again, thank you for the extensive comment.
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I see this means a lot to you. Iβve never seen a big cat in a zoo that looked happy. They need larger enclosures, safari zones perhaps. I would want them all in the wild if poaching wasnβt still so rife across the world. Itβs a tragedy that people canβt just enjoy their beauty in documentaries and photos so that they can live their lives. Humanity has overrun the planet. I hope that the widespread use of contraception globally can bring human population down to a point where weβre not hurting the world we need to survive. Animals donβt deserve the harm we do to them. People living in poor countries donβt deserve to pay the cost of the wasteful lives of people in the βwest.β Iβm hoping that humanity will soon be at the point where energy generation doesnβt necessarily pollute. If as much money was given in subsidies to green energy as it is to fossil fuels I think we would be there already.
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Hey,
Just some critiquing:
" itβs better if we habituate the animals to human contact, since theyβll have it pretty much every day." It doesn't need a comma.
" Do I only see an injury, and not a creature?" Also, no comma.
βWhy would they desickle him for fights?β Spelled incorrect (de sickle)
"Then they get them desickled," Also here
" itβs best not to take it where the authorities can see." Proper Grammer would be "See it"
"My stomach clenches as I look at the white scars criss-crossing." Correct form: (crisscrossing)
There was NO huge mistakes. Just really small ones here and there. I'm not trying to sound like a Karen aha I seen in your bio something like "Critique me or I can't get better." Lol so here I am!
Overall I loved your story and it was very well written! Great job!!
-Shaylynn N Skinner
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Thank you very much for the critique! This story has already locked because I entered it in the contest and it was approved, so unfortunately, I cannot change anything now. I will definitely keep these things in mind for the next story I write.
I will be very grateful if you have time to keep critiquing my stories as I write them.
I was so excited when I logged onto Reedsy and saw your comments and support! Thank you so much! It made me so happy that you took the time to critique my stories!
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Aww you're welcome!!
And yes!!! I would love to keep critiquing!!
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The insensitivity of the human gawkers towards poor Kaksi was communicated beautifully. I also found the different points of view interesting. Engaging story!
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Thank you for reading, Martha! I'm glad the idea was clear. I really enjoy writing Kaksi's point of view, in this story and my previous DCRL story.
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This is really good. I love the idea of having points of view of animals or aliens,etc to give us a different perspective on humanity. I just picked up a novel by Kazuo Ishiguro written form the viewpoint of an AI toy, the world is so crazy these days its best to look at it from outside maybe.
If you want to extend this story, maybe you could have a conflict or an adventure the dinosaurs need to resolve or a larger goal the human/dinosaur are aiming toward. but not sure about #1 on this list works for dinosaurs but maybe it does
haha. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Basic_Plots
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Hi Scott. I'm glad you enjoyed the raptor POV, it's my favorite part to write. I like reading and writing animal/other creature POVs, too, and am currently working on a sci-fi story which includes an alien POV.
Thank you for the link!
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I did enjoy reading through this story! It is cool to see the series continued. I think this unique, as always, with dinosaurs on display. The subconscious decisions on naming were nice, too. I did write some critiques, and I hope they come across as constructive.
The raptorβs eyes danced with black spots. [Irritated,] he growled and shook his head, trying to clear his vision. -You don't need the word 'irritated' here, since we can tell the raptor is so as he growls and shakes his head.
I would watch for writing lines like: 'The raptor glared in annoyance' or 'He looked on with relief.', because, while they do work, you can show us this rather than tell us.
The raptor glared in annoyance - the raptor bared its teeth. Something like that. Show us why he is annoyed, rather than tell us he is.
Same with 'He looks at Kaksi with a thoughtful expression.' later on.
As I lead my last group of the day to the next stop, I glance back at Kaksi and smile. -You may want to write a line and show Kaksi is the dinosaur from the previous paragraph. I thought it was another tour guide at first read until you wrote scales. Maybe have a sign on the enclosure reading its name, and have one of the kids read it off?
There's a bit of telling and not showing in the story, which is absolutely fine, it is something everyone improves on as they get better, but it may be something you'd want to watch for.
Lines like: 'The noise caused him anxiety. The longer it lasted, the more worried he became.' -It's not bad by any means, but can his anxiety be shown? Does he hide in a corner, or bow his head, or anything like that.
Also, I think imagery on the enclosure could be nice. What does it look like around the raptor? Is there a small pond? Trees? Or is just barren, and he just sits in a cage?
I'm looking forward to the next part. Make sure to let me know when it is posted.
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Hi Alex. Thank you for the feedback! It is very constructive.
This story was approved by the time I got your critiques, so I was unable to change anything.
You are right about my showing rather than telling, that could use some work, and I will now be watching for it.
I didn't realize that the name Kaksi was not yet linked to the dinosaur. Thank you for pointing out the ambiguity.
I will also keep in mind to add descriptions of the environment.
I pray this finds you well.
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I liked it. Dinosaurs on display is a neat topic, even if Jurassic Park had some ideas there, and giving the raptor a POV reminded me of a book I read long ago called Raptor Red.
The musings about where names come from are interesting too. There's something to that, because sometimes we'll just *feel* a name fits without really knowing why.
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Hi MichaΕ, I'm glad you enjoyed this. If you're interested in more, this is the third story I've written for my DCRL series. #1 is Tour Guide, and #2 is New Arrival.
Thank you for the book suggestion. Robert T. Bakker's book Raptor Red has been on my reading list since last year. I hope to read it soon.
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Wow - nice!
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Thank you!
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Nice story I loved reading it and the title was great.
let me know when the next part comes out :))
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Thank you! Will do!
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This is nice, the title was InTeReStInG, so I HAD TO read it. Will read more of this series soon enough
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Hi Dhwani! Thank you for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I like the title, too!
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=D
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This is the third installment in my DCRL series. Feedback and critiques are much appreciated.
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