The Shiver

Amelia lay in her cot, her piercing blue eyes sharply focused on her mother’s wet face, leaning over the cot like a giraffe. Her mother’s tears, sliding down her cheeks and heading down her nose to the tip. Drip! Amelia, her tightly zipped sleeping bag and her velvet plush dog, Barney, were getting wet.

“Amelia, you’re so beautiful”, crooned her mother. “I love you and your brother so much, it hurts deep in the pit of my stomach thinking of you ever coming to any harm. Now that I’ve brought you into this world, I see things in such a different way, so much bad stuff. If anything happened to you or Jack …”, she trailed off … “I just couldn’t bear it.”  Her face was crumpled, her worries weighing heavily.

Amelia fixed her gaze on her mother, considering her words.  Mum, we will be safe.  There are things that you’ve forgotten. You don’t need to worry.

Her mother’s tears stopped. her troubled face transformed to peaceful composure. Still wet like a mermaid.

“Why’s there so much solace in your eyes my baby girl, it’s quite remarkable. It’s like you’re giving me reassurance. At four months old - ha! You give me the shivers baby.  Hormones I expect, weird mum stuff.  Good night darling. Sleep well. See you at feeding time!”

#

Again, her mother was crying. Amelia, toddling around organising her dollies for a tea party, knew her mother would spill the beans soon.  Her mother was fussing, making attempts to tidy the playroom and get the cobwebs with a fluffy stick. A spider made a dash for the air vent.

“I know you don’t understand but your dead-beat father’s lost his job," Mum sobbed. “Fired again, it’s embarrassing. I’ve got you and your brother to clothe and feed. It’s hard to make the measly dole money stretch. I might have to go back to work and leave Dad looking after you two.” “God forbid”, she said more quietly.

Amelia listening, laid down her dolls and toddled unsteadily to her mother, grabbed her around the legs and squeezed, a vice like grip, beyond the norm for a two-year-old. Amelia squashed her face into mother’s knee and held it there.

She looked down at her daughter, not just clutching her, but somehow comforting her, energy flowing between them. Her worry lifted, tears ceased, body relaxed. A shiver. Unmissable. Calm followed the shiver. 

A knock at the door broke the moment. Mum’s sister was wrestling a mountain of bulging black garbage bags, slip sliding around the small porch.  “I’ve just finished a marathon sorting my lots’ wardrobes, all of these clothes are too small.  They’ll fit Amelia and Jack soon enough if you’re not too proud for cast offs. Some of it hasn’t been worn. Joshua has bundled up his Lego for Jack, and Cordy despatched all the toys that she’s “too mature for now” for Amelia.”

Fishing in her handbag, “Oh, and here’s a job opportunity for that lazy arsed husband of yours, it’s not much but even he can’t stuff this up. It’s at the zoo, not working with people. That might help him to hold down a job. Or maybe he’ll get eaten by a lion. Sorry, bad joke!”

Amelia squeezed mum’s legs again briefly.  The shiver, only momentary but it was unmistakable. A vague memory flickered through Amelia’s mum. It was nothing, imagination, she dismissed it. 

Amelia squealed with delight and pulled at the bags, helping drag them in, tumbling over in the effort, winding a few bags and making them pop!  There were so many, they took over the whole lounge.  What a windfall!

#

Mum had a black eye. This time she wasn’t crying. It wasn’t the first obvious injury. She told Jack she walked into a door. He didn’t question it. Amelia hugged her mother tightly and kissed her eye, just as she’d kissed bruises on her arm and back several months earlier. The shiver. This time not as noticeable as Mum was numb.

#

Mum wasn’t at the gate at school pick up.  Mrs McGee walked Amelia and Jack to the kiss and drop zone at the back of the school to meet Mum.  Mum was crying the whole walk home, holding their hands like they were glued. 

Mum flopped onto the sofa and pulled them to her, sobbing.  “Darlings, I’ve got some terrible news about your dad. He’s been attacked at work by one of the animals. They took him to hospital, and they did everything they could but ….” She broke down. Amelia hugged her. The shiver. Yes, absolutely unmistakable, the shiver. She calmed, stopped crying and looked directly at her daughter.

Which animal? Amelia demanded to know. 

“A gazelle”. 

Amelia looked a little surprised. She’d organised a lion. Maybe the lion had a full schedule.  Or even super-powers get it wrong sometimes.  Gazelle’s are clearly much nastier than she gave them credit for. Maybe it’s the horns.

#

Amelia, we need to talk. Amelia had anticipated this. 

“How do you do it? How do you understand everything, things way beyond your years? You protect me! Look after me! And the shiver? Like rippling water, your love ripples through me. You do know that I shiver when you touch me, when it’s something serious?”

“Yes mum, of course I know, I’ve always known. It’s an energy shiver. I knew I had powers. Gran told me, well, confirmed it. You’ve been worrying about me and Jack for years and kicking yourself for your terrible choice of husband and what a rubbish role model he is, well, was, so you lost touch with your powers. You’ve buried them deep, neglected them, but you still have them. The shiver is my power reigniting yours.” 

Amelia continued. “You could have been using your own powers all along you know.  I’m not saying I mind using mine as it’s given me lots of practice, especially getting dad trampled, that’s been my biggest challenge so far! Great practice!”

Mum gasped.

“It’s still in you mum - you just need a refresher course!   Let me know when you want to get started!”

Mum’s face was a picture. I could see the realisation, recollections from her childhood. She attempted to recall the last time she used her power. Blank. Certainly not since she met Dad which ironically was when she needed them most. But she was rebuilding her memory. She squeezed me. Oh boy, did I feel that shiver! 

“Okay Amelia, I’ll take it from here. I’m quite capable, you don’t need to exert your powers anymore. I may just need a little guidance or clarification here or there if that’s okay?” 

“You think I’m going to stop Mum? Don’t be daft. I’ll help you polish them up but I’m still using mine. And unless you’re telepathic too, you won’t know!”