He Left Me Into Perfection

The words he texted me resonated in my mind. “It’s not you. I just need to get my priorities right.” They replayed again and again in my head. I could not escape from them. Before I slept, I heard them. In school, I heard them. Everywhere. Even being around people did not dampen the sorrow that fogged my mind. I could not play my favorite games anymore; I’d played them with him. I could not eat at my favorite restaurant anymore; I’d eaten there only with him. Then the text again. “It’s not you. I just need to get my priorities right.” Laying in my bed, I threw my arm over my eyes and sobbed quietly. “It’s not you…” I whimpered. I quickly sat up and wiped my face when my mom opened the door to my bedroom. 

Her face became sympathetic and she tilted her head a little. “Hey bud,” she said. “Hey,” I said, pretending that I hadn’t been crying. “Still upset about Taylor?” I looked at her. All of my feelings rushed to the surface of my heart, but I pushed them back down. My mom did not need to be burdened with my problems and my negative feelings. “No..” She gave me that I-don’t-believe-you-but-I-won’t-push-your-problems look. “Okay, well I just wanted to check in on you and let you know that we are having spaghetti for dinner tonight.” I continued staring at her. “I’m not… hungry.” She looked at me with sad eyes. “Honey, you still need to eat.” I shook my head. I signed I’m not hungry in sign language. I was taking a sign language class at school, and my teacher had told me to practice as often as I could, whenever I could remember how to say something.

“I know, son, but you still need to eat. I understand you’re hurting from Taylor. I understand that he was the love of your life, but you still need to eat to stay healthy physically. Even if you’re struggling to stay healthy mentally. Please. Even if it’s only a few bites, you still will have eaten something. Please. For me.” She looked at me with her sad momma puppy eyes. I rolled my eyes and plopped back down onto my back, staring at the ceiling. In sign language, Fine, but I’m not eating a lot. I should probably let you know my mother is fluent in sign language, as she is a deaf teacher. She smiled at me. “Okay good. A little bit of food is still food.” I closed my eyes, throwing my arms over my eyes again.

I heard the door shut. I knew she wanted to leave me alone, and I also knew that she wanted to raise my spirits. I just physically and emotionally couldn’t be happy. Not after Taylor. I felt the tears coming back, and I tried successfully to stop them.

That night I ate six bites of food, and then showered and went to bed. I woke up several times hoping to dislodge or change the dream I was having, but every time I fell back asleep the dream started right back where it had left off. It was a dream about me and Taylor. When we went to the fair. When we went to the arcade together for the first time. When we went to a cosplaying convention together for the first time. I woke up several times that night, but it never helped. Finally, at 4:57 A.M. I decided to just stay awake.

At 6:55 my alarm clock went off and I went about my morning getting ready for school. All I truly did was throw on a comfy baggy t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, and a jacket. Then I ran a comb through my hair real quick and brushed my teeth without eating. On my way to school, I passed a coffee shop and decided that coffee sounded alright. I ordered a White Chocolate Mocha, but iced, and twenty-four ounces. A little irregular, but to me it sounded good.

By 4th period it wasn’t even halfway finished, but I kept chipping away at it, tiny sip by tiny sip. I sat at the opposite end of the lunchroom than I used to a couple days ago. My ex sat at the other side, and I used to sit with him. Now that we weren’t together anymore, I sat as far away from him as possible. I looked down at my food, which looked completely unappetizing. Then, suddenly I looked up, because out of the corner of my eye I’d seen someone sit down right across from me on the opposite side of the table.

“You really should eat something,” the person said. It was someone I knew. Someone I’d had a crush on since the beginning of time. It was my old friend Byron. “I know you’re still upset about Taylor, but I see my chance now, and I want to take it. And whatever you tell me, I will completely accept. It pains me to see you hurting so bad, so I want to make it better for you. And the way I want to do that is by asking you if you would be my boyfriend.”

I stared at him incredulously. My crush - the crush I’d had since kindergarten - had just asked me out. I was stupefied. Amazed. I began to stutter, and I could feel my cheeks burning, which meant that they must be very red. “I-I mean… U-um… Well… Y-yeah.” I became embarrassed that he could ask me so nonchalantly to be his boyfriend, and I could barely say yes. But all the same I was ecstatic. Byron got up from the other side of the table and came over to my side, pulling me up to a standing position and hugging me tightly. Turned the way I was, I could see Taylor on the other side of the cafeteria, glaring in my direction, and I knew he was pissed at how quickly I’d moved on. I stuck my tongue out at him and the rage was obvious on his face.

Months later, Byron and I were still together. He was very into photography, so the day that we got some of the best pictures in our life was our seven-month anniversary. It was super sunny out, but raining super hard. I put on a plain black oversized hoodie and black jeans, and went out to dance in the rain. Byron took many photos, including one that he positioned and put a timer on, so that we could capture a photo of us kissing. I knew he was the one. When at last an hour had gone by and we had gotten many good photos, Byron set down his camera and joined me at my side. He grabbed my hand tightly in his, and we both turned to stare at the sunset, standing in the rain. It was a warm rain, and a good life.