Colin

A/N: This is a story that I'm dedicating to my ex boyfriend, and something based off of true events, maybe someday I'll have the courage to send this to him.

I stood at the bathroom sink, brushing my hair for what seemed to be the twentieth time. My stomach felt uneasy, yet the urge to hurl was not my main priority.

Today was the day I make things right. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I messed up, and this was my redemption.

I am the type of person who would rather die than admit that I was in the wrong about something, but with him, I always felt the need to run back to him and cry in his arms because the world wasn't fair.

What can I say? He breaks down every wall I've ever built up.

I put my hairbrush back in my purse and adjust my necklace.

"You seem anxious! Got a hot date out there waiting?" An older woman, who was washing her hands at the sink next to me asked.

"Ha, wish I could say that," I said. "In reality, I'm meeting my ex."

The woman frowned. "Men are pigs."

I laughed, it was fake but she couldn't tell. "I'm actually the one that messed up."

"Well he's still a pig for letting you go, especially if you're agreeing to meet him after whatever happened."

I didn't want to tell her that I was actually the one who begged him to come, so I just smiled and thanked her.

My mind was still racing though, praying to God that he didn't have a new girlfriend, or worse, he brought her with him.

I shrugged the feeling off and left the bathroom of the coffee shop.

We had had many meaningful dates here, and although both of us liked the thrill of concerts and other more rambunctious things, we came here a lot for our minds to take a break.

He was sitting at a table in front of the window, staring at his phone.

I held my breath and watched him for a second.

His hair was still long, down to his shoulders, and he still dressed the same. But something about him seemed off.

He looked up, out the window, for a moment and sighed, his eyes focusing on his phone once more.

Finally, as to not look like a stalker, I made my way over to him.

"Colin," I said. It wasn't a greeting or a question, just a flat statement.

"I thought you wouldn't make it. Knowing you I expected you to bail again." Colin looked up at me, and I finally could tell what was off.

Depression.

He had had it pretty bad when first met, and although I couldn't stop it, I was enough to distract him from it, and to be there for him when he needed someone to hold him and tell him it's all going to be okay.

"I didn't come here to be ridiculed by a man who's hair is longer than their vocabulary."

Colin stared at me for a moment then sighed. "I guess you're right."

I tapped my fingers on the table, looking out the window.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" I asked him, making small talk.

"I don't want to get back together again," he said.

"That's not what I asked."

"I'm not dating anyone. I need time to myself right now. What about you?"

"I've been talking to this guy, but he's pretty boring."

"You didn't think Michael was boring."

There it was. That was what I was waiting for. I knew he'd bring him up.

"Michael was a rebound."

"You don't rebound with a guy's best friend!" Colin snapped.

"You think I don't know that? Why the hell do you think I wanted to meet you?"

He didn't answer me, not wanting to create a scene in a public area.

"Look, Michael was the only one there for me when we broke up. I was so heartbroken, and he didn't want to see me hurt."

"Wasn't an excuse to hook up with him."

"Shouldn't you be more concerned that your best friend was in to your ex?" I asked.

"There it is, you're passing the blame on to him. You just have to be the victim!"

"That isn't true and you know it. It was just unfair that you hated me over it and forgave him." I crossed my arms over my chest, and stared him directly in the eyes, knowing I'd proven a point.

Colin shook his head. "He's my best friend."

"If I'm not mistaken, you constantly complained about him. Plus, and I know I don't know what happened when I wasn't around, he had to have had feelings for me or he wouldn't have pursued me just days after we broke up."

"I thought you came here to apologize."

"I said I came here to make things right, although I do owe you an apology, you didn't have to be so unjustly committed to continuing to be friends with him."

"See you're still passing the blame on me!"

"Look, I'm sorry for what happened. But none of us were completely in the right here!"

"Uh huh."

"Oh great! There you go with the damn 'uh huh'!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that everytime I ever say anything to you that you know is right, you pretend like its not. Its so annoying!"

"That's not true!"

"Colin for God's sake! I was heartbroken. We had one future planned. Hell, I thought you were the one. Michael was the only one who admitted that we shouldn't have broken up, but he was glad we did. He said he loved me. And I hated that. I hated that just two weeks before that I was telling you that I loved you, and now your best friend was saying it to me. I hated that he said he wanted to make me his wife, when we were going to buy promise rings when we could afford them. Colin, I hated everything about what I did to you, and it haunts me. I came here to apologize and here it is. I messed up and I'm so sorry. But I'm going to go because I know you're not going to care." I got up, leaving him staring at me with a shocked look on his face.

"Rebecca-"

"I hope you have a good life."

"Rebecca!"

I wasn't listening to him though, I was already out the door.