Agent L

(Warning: Sex references, boy humour, a teensy bit of blood, a tiny bit of drugs and weaponry)

“A fox?!” I yelled, slamming my paw onto the table. “A FOX, M. We are called PREY for a reason; Predatory Restriction and Elimination for the Yarak. Ok, I’m not entirely sure what the Y means or why we chose that word for it, but it’s our job to keep the predators in order, not them keep us in order.” The Shetland across the table from me shook her head.

“Look, Lincoln, I understand your trepidation working with a fox, seeing as it might not seem the best paring, but remember, we’ve checked her out, and you’ll have Pip and the girls to back you up.” M gestured to the blue budgie sitting next to me.

I’d known Pip since we first got assigned to this post, right next to three of the biggest crime bosses known to animal kind. And they were all predators. This meant I didn’t trust the fox that said she knew something about the latest crime spree one of those bosses was going on. Ok, M and her team had checked her out, but I was sure this wasn’t just my instincts.

“Fine, but if she eats one of us, I’m saying ‘told you so’ every time I see you. Unless it’s me that’s been eaten and then I’ll get Pip to say it.” M rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Great. I’ll introduce you and then you two can get back, it’s almost 11:30 am. Wouldn’t want your humans coming back from church to find you gone, now would we?” M led Pip and me through a reinforced door, and it was clear by the expression on the receptionist’s face that she didn’t trust the fox as far as any of us could throw her. I sympathized with the turtle receptionist. When we entered and the fox saw M she bounced up, standing at attention. I already didn’t like her attitude.

“M! And these must be Special Agents Lincoln and Pip! How nice to meet you two! M’s told me loads about you. I’m Kira.” She held out a paw for us to shake and I stared at her coldly. The stupid grin faded from her face.

“Boys, this is your new teammate, Kira. You’ll be working with her for this mission, so I hope you can all get along.” Pip nodded, shaking Kira’s still-outstretched paw.

“I’m Pip, codename Virgo, and I’m the techy. I’ll sit by the desk watching security feed while you two go save the world. I’ll be in your ear most of the time, nice and far away from any danger.” Kira smiled nicely at him, nodding along as he talked.

“I’m Lincoln, codename Agent L or Leo. I’m the leader of this operation and you WILL listen to me.” I turned to M. “When can we get started? Our humans will probably go to the older one’s house so we’ll have a few hours this afternoon.” M sighed again, her forelock flying off her face for a second.

“You can probably get started this afternoon then, just make sure you know what you’re doing. Pip, I want a full status report before you let these two charge into anything. OK, you can all go. Kira, follow them home, but obviously don’t go in. Just hang around until Pip tells you the coast is clear. Dismissed.” M turned around and headed through another door, leaving Pip and me to lead Kira to the tech depot.

A few hours later, after the humans had come and gone, Pip sent the all-clear through the comms.

“Virgo to Leo and Kira, I have updated M on our status and will share the update now. Can you all hear me loud and clear?” Pip said loudly in my ear. I turned the volume down a bit, just so I could still hear once I took the comms out.

“Leo to Virgo, I can hear you very loudly and quite clearly.”

“Kira to Virgo and I can hear fine. This is soo exciting! I’m on a real mission!” Then a loud squeal made me flinch.

“Ok, Kira, you need to keep it down. And we’re only doing basic surveillance because we don’t have any cameras on the premises yet. Once Virgo gives us the all-set signal, we’re hight-tailing it out of there. Once we have the cameras up and running, we can decide what to do with the foxes and badgers you claim to have heard plotting against humans. I don’t need you on this mission and I will happily call it off if you so much as put a hair out of line, got it?” I heard a breathy sigh.

“Fine mister Grumpy Rabbit. Who knew a bunny could be so demanding?” I growled, letting Kira know how angry I was at her.

“Kira, that is exactly the kind of thing that will get you sent home! And don’t use any specifics on comms! Just codenames you idiot!” I heard a barely-there mumble and growled again, making sure Kira knew how serious I was.

“Uh, guys, I just got an update from one of our scouts, the main fox has left the den and we are free to close in and get the visual set up. Virgo out.”

“Thanks, Virgo, Kira and I will get down there soon.” I grabbed my bag of stuff and hurried to the window. I wiggled the window open and secured my grapple hook to the inside of the windowsill. I descended slowly, pushing off the wall with my powerful back feet. When I got to the bottom, I shook the line until it fell down, pushing the button that would suck the line back into the device. I sneaked towards the fence, asking through comms where Kira was. She said she was waiting by the electrical box. 

I silently opened the big wooden gate leading to the driveway, letting myself out and then shutting it firmly behind me. I snuck around the side of the house, keeping close to the small red-brick wall. When I got around to the front road, I saw Kira waiting for me in the agreed spot.

“Ok, here’s how this is going to go. You and I sneak into the AREA, not that actual den, and we put up cameras. As soon as Virgo gives us the all-set, we get out of there, do you understand? No funny business, no “But I want to see the bad guys!” and certainly no loitering. We get in, we get out. That’s it.” Kira nodded along with everything I said, but she did make a face when I tried, and probably failed, to imitate her voice.

“Hey, Leo, it’s an in-and-out job, right?” Pip said over comms, clearly trying not to break into laughter. I smirked, knowing this was where we indulged in a little nervous banter.

“Yeah, but what would you know about that, VIRGO? All you do all day is mess around in your mirror, saying “Pretty boy!” and grooming yourself.” Kira looked at me with a weird expression on her face. I grimaced at her back and turned away, trying to enjoy this mission ritual.

“‘What do I know’? I will have you know that I do have a lady friend who is very happy to help me improve my methods. And besides, you know the humans often listen in on my morning work so I have to keep up appearances.”

“Oh, yeah? Appearances to your pencil? The one you hump around the table once a day? And Virgo, remember, I know when the humans are out and I also have an always-open comms connection to your cage. I know everything you whisper into the mirror.”

“Well, you obviously forget about that handy connection when you have a nap; all I can hear is your snoring! I literally can’t hear myself think! Oh, and by the way, you talk a big talk, Mister Leo, but have you actually gotten it on with an actual girl? Last I heard you were still trying to get that masseuse to rub a little harder.” I could almost hear Pip’s smirk. Kira was looking at me disgusted, but I wasn’t going to stop just because she was here. If she wanted to help, then she would have to deal with our methods.

“Actually yeah, I have, Virgo. You know the humans put their hands into my cage, right? Well, recently,  when my human puts her hand in, I grab on and start going to town. She usually pushes me off, but hey, I can get a couple of thrusts in before I’m kicked to the curb.”

“OK, can we please just get on with the mission? I really don’t want to hear you two talking about your sex lives.” Kira said, over the laughter coming from Pip.

“Sure, sure. Leo’s pathetic anyway. Right, let’s see, you two need to go towards the train tracks and then take a left until you come to an old stone bridge. Then you should start looking for clues as to where the den is exactly.” I nodded to Kira, making sure she understood.

“Ok, got it. Let’s move out.” Kira and I took off, going in the direction of the train tracks, as Pip said.

When we got to the bridge, I held my paw up to stop Kira from going any further.

“Let me see if I can pick up any scents. You can help, but stay behind me, we don’t know if Charlie knows you heard him and his crew. Y’know, I don’t think it’s a great idea for you to be here, but M thinks it’s ok, so I’m gonna trust her, even if I don’t trust you.” I said, my nose twitching, trying to pick up a foxy scent other than Kira’s.

“Why don’t you trust me?” Kira asked, sniffing timidly behind me.

“Mostly because you’re a fox, and partly because I don’t think your story adds up. If you heard something about a plan to import high-grade weapons that could potentially wipe out the humans, first of all, why would you go to PREY instead of whatever you predators have for law enforcement, secondly, why aren’t you in a witness protection programme, and thirdly, why on earth would M put you out in the field if you’re really a peace-loving vegetarian? You’re untrained, you’re unprofessional, and worst of all you're a fox. And if you didn’t really hear a conversation there must be a different reason for you to bring me…” I trailed off, turning around slowly as the conclusion hit me. 

Kira was smiling slyly at me, crouched and ready to spring.

“Why did I bring you to a deserted, half-flooded, lonely, little patch of woods? Because my father wanted me to get rid of the best agent PREY had, so we could actually bring in all the drugs, weapons and death rays we wanted with almost no oversight by you pesky little weaklings.” And then she pounced.

Her claws dug into my shoulder, crushing me against the soggy ground. I wriggled and kicked out at her leg, catching it just above her paw. I heard a snap and the pressure lightened as she flinched back and howled with pain. I scrambled to my feet and ran away as fast as I could go, but I could hear Kira catching up to me despite my best efforts. I felt hot breath on the back of my neck and I prepared for the impact of Kira landing on me. I felt a shift in the air and dodged left, hearing her land heavily by my side. She let out a grunt of frustration and I looked back at her, my only mistake.

I fell into a deep puddle, struggling to get up. Then, I couldn’t. Kira had put her paw on me, trapping me under the water. She was using her uninjured paw, holding the other up and away from the ground. She eased up a bit, letting my head break the surface. Kira leaned in and just breathed on me for a minute before she spoke.

“And y’know what the best part is? Because of this handy stone bridge, no one can hear you, no one can get a signal here and no one will ever find you. There will just be a little brown body, lying here, cold and alone. And nobody will know. Except for me and my father. We’ll know, and we’ll remember this day, the day I brought PREY to its knees by killing its best agent.” As she was talking, I studied my surroundings, hoping to find something useful to use against her. There was nothing within reaching distance, and any move or shuffle would be noticed by Kira. There was only one thing left to do.

I tensed, and then launched my back end into the air, using my back feet to kick Kira hard in the jaw. Her head flew back, startling her enough for me to slither out from under her paw and make another mad dash. Thanks to her little speech, I now knew why I wasn’t getting any backup. I sprinted towards the side of the bridge, looking for any safe spot to hide and contact Pip. Boy was I grateful M upgraded the comms to waterproof ones. 

I heard Kira growl in frustration and come towards me again, blood dripping from her mouth. I ran faster, pushing off the ground with bone-shattering force, and dodging left and right to avoid Kira from leaping on me. All my instincts kicked in, my sense of smell was heightened, I could hear every shift in the leaves and I saw all the tiniest movements. But most importantly I saw the hole near the base of the bridge, just big enough for me to fit and just too small for Kira to get at me.

I dashed into the little hidey-hole and quickly tried to reach Pip.

“Leo to Pip, Kira’s trying to kill me, send back up immediately, I repeat, immediately.” I said quietly.

“This is Vigro, and I read you I’ve already called M and backup will be there ASAP. Hang in there Leo.” Came the slightly staticky reply. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart.

Minutes later, when Kira was still trying to find me, I heard the sound of chopper blades. Backup had come. I saw Kira look up in alarm and dash for the trees, but the net was too quick. It landed squarely on her and she writhed around, trying to free herself from the tangled wire. I crept out of my hiding spot, keeping low to the ground and looking behind and around me at every step. 

Black-clad figures of all prey sizes slid down a thick wire that had dropped from the chopper and they rushed to contain a now-frenzeeded Kira. A couple of the figures broke rank and spread out, looking for evidence or other animals, mostly me. I stood up and waved, catching the eye of one of the other agents. She rushed over, asking if I was ok, and ushering me towards the line she had descended from. A harness was dropped and I was securely ferried away from the bridge and the swamp area.

When I got back home, I had been treated by the PREY nurses and given a special medicine that stopped the flow of blood and covered the wound so it was almost unnoticeable. I huddled in my blanket, awaiting the arrival of the humans and an apology from M.

The latter came first, M’s voice abruptly crackling out of the concealed speaker.

“Agent L, I’m very proud of you today, you did well despite the rest of us being tricked. I should’ve listened to you earlier, your instincts are almost always right. You can say I told you so as many times as you want, I deserve it. I hope you will forgive me and continue to work with us.” I waited a bit, just to make M squirm a bit.

“Ok, I accept your apology. But, I would like to request a longer holiday this month.” A light chuckle came from the speaker.

“Ok, that’s doable.”

“And just so you know, I told you so.”