Gang Slang

“Is this the place?”

“This is the spot.”

“Cool. I’ve never interrogated anybody in a car trunk before.”

“It’s not that exciting.”

“Not even your first time?”

“No. Remember, one of us needs to have our gun pointed at him the entire time or he might try somethin’.”

“What do I look like?”

“The guy that needs to pop the trunk. Forget it. I’ll make sure to hold my gun on him.”

“Alright, fine. Poppin’ it.”

“Now I’m only gonna ask you this once, what’s the-”

“It’s 7-30-93! It’s 7-30-93!”

“That was easy.”

“Call the boss.”

“Way ahead of you.”

“What’s taking you so long?”

“I’m lookin’ for his number.”

“You didn’t save it?”

“No I did. I just can’t remember what I saved him under. Let me try this one.”

“You’re calling me.”

“Whoops. Burner phones and code names, am I right?”

“No.”

“Found it. It’s ringing. Still ringing. Still- Hey boss. It’s V.”

“Yeah. Did you two get what I need?”

“Yeah the combination is 7-30-93.”

“Hold.”

“Alright.”

“What did he say?”

“Hold.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah he’s probably countin’ the money.”

“Makes sense.”

“You there?”

“Yeah boss.”

“There’s not even half of what he owes here. Whack him.”

“Boss says it's not enough, J. He said whack him.”

“Alright.”

“Ow! Aren’t you supposed to ask me another question before you hit me? I think you broke my nose.”

“Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell me how to do my job.”

“Alright J whacked him, now what?”

“I can hear him still.”

“I’d be making some kind of noise too if I was pistol whipped in the face.”

“Did you think I meant to hit him?”

“Yeah, that’s what whack means. It’s a verb, it’s what you do.”

“No, you’re misunderstanding me. I want you to take him out. Capeesh?”

“Yeah, totally capeace. Hey, J.”

“Yeah?”

“Boss wants you to take him out.”

“No problem.”

“Why are you taking me out of the trunk? Are you going to let me go?”

“Probably not.”

“Alright he’s out of the trunk, Boss.”

“Why?”

“That’s what you wanted.”

“No. What I want is for you to take care of him. Got it?”

“Got it. J, Boss wants you to take care of him.”

“I guess we are letting you go.”

“Thank God!”

“No, that is not what I said. Do not let him go? Do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear boss. J, we’re not letting him go.”

“But Boss wants us to take care of him?“

“That’s what the Boss said, J.”

“I guess I could try and clean him up a bit.”

“What are you doing to me?”

“Dusting you off.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re dirty.”

“J is cleaning him up now, Boss. Not sure what made you change your mind, but he’ll be safe with us.”

“What? Why? Holy shit. How are you not getting this? Just really listen to me here okay?”

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

“Make him take a dirt nap. Got it?”

“Gotcha. J, Boss wants you to give him a dirt nap.”

“What’s that?”

“Hell if I know. I thought you might know.”

“I guess I’ll throw him to the ground. Make him sleep there.”

“Sounds good to me. The ground is basically all dirt.”

“You don’t have to throw me-”

“Close your eyes and go to sleep.”

“J has everything on track now, Boss.”

“What do you mean on track? You know I can hear everything that just happened right? I heard you and J admit that you didn’t know what I meant. I heard J throw him to the ground.”

“Man, now my knees are all scraped up.”

“And I can hear the guy actively complaining.”

“Oh yeah? You heard all of that?”

“Yeah. Covering your phone with your hand doesn’t mute your mic. We’ve been over this. Now stop fuckin’ around and do what I said.”

“We’re trying, but it might take him a while for him to get to sleep, he ain’t exactly relaxed.”

“Give the phone to your partner.”

“Boss wants to talk to you, J.”

“Alright. Point your gun at this guy while I talk to him.”

“I know what to do.”

“This is J. What do you need, Boss?”

“I need this guy sleeping with fishes. Do you know what I’m sayin?”

“Well yeah, but we didn’t bring any fish.”

“Are you being smart with me?”

“No.”

“So you’re just stupid too?”

“With all due respect, nobody said anything about needing fish for this job. I’ve never needed fish for any job.”

“What is it with you two? Do either of you know what subtext is?”

“Yeah we know what subtext is. Don’t we, V?”

“I don’t.”

“I’ll tell you later.”

“J?”

“Yeah Boss?”

“Listen to the subtext of what I’m about to tell you.”

“Okay.”

“I want you to ice that man.”

“Again Boss, with all due respect, nobody told me to bring ice to the job, that’s not something I carry on me. Hold on, maybe V does. V?”

“Yeah?”

“You got any ice on you?”

“Meth?”

“No.”

“Diamonds?”

“No. Like frozen water.”

“Oh. No I don’t. Why would I?”

“J?”

“Yeah Boss?”

“I thought you said you knew what subtext is?”

“I do. It’s the little notes in books that help the reader understand what the hell the writer is talking about.”

“No, that’s not what I’m talkin’ about.”

“Oh. Well what are you talkin’ about?”

“Have you ever heard of reading between the lines?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Great!”

“But I never learned what it meant.”

“God damnit, J. It's when you say one thing, but mean another.”

“That’s confusing. Why would you do that?”

“Just in case I’m being recorded. It wouldn’t be good for anyone if I was recorded asking someone to do something illegal. Get it?”

“Oh I get it now. Subtext is like slang.”

“Kinda yeah.”

“Alright, alright. I’m good at slang.”

“Good because I’m about to throw some your way. I want you to do this guy in.”

“In what? Gross, no I’m not doin’ anything like that.”

“I thought you knew slang?”

“Somehow I missed that one.”

“Screw it. I’m just gonna pull up the urban dictionary. Let’s see. I said that. I said that and that.”

“Here we go. You still there, J?”

“Yeah Boss.”

“I want you to dust this man.”

“Why would you kick dirt in my eyes!?”

“Done. He’s covered in dust. What next?”

“Alright. Now Smoke him.”

“Gross. I already said no. Stop asking me to perform sex favors.”

“J? What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing, V. Shut up.”

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“J?”

“Yeah Boss?”

“I’m not asking you to touch anyone sexually, in fact I’m asking you to do quite the opposite.”

“I don’t think sexually touching has an opposite.”

“Either way, that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“187 him!”

“I don’t know what that is! What are we even doing with this guy? He already gave us what we wanted.”

“Why don’t we just kill him?”

“I don’t know. Boss, why don’t we just kill him?”

“Now there’s an idea. I would never tell you to do such a thing though, especially on the phone because anyone could be listening. Obviously I can’t stop you from completing such a task, even if I wanted to.”

“So what you’re saying is?”

“All I can say, is that I can’t legally recommend that action you suggested, even though it’s the best way to solve the issue.”

“Do you want us to kill this guy or not?”

“YES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Damn V.”

“What?”

“He hung up on me.”

“That’s unprofessional.”

“I know right.”

“Did we get what we needed?”

“Yeah we did. The infamous gang leader John “The Gang Leader” Boss is finally going down.”

“Hell yeah! You’re goin’ down, Mr. Boss!”

“Don’t curse.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s bad guy stuff.”

“I know.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Because I wanted to sound cool.”

“Well, you didn’t.”

“I know.”

“You know what does sound cool though?”

“No. What?”

“Undercover cops.”

“Heck yeah!”

“That’s the spirit!”