You'll Regret It.

“Jane, are you okay?”

His voice pulls your focused attention away from the pavement. Daniel’s a few feet away and you can see the concern illustrated in his furrowed brows.  His soft blue eyes grow more intense as he steps closer and takes your hands within his own. You can hear your heartbeat begin to spike. Heat rushes through your cheeks as the veins in your neck begin to throb. Deciding that it’s too much, you look back down. He’s dressed in an old pair of denim jeans and a new brown leather jacket.

An image flashes through you mind. A scrap of fabric charred and bloodied, hastily hidden so that it peaked out from under the trash. Something that should have been easily overlooked had held your attention.

“Jane, are you okay?” Daniel repeated. “You look faint.”

You lie, flashing him an innocent smile. “I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”

Daniel snorts, rolling his eyes. “Don’t I know it. These last few weeks I felt as if my entire world was coming to an end. I can’t imagine what sort of hell you’ve been living through.”

“I managed. Just stayed home and ignored my phone,” you say. You can feel your hands beginning to tremble and will them to stop.

I can’t be afraid, you chide yourself. Daniel’s here, I can’t be afraid.

Daniel places his forehead against yours, a soft smile touching his expression. “Well we don’t have to worry about that anymore, right babe? This whole thing will blow over and we can move on with our lives.”

“But what if it doesn’t?” You can feel your own voice starting to falter and break. Your cheeks burn even hotter with embarrassment.

“Then we’ll move somewhere else.” Daniel’s voice is low, and he takes a small step towards you. He’s going to kiss you. You let him, trying to remember and recreate all the other times he’s kissed you, make it as natural as possible.

Daniel pulls away after a few moments, grinning ear-to-ear. “Didn’t you say you always wanted to live in up north?”

“That was-” You catch yourself before you finish. Your pulse is racing even faster than before. You can’t say her name. Not here, not yet. He needs a normal night. You need a normal night.

The look in Daniel’s eyes tell you that you still have a chance to save this before he puts together what you almost said. You put on that same innocent smile you’d practiced for hours in the mirror once you heard he was going to be released. It was so hard to smile now. “My parents always wanted to live up north, they hate the heat down here. I guess I got my longing from them. Don’t you remember me telling you about all their skiing trips?”

“Oh yeah.” Daniel pulls away, but still holds one of your hands. He’s looking up, an eyebrow quirked as he tries to recall the memory. “You always bring up how much you love snow, don’t you?”

No, I don’t. A voice hisses inside your head. Your voice. The voice of anger, rage, and shame. He’s lying. You know he his. You haven’t been north since your father died in a skiing accident. The sight of snow on tv once made you sick to your stomach. This is just more proof of why you should feel ashamed. You should have noticed years ago.

You need to steer him away from here. “Can we go for a walk before dinner? I feel restless.”

“Of course, babe.”

The two of you begin walking away from the restaurant with Daniel recounting everything he’d had to deal with the last few weeks Thankfully, one thing you noticed after all these years is that he loved to hear himself talk. Which meant you could steer him anywhere you wanted while he rattled on.

The sun had set hours ago, and an overcast sky obscured the moon, leaving only artificial light to illuminate the night. That light became more and more scarce as you lead him down your meditated path. As the two of you turned the final corner, a bridge came into view, and Daniel didn’t give any indication of wanting to stop as you lead him towards it.

With every step you take towards it, the weight in you pocket grew heavier and heavier. You push back the nagging fear that it’s ripping a hole in your coat pocket. You’re too busy trying to not look anxious to reach the bridge, to drag Daniel towards it. There’s nobody on the street, and you knew that would be the case. Nobody likes to be in this area, especially when-

“Ugh, what is that smell?” Daniel stops in the middle of his rant about prison food to cover his nose. You’re both at the apex of the bridge, alone. “It smells like old people and rotten eggs.”

You know that it’s the trash barge below you, carrying the city’s waste out to be disposed of elsewhere. Daniel lets go of your hand, but you can still feel the warmth of his skin. It feels as if a porcupine is currently rolling all over your skin. He’s looking over the edge of the bridge, down to the ship in the water below. Your hand slips into your coat pocket, fingers brushing against the object concealed there.

Just say it, you silently reminded yourself. You’re looking down at the ground again, trying to steel your nerves. All I need to do is say it.

“Jane?”

Daniel’s voice draws your eyes up once again. He’s got that goofy and carefree look on his face, like he just said something funny and was waiting for confirmation. You don’t say anything. Instead, you focus on how easy the carefree look is traded for a serious one as you pull the gun out.

“I know you did it.” You say. You’re surprised at how steady your own voice comes. Weeks ago, when you had the revelation, you couldn’t even articulate your own thoughts.

“Jane, listen-”

“No you listen,” you snap. “Alyssa. Her name was Alyssa. I know you did it.”

Daniel’s nostrils flared and the left half of his face twitched. “So not even my own wife is on my side, huh? If you’re so sure, then where’s your proof? Not even the law could find me guilty.”

“They had proof!” You scream. “But you got it all thrown out as a mistrial because one man’s incompetence with the evidence.”

“Exactly.” Daniel’s lips twisted into a wicked smirk. “How can you be so sure that none of that evidence was faked? That cop had it out for me. There is no proof.”

“I found your old jacket.” There’s a rush of satisfaction at the sight of the shock on Daniel’s face. “You didn’t lose it. You tried to burn it, but it didn’t work. I saw the remains of it in the dumpster behind our apartment.”

“Jane, you’re being hysterical.” Daniel said. He takes a step towards you.

You’re not hysterical, you’re better than that. You know you were right. You had to be right because you knew you’d remember every detail of this night for the rest of your life. The grip of the gun against your sweaty hand.  The acid smell of the barge mixed with gunpowder. The flashes of white in the dark night. The sound of the gun dropping into the water and the heavy slam of a body landing in the trash. The refreshing taste of freedom you hadn’t known for ages. You would remember all of it because you were right. Otherwise...