33 comments

Science Fiction Thriller


Every year, one person is sent to the moon. This year, though you hid in terror, it is your turn to enter the rocket.Β You had always believed it to be a silly tradition anyway, for how serious could an old, yellowed and withered contract be? You could hardly even make out the words anymore. And besides, what was the point of following this tradition when it wasn’t even your country's main religion anymore? But you knew not to speak your skepticism aloud. You knew that anyone with the slightest bit of doubt in the goddess would be sent in the rocket too.


Suddenly, you heard a bang at the front door, followed by pounding footsteps searching all around the house. Panic started climbing up your throat, trying to manifest in a scream. You hugged your knees tighter to your chest, praying for them not to find you as a silent tear streamed down your cheek. All of this because you were a Jenson. The last name you had cursed for years. You had always known the day would come - but you had never expected it to be so soon. You had been comforted by the fact you were a promising student and an excellent study. Surely you would be too valuable to simply throw away. However, that clearly wasn’t enough.


All that mattered was the fact that you were a Jenson and that your stupid how ever many greats aunt Iris had angered the goddess of the moon so many centuries ago. That is why every year one person from the Jenson family was sent to the moon, for the goddess had stated that if they did not do as she said, she would reign terror on everyone in your country. She cursed you. Because of this, no one had ever given you a chance. They would look at you in disgust for what your ancestor had done, for her practically damning the entire country.


That is why for so many years you hadn’t even told people your last name. Whenever anyone asked, you would quickly make up a story about how you had just remembered you had forgotten to feed your cat. You knew that they would never look at you the same way again. And now was the time. You were being sent up to the moon to die.


Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, you told yourself, trying not to freak out. You couldn't afford getting scared and risk compromising your location. But no one can hide from the truth, for just a few moments later, you felt a pair of burly arms pick you up from your hiding spot, scaring you nearly out of your wits. β€œI found the Jenson,” he announced, squeezing you so hard around your middle you felt you could hardly breathe. Thankfully, he soon released you, though he slapped a pair of handcuffs tightly around your wrists. He then, with his other associates, loaded you into their van, bringing you to the ceremony.


You see, just before the rocket was sent up every year, there was a celebration for the goddess not killing everyone, ending with the Jenson boarding the rocket and fireworks lighting up the sky. A ceremony of you leaving. Yet another perk of being born a Jenson. You could hear the murmurs of the crowd from behind the stage curtain, their whispers igniting your earlier thought to resurface. This was really it. The day you were going to die. And this time, there was no place to hide. No chance of survival.


However, your thoughts of doom and gloom were interrupted by the curtain opening, the spotlight landing on you with your hands behind your back and tape over your mouth. You quickly surveyed the crowd, taking in all of their faces, feeling a sharp pang in your stomach when you noticed all of the familiar faces. Janet, your 9th grade English teacher, Genie, the sweet old lady next door who always baked you goodies, Henry, your childhood best friend and finally, your older sister, Melodie. The last one definitely hurt the most. Especially the fact that instead of her crying or mouthing to you that it would all be alright, she was clapping and smiling along with the others without a care in the world. What you wouldn’t give to be adopted.


Eventually you had to turn your head away, for you felt that if you didn’t do so you would burst out crying. The mayor of your state haughtily stepped on his spot behind the podium to give his annual speech for the public, making sure to exaggerate the lengths that they took to capture you and the heroism shown by his entire team when they set out to make you come out of hiding. They did not even have the decency to give you any last words. And at last, it was time. You could hear the cheers and claps grow from behind you as the security guards loaded you into the rocket. To them it was all just a silly tradition. You doubted they even understood the magnitude of the situation.


However, at that time it did not matter what they thought about the scene that had just taken place, for it was at that time where you were strapped and buckled into your seat and the tape on your face was ripped off rather harshly by the mayor himself. His smug face was the last thing you saw before the rocket’s door was slammed shut. You squeezed your eyes shut as you heard the muffled chants of the crowd, feeling your heart pound out of your chest with every number spoken. Five, four, three, two, one.Β Finally, after what seemed like hours, the rocket took off into space, making you take a sharp breath as the rocket began to make its journey to leave Earth. You could still the cheers and fireworks booming behind you as they celebrated you being gone.


August 01, 2020 00:57

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33 comments

Manan Suraiya
12:06 Sep 03, 2020

Damn! The ending was emotional and the style impressive. Kudos! I have a suggestion: use the unexpected. Probably that the protagonist escapes or that she goes to the Moon and realizes that things aren't as bad as they seemed. Besides that, I really liked the fine thread between religion and science so you can build on that. The world left me curious. Keep working!

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Awesome! Thank you so much for that comment! Yeah, I probably would’ve continued it if Iβ€˜d had more time, but for some reason I decided to wait for these last minute to write and submit it πŸ˜‚. Maybe Iβ€˜ll continue it in the future! But anyway, thank you again, and I hope that you stay safe and keep writing too!

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Manan Suraiya
14:02 Sep 03, 2020

Stay safe! Do check my submissions as well. I would love to hear your feedback!

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Okay! I’ll make sure look at them soon.

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Clara D Berry
18:23 Sep 06, 2020

I love your spelling of the name Melodie. That's my mother's name, and I don't think I've seen anyone else besides her who spells it that way before.

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Thank you for your comment! Yeah, I just thought it was a lovely name and wanted to use it in at least one of my stories. Sorry that it was used for a mean character though πŸ˜‚.

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Clara D Berry
04:01 Sep 10, 2020

I did notice that. I was trying to decide if I should tell my mother about the story, and didn't yet because it was a mean character.

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Thom With An H
23:35 Aug 06, 2020

I like how you tied it to her family and to religion. That really opened up the story for you. Good job on a hard prompt. If you get a moment please check out mine. I’d love the feedback.

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Thank you so much! I will definitely go check out your story.

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Esa Manley
21:28 Aug 02, 2020

Ouch, that last line. I enjoyed the world building in this, it really leaves me wanting to know more.

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Thank you so much Esa! Also, lol. Your other comment made me crack up.

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Esa Manley
22:08 Aug 02, 2020

Lol you're welcome. We had similar takes on the prompt.

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<inactive> .
14:56 Aug 03, 2020

Oh hey, Esa! Small world By the way I put you both in my bio are underrated writers who are super good! Hopefully you both will get more readers now ;) <3 Big hugs!

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Thank you so much, Priyamvada! That means so much to me. And good luck, Esa, on the next prompts! I can’t wait to read your story.

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<inactive> .
03:59 Aug 04, 2020

:D Can't wait to read both of your stories! <3

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Esa Manley
15:14 Aug 03, 2020

Thanks, I appreciate it. Working on the next prompts now. High hopes of winning but it is good practice.

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<inactive> .
16:57 Aug 02, 2020

What can I say? It's a very painful read. It's also uncomfortably familiar and I felt like crying in some bits! It's beautiful and strong and loud and needs more readers. (Was that sadistic of me?) I loved it. I have no more words. I hope you are safe, big hugs!

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Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Your comment just made my day. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and comment. I too hope that you are staying safe and I’ll definitely take a look at more of your stories as well. Thank you again, Lizzie Aliza.

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<inactive> .
14:50 Aug 03, 2020

No problem at all! I LOVED your stories but I haven't left a comment on all of them yet, but I will soon! You are a really talented writer, whenever I read one of your stories, your words break the fourth wall (in a good way)! Thanks so much, I hope you get more readers!

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<inactive> .
03:59 Aug 04, 2020

Welcome, big hugs! <3 <3

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01:26 Aug 01, 2020

The horror of her abandonment by EVERYONE, including her own sister, is convincingly portrayed and is very painful for the reader. The writer captures the poignancy of the moment, and the despair. So sad.

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Thank you, Norbert! That is exactly what I wanted to portray, and I'm very happy that the way I wrote it worked. Thank you for taking the time to write a comment and to let me know what you thought.

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Esa Manley
21:30 Aug 02, 2020

Just her sister clapping makes you think "what a bitch."

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<inactive> .
14:57 Aug 03, 2020

No swearing please, children might be present. But I'm guessing everyone agrees. (Including me.)

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Pika Okoye
16:41 Aug 05, 2021

Hi Liz, Great piece, interesting and amazing.............revealing everything scene by scene, using the prompt as the beginning, involving myths, curses and making it all a tradition.........awesome imagination. Very well done, I really liked it, Super good workπŸ‘ Would you like to read my stories? :)

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YES! YES! This is so wonderful, I love it sooooooooo much! Good work using the prompt! Could you try a part 2, perhaps?

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Ariadne .
22:48 Sep 19, 2020

You know what? It's really unfair how some people have that magic touch on any writing they do. The emotions, style, tone, and descriptions - I felt as though the story was about me. Fantastic work! ~Adrienne P.S. Please check out my story! I'd love to hear some tips from you since you're such a natural at writing. Thanks!

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07:03 Aug 12, 2020

I love horror and this, I loved it. It was so creepy. Your writing style is amazing. Keep writing. Waiting for more of yours.... Would you mind reading my story β€œThe secret of power?”

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Aw, thank you so much! I just checked out your story and left a comment there. Well done!

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14:32 Aug 12, 2020

You are welcome, Lizzie.

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22:00 Aug 02, 2020

This story was amazing! Especially the horror genre. It’s so creepy AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

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